


Plane Parts & Healing Hearts

by shinees



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Blindfolds, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kink Discovery, Light BDSM, M/M, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death, Pining, Romance, Stripper Woohyun, Suicide Attempt, Sunggyu Can Forsee the Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:32:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 41,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinees/pseuds/shinees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunggyu has a vision of himself dying beside a man he doesn't know. He will stop at nothing to find the man and ask him <em>why</em>.</p><p> <i>[ AU in which Woohyun is a stripper and Sunggyu can forsee the future. ]</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Days & Old Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: Throughout the fic, there will be detailed descriptions of death, suicide, alcoholism, dysphoria, sexual situations and acts (all consensual), mental illness, infidelity, and general angst. Please do not read if these may be triggering to you._
> 
> _Also, this is a work of fiction and I am not affiliated with Woolim or Infinite in any way, nor is it my intentions to make any profit from this piece of work. Do not re-upload, translate, or podfic this without my consent._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey im such a slut for woogyu so basically i threw up this fic the other day idk

...☆...

It's days like these which Sunggyu dreads; days that begin with a quick start of his racing heart to wake him, jolting up from the bed with sloppy half-formed curses on the tip of his tongue and the days duties lost in the back of his mind. 

It was a dream that startled him to wake, the wicked twist and sharp turn of his imagination. The dream was an after-affect of last nights poorly chosen concoction; Soju and boredom. 

Of all the personalities the dream could have had, this one was intrusive and brusque and far too over bearing. He can't even recall the details, blurry and colorless as the majority of his dreams tend to be, but the residual anxiety still persists. Sunggyu hates these dreams the most. They have a habit of feeling too real to pass as anything but reality. 

Without memory of leaving the bed, Sunggyu finds himself in the shower, cold water falling to his skin because his shower-head is cheap and he didn't pay the water bill. Sunggyu cannot bring himself to care. 

Somehow he's sitting in the subway, somehow he makes it to the factory, and somehow he manages to begin another day at work. 

He begins his work dutifully as he is an excellent worker, but the unmistakable feeling of exhaustion still lingers behind his eyes, violent and urgent with an erratic pulse trailing after. 

Sunggyu survives the day at the factory, letting his gloved fingers travel over each miniature model airplane piece for product verification before setting it on the path it to its corresponding location. It's mindless, which would normally be a blessing, but times like these where the empty silence is only permission for the anixety to eat away further, Sunggyu cannot see the blessing in it at all. If only there was noise to cancel out his mind.

Sunggyu is aware of his cynicism, his bitterness. On good days, he manages to escape that toxic death grip and bypass the consequences, but today is not a good day and he can already feel invisible fingers tightening around his throat. 

At five thirty, he is on the subway surrounded by tired adults who have completed another day of work, eager to return home to family. Sunggyu returns to an apartment overflowing of anxiety and the feint scent of alcohol clinging to the walls. 

…☆…

The sun rises and Sunggyu opens his eyes to an overwhelming feeling of anguish. Yesterday's anxiety has been carried to today, which is unfair because every day is supposed to be a new day, but Sunggyu hears a phrase in the back of his mind; _No one said life was fair_. He'll be hazy for a while, still lethargic and unable to recognize the demarcation of vivid dreamland to bleak reality despite its stark contrast.

Sunggyu sits up out of bed, body aching for no reason and stomach begging for food. The color of his vision is hyper-saturated and over-exposed, too sharp and crisp of a contrast to his dark and fluid internal state of mind; one languid and heated, the other blinding and cold. 

Sunggyu is in the shower again, and after, he forgets to eat. He only brushes his teeth and leaves two minutes late for the subway, but makes up for it by inconspicuously speed walking to the station. 

On the subway, he stands near a woman who is reading a book about mechanical engineering. Sunggyu attempts to distract himself from the anxiety by attempting to read the words in her book, but looking down on a moving vehicle is only leaving him drowsy. 

Sunggyu is back at the factory within minutes, fingers a little sweaty under the gloves and skin warm from the harsh florescent lights above. Row by row, he organizes little plastic pieces that mimic the shape of real planes. He seperates the miniature fuselage from the cockpit and discards a faulty wing, working hastily as his mind switches between over-active and completely blank. 

Sunggyu is an honest worker in almost all regards, but one thing that doesn't coincide with this work ethic is his habit of slipping plane pieces in his pocket. He has a collection of sorts, and the factory isn't really missing just one or two pieces here and there. It's only once in a while when he knows no ones looking and needs a new piece. Today, weighing heavy in his pocket is the plastic cockpit. It's the second to last piece in his collection. He will assemble everything together once he has every piece. 

It seems like only ten minutes, or maybe ten hours, before Sunggyu finishes work and finds his hands gripping the subway railing. He's losing track of time, but his perception is often faulty when hes consummed by exhaustion so he isn't surprised. 

Sunggyu is at his apartment in no time, untying his shoes (and setting the miniature model airplane piece on the tabletop) before collapsing to the couch in relief as the sun retreats behind the window shades. 

…☆…

It's a new day with new responsibilities and Sunggyu cannot bring himself to open his eyes. He battles the urge to remain in bed, weighing the options out. The exhaustion is getting old and it's frankly aggravating this many days in a row. He is tired of being tired.

Sunggyu's body feels weighted, heavy on the bed, but he eventually prompts himself to stand. There is a rush of blood to his lifeless limbs and his head spins mercilessly.

He doesn't eat breakfast today either, instead opting for a cup of coffee to artificially wake him and fill his empty stomach. Sunggyu has the passing thought that he should eat better, take care of his body more, but he is depraved of motivation and will likely never change.

Sunggyu waits on the subway, the same monotonous routine that he follows every day. He sits towards the middle today because he wasnt lucky enough to sit as far back as hed like (instead being occupied by a group of quiet teens).

There's suddenly a sharp jolt in his stomach. It could easily pass as being carsick, but the subway is smooth and he hasn't been carsick before. He knows what's coming. He _knows_ what's next.

Sunggyu's fingers race to his bag, searching frantically for the notepad that hides inside. It's the only way he can prepare himself for what he knows is coming. He manages to bring out a navy ballpoint pen, nearly running out of ink, and a yellow grided notepad. It's the kind of paper he used to see in offices as a child, but he cannot dwell on the past when his stomach is twisting in the present, mind quickly becoming a throbbing mess.

Then it hits him. The vision. His pulse is pounding in his ears and he knows he's visibly wincing but once it starts, there is no stopping it. An image flsshes in his mind like it always does when these episodes occur. The image is crystal clear in his brain, ugly and concise and so intense that sketching it out is the only way to ease the pain.

Sunggyu is completely unaware of his surroundings at the moment. Everything is blocked out- each word from the loudspeaker and every sound from the passengers on board is erased. He hardly even registers what he's drawing as it happens, scribbling out what seems like random things, various shapes and lines so hard that they indent the pages underneath. The migraine throbbing in his head only lessens the further he continues his drawing, and that alone prevents him from fretting about what others perceive him as. As long as the throbbing can subside, he doesn't care. 

Sunggyu thinks for a moment he hears someone make a comment- maybe the words _you're a good artist_ , and Sunggyu thinks he laughs coldly in response because he is _not_ an artist (there is no passion or enjoyment received from this by any means), but he can't be sure he heard the words in the first place. 

The drawing comes together within minutes and Sunggyu breathes out the anxiety with a shaky sigh. He looks at the end result; a rough sketch with many details depicting a teen girl surrounded by pill bottles and scattered papers. Her slumped figure is haunting, lifelessly slouched on the desk but still seated in the chair. 

He accidentally smudged the lines when he was drawing her high school uniform, so there are inky streaks across the yellow paper where there shouldn't be. The name that should be imprinted on her uniform is covered by her long hair, true to the image Sunggyu saw. She is dead and if he were to take a guess as to the cause, he'd bet on a medication overdose. Reasons unknown thus far. 

He examines it closer with a critical eye and notices the dark ink of the pen contrasts the bright yellow of the paper too unnaturally. But Sunggyu didn't have the intentions of creating a masterpiece. He just wanted the migraine to flee, and just as he gets off the subway to the factory, it truly does begin to subside. 

He briefly feels sorry for the girl, for her parents, for her siblings if she has any. He mourns her future death for a moment, then begins to sift through miniature airplane pieces on the conveyor belt as the migraine fades and the numbness sets it. 

...☆...

The days run together in a messy jumble, but Sunggyu can always tell when it's friday. The aura during his shift at the factory feels light and amiable, workers rushing to finish the day and embrace the weekend. 

Sunggyu makes it home at five thirty on what he thinks is a Friday. His body is no longer consumed by tension like it has been the past week. Typically a few days prior to receiving a vision, he gets in those odd moods. Thankfully, now that the vision has passed, he can have at least today to be a bit more realxed. 

He unties his shoes, setting them in their respective cubby to collect dust until next monday calls for work. Sunggyu is busy eating microwavable ramyun from a styrofoam cup, dust from the flavor packet on his shirt when he gets a text from a co-worker. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
hi, hyung. did you hear what happened?

He thinks about the message but it's so vague, too vague for him to draw any conclusions or estimations. Sunggyu typically ignores the drama and rumors spreading throughout the factory on the daily anyway. He replies with a question mark, and it's only a half minute before he recieves and answer. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
howon's little sister committed suicide. he texted me just a few minutes ago. 

Sunggyu's heart sinks upon reading the text, knowing very well the situation now. He has to know, considering he drew her face with a navy ballpoint pen into an ugly yellow notepad just a few days ago. 

Sunggyu has known of his ability since he was a child, but he only began to accept himself after high school. Now, at twenty four, Sunggyu doesn't make a big deal about being able to forsee deaths and instead just does what he can to lessen the migraines that come with it. 

(Sunggyu has assured himself after years of unhealthy guilt that it is not his fault, and he has comes to term with the knowledge that he cannot stop anyone from dying despite his ability.)

He answers Dongwoo, asking for more information. Dongwoo doesn't know about Sunggyu's ability, nor does anyone else, so he masks his question with a vibe of friendly curiosity instead of making his true intentions of gaining morbid satisfaction known. Only a minute later and the reply comes. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
i asked howon. he said he could tell she was having a hard time at school, but he didnt know it was this bad. she was stressed from being bullied because of her dyslexia and failing the majority of her classes. 

Sunggyu gives an empathetic response, something along the lines of _How unfortunate. I will be sure to visit the Lee family to comfort them_. But even so, he can't contain his curiosity and eventually asks _how_ she died. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
he said it was an overdose from her sleeping medications. hyung, i feel bad for their family, but even worse for howon. they were so close… we should see him soon. 

Sunggyu's thoughts are only confirmed. The pills he saw in his vision, the girl with the high school uniform, papers strewn about her desk. It all fits too well for Sunggyu to consider doubting. 

Sunggyu answers back, agreeing that the situation is indeed sad and that they should visit Howon very soon.

It only takes Sunggyu a bite of ramyun to forget about the girl. 

…☆…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow yEah im thirsty for comments so pls comment lol 
> 
> chapter two will probs be cooler but dont quote me on that


	2. A Single Death & Intake of Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this probably isnt any better than chapter one ,,, sorry for lying

…☆…

A few weeks have passed, uneventful and mundane just like always. Sunggyu still wakes up exhausted, struggles out of bed, contemplates skipping work and mopes on the subway to work. Nothing has changed in that regard, and it's little things like consistancy (albeit sad) that keep Sunggyu grounded and thankful for it. 

Today is Wednesday and Sunggyu is drinking lukewarm green tea in the break room that always smells a little moldy. The cup in his hands is small, a wonderful piecework of blue mosaic glass smoothed over with a design of a koi fish. He likes to rub his thumb at the crevices where it's been filled with red clay. 

_At least it's quiet,_ he thinks to himself. Dongwoo is on a short vacation with his wife at the moment, otherwise he would be bothering Sunggyu during break about something completely irrelevant and it would probably leave him irritable. 

Sunggyu is daydreaming about the upcoming miniature model airplane that he will soon be able to make. In a few days, he can discreetly slip into his pocket the very last piece (the left wing) and it will be ready to assemble. 

He is so busy thinking about the plane that he doesn't notice the headache begging to pulse behind his eyes. Other than that, there is no presage at all. The vision he recieves at that moment is so unexpected and sudden that his breathing inhales and stutters, leaving Sunggyu choking on his tea. Once again, an image flutters around in his head until it takes its final shape- solid and clear and so extremely startling.

There's no paper nearby to illustrate it, only a pen running out of ink. Sunggyu takes what the breakroom has offered him, putting the pen in hand. He searches frantically for any sheet of paper at all but there is absolutely _nothing_ so in his haste he settles for a large napkin instead, trying to make do with his supplies. 

Like always, the sketch is quick and messy with hastily drawn lines in some places they don't belong. The flimsy napkin rips in several places due to the speed and intensity which sunggyu is drawing- the faster he draws it, the quicker the pain is relieved. Sunggyu is a natural born complainer and doesn't even deny it, so he mutters under his breath about how useless the napkin is. 

When it's completed and Sunggyu's hands slow to a stop, he breathes a sigh of relief and examines the finished piece. 

Normally he isn't startled by his visions (unless they are unusually detailed or gruesome, but even that has gotten old- what a pity). This time is different. Sunggyu's guts twist into tight slip-knots and he's torn between staring unblinkingly at the image or looking away to never lay eyes on it again. 

His boss's burnt body laying on a crisp hospital bed is depicted on the napkin sketch. The IV drip by the bed is drawn messily- tangled lines as a poor excuse of the medical equipment. When he had the vision, he was unable to discern the face, but now that the image lay clear in front of him, his boss's face is haunting.

With a rapid heartbeat and heavy tongue, Sunggyu allows himself to examine the image deeply once more. True to his vision, the napkin illustrates his boss with severe burn wounds. Was it a fire? Acid burns? Accident or on purpose? Too many questions.

His boss's name is Kibum but most of the employees call him Key to avoid confusion. There are at least four of his employees with the same name and it's been a bit of a running joke. Sunggyu would probably find it funny if he bothered to pay attention to his co-workers. 

Kibum-ssi is a great boss, always letting Sunggyu take his sick days off and inviting the workers for a few drinks after long shifts (to which Sunggyu always refused for multiple reasons, but primarily because he despises his co-workers save for Dongwoo). Kibum was/is a kind man though, and Sunggyu feels a bit sad to see him die. 

The main reason Sunggyu is sad is the prospect of losing his job. It's a selfish worry, but a justifiable one. His weekly income is what keeps him going and he is dependant on that money. It allows him to buy that stupidly delicious microwaveable ramyun every other night and it pays for the apartment bill.

He needs to have a job because he needs to have a firm routine, a solid schedule to ground him. With so much free time being without a job, Sunggyu predicts he will drive himself to insanity with boredom from the excess free time. He cannot sit on his couch and eat noodles until his death. He will not allow it. 

...☆...

The rest of the afternoon, Sunggyu is jumpy and restless. The only thoughts rambling around in his shaken brain are _I'm going to lose my job. I can't stop Kibum-ssi's death. Dead Kibum means our factory division will be terminated. No more overseer division means they fire workers. Fire... Will Kibum be burnt by a fire? I am going to lose my job._

Sunggyu knows that he's driven by selfish desire when he asks Kibum for the rest of the day off. He's selfish because he only cares about his job, not his boss. He only worries about the prospect of losing his job (and again, not his boss) and the worry has made him sick. It drives Sunggyu's stomach to eat away at itself and leaves him feeling empty and nauseous at once.

Worries hold his attention captive. He tries to imagine what will happen after being laid off, but he's been at the factory since his junior year of high school and there is no where else for Sunggyu to go. 

Kibum-ssi doesn't seem surprised that Sunggyu asks for the rest of the day off (due to illness, he is sure to add) and instead directs his worry-filled puppy eyes to Sunggyu, placing his firm hand reassuringly on Sunggyu's shoulder. "Feel better, Sunggyu. A little birdy told me we may have a large placement order next month, so take of yourself for our upcoming schedule. It will be busy!"

Sunggyu tries not to think about the order that won't be placed, tries not to see the excitement that came to be destroyed. He looks into his boss's eyes for a moment before being flooded with guilt. "Goodbye, Kibum-ssi." 

Those were the words that concluded Kim Kibum's life, and Sunggyu knew it. 

...☆...

The day's events swirl in his mind as he sits on the subway home, desperate for something to distract him from what's to come. There is a boy to the left of him who keeps fiddling with his sleeves endlessly and it's the worst distraction Sunggyu could imagine. Or maybe everything gets on his nerves these days. He wants to yank the sleeves down and yell at the boy to stop the irritating habit but Sunggyu doesn't want to get kicked out of the subway so he refrains with great caution. 

He knows he's halfway home when he feels a vibration in his pocket, a text. Sunggyu pulls out his phone and sees Donwoo's name highlighted on the screen, mind's busy thoughts being replaced with a tinge of annoyance (Dongwoo is always just a little ~~a lot~~ annoying). 

Jang Dongwoo:  
hyung, are you alright? please answer soon. i leave for three days as my first vacation this year and i come back to half-dead friends. 

Sunggyu stills. He wants to know what's happening and he makes his confusion known. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
im guessing you haven't checked your email yet?

So Sunggyu opens the email application, eyes scanning unread junk mail before refreshing to see the most recent delivered message. It says it's from his company HyeoTang Inc., and the subject is entitled _Urgent!_

His impatience forces him to skim the paragraphs half heartedly instead of truly reading them, only stopping to give genuine attention to a list of names he recognizes as his co-workers. 

_Lee Howon; Overseer_

The name, amidst the twenty or so preceeding names, stands out. Sunggyu knows the majority of nsmes on the list, but they all blur. He wasn't even looking for that name, but now it's the only one he sees.

They aren't friends per se, but they have seen each other at their worsts and don't hate each other after seeing it. Sunggyu only knows Howon through Dongwoo, since they work at opposite ends of their division which means they never cross paths (Sunggyu is an inspector and Howon is the head of processing) but Dongwoo never shuts up about him, so Sunggyu was bound to meet him. They bonded over their bitterness, but they still aren't friends because Howon is the kind of guy to keep to himself and Sunggyu doesn't like putting effort into people all that much. 

So Howon is his acquaintance, and Sunggyu has to admit that seeing Howon's name in the email was shocking. 

It is a list of names of the workers at the factory had gotten injured. There was a fire in their wing of the building- probably a malfunctioning machine or perhaps a newcomer left it unattended- causing a minor explosion. The explosion had caused a fire, which means...

Kibum-ssi must have been injured- no, _killed_ by the fire. 

Sunggyu's stomach drops, though he thinks it's been low since he had the vision just hours ago. He scrolls back up to the list to scan for his boss's name, and sure enough, it's there. Black Arial font against a medium-lit white background. 

_Kim Kibum; Manager_

The only reason Sunggyu is alive, sittin on the cold subway next to an annoying boy and _not_ dead in the hospital is because of the vision. 

Sunggyu's mind swirls and twirls and stutters to a halt when the overhead speaker of the subway announces he is home.

...☆...

Sunggyu doesn't eat his ramyun when he gets home. He boils the water and opens the flavor packet but the dry noodles remain in the packaging. An unfinished meal, Sunggyu thinks. Just like Kibum's life- unfinished. 

Dongwoo texts him again after a while, saying he's cutting his vacation short and that he has already purchased the next plane ticket back to Seoul. 

Sunggyu doesn't really remember making the plans but somehow he agreed to meet Dongwoo and before he knows it, Sunggyu is watching the woman at the front desk of the hospital place an off-white entry band on his wrist tightly. They are the kind that only come off with scissors and Sunggyu hates a lot of things in the world, but these are definitely in the top ten. 

Sunggyu is the natural leader type, so he makes Dongwoo walk behind him even though Sunggyu doesn't really know where room #2081 and #2073 are. Dongwoo fills the elevator silence with brief mentionings of things he and his wife saw on their vacation to Jeju, how nice it was despite being cut short. They are too nice of memories to mention in such a sad environment. Sunggyu doesn't really listen, more focused on finding his way to the correct rooms.

They make it eventually, after one short detour and Dongwoo declaring Sunggyu as a bad leader, to admit they are lost (which he does _not_ ). The two rooms are just several doors away from each other, one belonging to Kibum and the other Howon. 

"I'm going to see Kibum-ssi first." Sunggyu says, and begins to walk that direction when he hears footsteps follow. "Alone, please."

"Okay, okay. Employer-employee confidentiality. Gotcha." Dongwoo says, and though Sunggyu isn't looking, he imagines Dongwoo is using hand gestutes to express hinself. "I'll see if Howon is awake."

Sunggyu acknowledges him by walking further away. Stopping at the room that contains his boss, he waits until he hears the sound of Dongwoo's voice down the hall saying, "Howon- you worried me so much," and Howon saying something witty in return before Sunggyu knocks on Kibum's door. It feels uncomfortably personal.

He's about to twist the handle open when a woman's voice cuts through from behind the closed door, saying, "No immediate visitors. Mr. Kim has been admitted for less than 24 hours and is in critical condition." 

There is a brief second of shock before it dissolves into something benign and less afflicting. He knew it would turn out this way. Maybe he wasn't fully aware of the details in between, but he always knew the outcome- in which case, the little details don't really matter after all. 

Sunggyu doesn't let the suffocating curiosty win this time. He has already seen his boss suffer, no need to exacerbate it in reality. He drew it in explicit detail, the pain in his eyes and the redness of his skin despite the sketch being done in black ink. Sunggyu doesn't need to fulfill that morbid curiosity and let it overcome him. He already knows what Kibum looks like right now, laying on a hospital bed with an IV to the right of him. Sunggyu has the exact image of it on a folded napkin in his back pocket that he dares not to touch. 

He hears footsteps, but then he realizes they are his own. He's in front of Howon's hospital door slightly ajar and knocking without rhythm to be let in. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol???? so?? ? like i did the Thing© ¿¿


	3. Mystery Man & Perfect Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates within 24 hours i am amazing and u can kiss my boots

...☆...

Sunggyu visits once, twice, three times to the hospital. His boss has been confirmed dead, killed by his wonderful job that he loved dearly. 

So as not to look bad, he visits Howon (once again with Dongwoo, and needless to say it was his idea) a few more times. That's why Sunggyu is seated alone in the cafeteria eating strawberry banana Jello with a plastic spork. It's pretty good, if not slightly bland but that is what he expects so refrains from complaining. He's too tired to complain, and besides that, he doesn't have anyone to complaim to since Dongwoo is chatting it up with Howon in the hospital room. 

Sunggyu doesn't mind it, really, and goes back to stabbing the Jello. It slides down his throat cooly, not sticky or liquidy but just the right consistency. The bright red of the strawberry is obviously artificial but his tastebuds don't care all that much. Sunggyu isn't very picky when it comes to food. 

He thinks he should head up soon, say goodbye to Howon and go home to make some potential work-related phone calls or maybe just jerk off instead. Yeah, that sounds nice. 

Sunggyu takes the elevator to room #2073, this time not bothering to knock since they should have been expecting him to return (honestly, how long does it take to eat one serving of Jello?). Sunggyu realizes belatedly that he should have knocked, because oh- _oh_. Okay, he seriously should have. 

"Woah, sorry to intrude on that private time-" Sunggyu says as he covers his eyes like a child, shocked at having seen Dongwoo _kissing_ Howon who is still pretty badly injured. It didn't make all that much sense with their polar opposite personalities and the fact that Dongwoo is _married_ to a very nice woman. Sunggyu isn't sure what he walked in on, but he lets it slide because if Dongwoo wants to ruin his marriage, that's his deal and Sunggyu really hates drama, not wanting to be involved anymore than he has to.

Sunggyu thinks he'll probably interrogate Dongwoo later for payback purposes, but for now he bows and says, "Feel better, Howon."

He high-tails out of the hospital. 

...☆...

Kim Sunggyu:  
how long has it been? since you and howon... 

Jang Dongwoo:   
just a few weeks. i went to comfort him after his sister died and at the time it was the only comfort i thought i could give.

Kim Sunggyu:  
there are multiple ways you could have comforted him besides that.

Jang Dongwoo:  
i know that now, hyung. please don't say anything about it to anyone. 

Kim Sunggyu:  
you can't have both of them. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
i know that too, and i'm being really selfish but it's hard to make a choice between to people you care so much about. you wouldn't understand. 

Kim Sunggyu:   
of course i wouldn't understand. help me get a job and i will keep my mouth shut. 

Jang Dongwoo:   
i hate you. 

Kim Sunggyu:   
thanks. meet tomorrow? 

Jang Dongwoo:   
of course. 

...☆...

Sunggyu gets an email in the morning from HyeoTang Inc. It's an update from the factory, a cold and detached message informing Sunggyu that he has officially lost his place in the company. The expenses and funds used for paychecks will instead be directed towards repairing the factory and updating the damaged equipment. He tries not to envision himself homeless and instead decides on focusing that nervous energy to motivate him to get a job. 

Dongwoo and Sunggyu meet under the pretense of finding a shop with a _Help Wanted_ sign hanging in the window, but their luck drains quickly. They can't find a single promising place- street vendors have enough assistants, they don't have the qualifications for a certain position, the required hours are unconventional, and the list goes on. 

A little discouraged at their lack of luck, the pair talk as they wander the streets dressed in semi-nice clothing (so as to look presentable if such a thing were to happen as an impromptu job interview). They chat about the weather and the factory and old jokes from when they were in high school. Dongwoo talks a lot, but Sunggyu is genuinely enjoying the company, for the most part. Neither of them bring up the topic of Howon, and it's better that way. 

It is a thankfully comfortable setting. They haven't spent time together in a long time, and it disheartens Sunggyu at the realization he only is here with him because he needs a job. 

It's okay though, because his negative thoughts are being eaten up and replaced by Dongwoo's energetic words about something Sunggyu can't keep up with. It's almost like white noise, relaxing and constant and familiar. It's nice.

It's so nice that Sunggyu doesn't even feel the pressure behind his eyes creep up, doesn't notice the resounding thrum in his skull. He doesn't notice the precursor signs of an upcoming vision, so when the vision hits him, Sunggyu is unprepared. 

The first wave comes as severe nausea, making Sunggyu stop in the middle of the street to dry-heave into the bushes as Dongwoo rubs his back in confusion (and years go, back in high school, Sunggyu had made the excuse of having constant nausea to cover up his visions). Sunggyu eventually stands back up and reassures Dongwoo that he's okay, it was just passing nausea like he used to get as a kid, but suggests that they should probably go home. After all, they've been out for at least three hours. 

Sunggyu takes the subway home while Dongwoo takes his car. Even after multiple kind offers, Sunggyu says the subway is best for him. "I would get sicker on a car," Sunggyu excuses himself, and if it isn't true, Dongwoo doesn't need to know. 

Sunggyu is already sitting in the subway by the time he recieves the vision. It's startling, but it's not the vision itself that warrants the reaction. What really scares Sunggyu is that there is no migraine attatched at all- no throb or dull ache or pulse. He's expecting a hurricane, bracing himself for the pain to come, but... It's just a cloudy image that swirls together to become a whole picture, free of headache and pain. Almost like simply imagining something, Sunggyu thinks. Except he _knows_ it's a vision. He just does. 

The feeling that comes along with this vision is something Sunggyu would actually welcome. At first he associates the absence of pain with numbness, but that can't be right- no. It's not painful like always, and is instead light and airy. Cool fingers touching his brain with feather pinpricks as an after effect, it seems like. Almost like the sensation of being tickled- something you're forced to enjoy. 

Sunggyu is so distracted with the foreign feelings swirling in his body that he doesn't pay attention to what the vision is comprised of. He doesn't notice until it forcibly makes its way to the forefront of his brain, demanding to be analyzed. 

Sunggyu closes his eyes and sinks into the uncomfortable subway seat to begin focusing, almost excited with this new feeling he's experiencing. That excitement would have been carried over if into the examination if not for the sad death that Sunggyu begins to mentally pick apart.

It's a young man with a blurry face struggling in deep ocean waters, fighting and clawing to find his way back up but already buried beneath so much water. It looks like a suicide that had a change of heart after the prospect of dying became a reality- maybe even an accidental death or a muder. Sunggyu has dealt with another similar one before, but as he begins to focus more, he stops breathing as he notices something entirely unfamiliar. 

It's him. It's _him_. It's Kim Sunggyu, himself, drowning alongside this young man in the water. Sunggyu, in his vision, looks angry and regretful and scared. The other male mirrors a similiar expression, but with a hidden tinge of something Sunggyu cannot currently place. He might be able to pinpoint the emotion once he draws it, but for now he is left with overwhelming confusion. 

And that's the thing. He doesn't even feel like drawing it. Unlike usual where Sunggyu is scrambling for an inch of a writable and portable surface, he is currently sitting peacefully in his seat with no overwhelming urge to vomit or cry or grab a notebook and draw. 

It's so terribly unusual and it scares Sunggyu more than anything. Never has he ever seen himself in a vision, because that means _he_ is going to die. And after thinking about if for several seconds, finds himself conflicted. For dealing with death constantly, he has yet to really consider his own. 

Sunggyu's life might be bland and he might dread waking up, but he keeps perservering for the unexpected good moments that make everything worth it. On the other hand, for all his worries to be ended once and for all would be a blessing- no more aches and migraines, no more unessescary guilt, and if he's lucky, maybe he could get answers. Does Sunggyu want to die? He isn't even sure. 

Sunggyu practically flies off the subway when it stops near his apartment. Even though he doesn't have the overwhelming urge to draw, he wants to do it anyway. He wants to draw every detail on that man's face so Sunggyu can know who he is. Maybe one day he will find the man, shake his shouldera and scream, _"Why are we dying together?"_

...☆...

It becomes an obsession. Every day for several days Sunggyu draws the image. It's nearly identical each time, the only difference being the details of facial features. He stops drawing his own face, then eventually stops drawing the whole water details and instead copies the man's face over and over and over. With each new interpretation of the face, Sunggyu changes little details like the shape of his lips, his nose, they eyebrow arch or the fear in his eyes. 

And Sunggyu is enjoying it. Nothing is rushed or painful, and instead it's relaxing. At first he was frantic, but that died down quickly. Now he's surrounded by sheets of papers strewn about, some crumbled and others still crisp. 

Sunggyu analyzes the man's face so deeply that he's almost positive he committed it to memory. He finds the mystery man quite beautiful for all that he is- a drawing of man with fear and regret displayed clearly on his symmetrical features. A man with a sharp pointed nose that Sunggyu doesn't see often, or short hair flowing in the water, pouty lips, long fingers grasping for purchase. 

Sunggyu becomes fascinated with the mystery man. He wonders where he lives- Busan? Seoul? Gangnam? Will they meet prior to their deaths? Why does Sunggyu die with him?

Sunggyu honestly looses interest in his own death, becoming obsessively curious about who the other man is. It isn't long before Sunggyu is back on the subway, ready to search for the mystery man on the streets of Seoul. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made everything so obvious but u can still leAVE A COMMENT (♡) GUessing what u think is gonna happen ri t e


	4. Discovery & Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for a slower update i got busy for once in my life

...☆...

Sunggyu's new obsession is fun. Being that he doesn't currently have a job, it leaves his days completely free of anything to do. Looking for the mystery man is a good way of curing his restlessness at the lack of work, filling up the empty spaces with searching, searching, and searching. Ultimately, this is the most opportune time in his life to go on a frantic search for an unknown person. He has never had so much free time in his _life_.

Sunggyu stops at every store he sees, justifying that it may potentially hold the mystery man (and perhaps a possible job). He makes his way into every store, the bells ringing above him at the store entrance, and if the store is empty, he looks around briefly before leaving. The ajumma's there give him a curious side glance, wondering why this young man walks into the store onky walk back out. Sunggyu pretends he doesn't notice. 

Mainly Sunggyu is scoping out the larger and more densely populated locations. The more people there are in an area, the higher his chances are of finding the mystery man. Or at least, the more peoppe he can cross off and say he's seen, leaving less people to have to search. The busy streets in central Seoul are the perfect destination and relatively close to his apartment as well, so Sunggyu walks the distance and tries to enjoy his day despite the unproductivity. 

It isn't long before Sunggyu gets slightly discouraged, coming to the conclusion that it's highly unlikely he would find the mystery man before his death anyway. Just this morning he was filled to the brim with excitement and the prospect of making progress, but it was easily drained. He tries giving up, attempting to end his search before it gets further out of hand, but there's something inside his mind, yelling at him to go on. So despite his discouraged mindset, he continues walking just a little bit more. Sunggyu enters store after store, sometimes asking if they needed an extra worker but more often than not he resignes to keeping him mouth shut because they always say no.

He does this for six days, drooping shoulders walking in and out of stores and eyes constantly searching for a certain someone. When Sunggyu gets exceptionally bored, he'll take a visit to Howon or the brief hello to Dongwoo. Even a few times Sunggyu thinks he sees the mystery man, but in the end it was just a man with only a sharp nose or shaggy hair- they all demand nothing more than a brief passing glance before Sunggyu knows that they are not who he is looking for. 

...☆...

It's already nearing midnight when Sunggyu is close to going home. A wave of exhaustion flushes over him, telling him to end this absurd search because he hasn't gotten anywhere with it. Maybe his mind is right. Sunggyu stops on the sidewalk, rubbing his hands together to keep them warm as he looks upward to the sky. The stars illuminate the city far brighter than street lamps ever could, even through a sheen of smog. Everything carries a slightly translucent touch to it at night, he thinks. It's fantastical, but Sunggyu is too exhausted to fully appreciate the beauty of his surroundings. He begins to walk again but after a day of doing nothing but that, the ache in his legs consume him. His feet are pressing into the grey-white sidewalk, feeling too heavy to walk as he trudges closer to the subway station for home.

He's passing a liquor store and the invitation is nearly irresistible, but he says no. An irresistible invitation comes in the form of passing liquor store, anf it takes all of Sunggyu's remaining willpower to say no. He keeps walking but the thought of alcohol weighs heavy on his mind, beguiled by it's desirability and all of it's muddy implications. The thought distracts him so much that he's blinded, not really noticing his surroundings until a thrum of vibration under his shoes makes him stop. He finds the cause in a nearby club, its overbearing and bass-filled music making the vibrations travel. Sunggyu's pulse rings in his ears as he comes closer to it, an uncomfortable mix of exhaustion and energetic music. Trying to keep himself focused, he continues walking to his apartment so he can finally sleep.

Sunggyu's eyes briefly pass over a figure by the building, completely mindlesdly and not expecting anything at all. He's about to look away when his brain suddenly tells him not to, making him walk considerably slower to keep his gaze steady. It is a young man with his back resting cooly against the club, retrieving a something from his pockets. Sunggyu's eyes become focused on him, not because the man's lighter is drawing attention with the constrast against the darkness, but because he has a recognizably sharp nose and matching sharp eyes, messy hair that is gelled upwards. The man looks startlingly familiar and Sunggyu goes weak in the knees when he recognizes him.

He knows it's the mystery man within the first three seconds of looking at him. He would have known even sooner but it's dark outside and his facr is looking down towards the cement. Sunggyu chides himself for even once considering any previous people to be the mystery man, since none of them where this beautiful or this captivating or this _exact_. This man is so obviously what Sunggyu drew meticulously just a few weeks ago, so undeniably the mystery man, and Sunggyu _found_ him.

Though he is stunned, Sunggyu cannot stop dead in the middle of the sidewalk, consequently trapping himself in the midst of people walking here and there. It would look weird and would draw attention to the fact that he is so obviously staring at the other man, unashamedly gaping. Sunggyu can't confront the man either. He has nothing to say to him. Obviously the visions cannot be mentioned (Sunggyu would be deemed mentally ill, wouldn't he?), which leaves no topics for them discuss. Without letting the secret of his vision spill, he has no reason to be speaking to the mystery man. 

Sunggyu cannot bring himself to walk away, either. He can't ignore the tug in his gut or the nagging feeling in the back of his mind saying _If you leave now, you will never find him again._ The worst part of it all is that it is absolutely true. He isn't left with any options, meaning he just has to go and do something before the man walks away.

Sunggyu, in all his shyness and awkwardness, finds a reason to be bold and upfront for once. The dark street hides his face well enough, but the lights probably give enough illumination to make his features at least semi-distinguishable. From his place on the sidewalk by the liquor store, Sunggyu can see the man's face lit up from the neon signs above him and the flame he casts to light his cigarette. 

Desperately holding on to his sudden burst of bravery, Sunggyu wills his feet to move just a few yards at a time, taking him that much closer to the man and shortening the distance. The man doesn't notice anything because Sunggyu is just one person amidst dozens walking nearby and the man's attention is drawn elsewhere, taking interest in his cigarette and exhaling rings with the smoke from his lungs. 

"Can I have a cigarette?" Sunggyu hears himself asking the stranger, the mystery man. He personally doesn't smoke, doesn't like ash on his furniture or implications of addiction trailing behind it. He knows damn well that it would kill him, but right now it's the only excuse that he can use to make them meet. 

It must be a good enough excuse because he hears a chuckle, thick and throaty and tingling him to the bone. "Long day?" That same voice asks, and it hits Sunggyu in the core if his chest. There's a cigarette being extended between long fingers towards Sunggyu's direction, and he takes it with weak hands.

“Like you wouldn't believe." Sunggyu says, trying not to let the silence seem too thick for too long. 

It's happening. He has met the man of his vision, the man who is pulling out a lighter to engite the tip of the cigarette and inhaling the toxicity of his own. Sunggyu doesn't realize it but he's now leaning against the building along with the man, feeling anxious about smoking for the first time and all he can really think of is _I am going to die with you_. 

"I'm Sunggyu." He says in a desperate attempt to make conversation, hoping that it doesn't seem that way. He's unable to discern whether or not the man is amiable and kind or the type to brush him off instantly. 

"I'm Woohyun." The mystery man says, kindly, gently, voice thick with nicotine and the name sounds musical to Sunggyu's ears. _Woohyun_.

There must be something they can talk about. Anything at all, but Sunggyu doesn't know what else to say- can't bring himself to even form words. The air surrounding them is heavy with smoke and dust while the loud thrums of bass vibrate under their back from the building they are resting against. 

Sunggyu can smell the alcohol on the mystery ma- _Woohyun_. He wants to look over, to examine that beautiful face in person- the same face he's drawn countless times over the past week. He wants to feel it with his hands and under his skin but he doesn't act upon it. Instead Sunggyu sneaks a glance from his peripheral view, noticing the tight black clothes Woohyun is wearing and how he confidentally holds himself. 

The glance satisfied his curiosity for a moment, but the silence must become too heavy because Woohyun with his lovely voice says, "You're rather quiet." 

Sunggyu wants to say _No, I'm not quiet. I just can't think of anything to say_ , but that almost seems to cement the point further. 

"The quiet ones are the kinky ones." Woohyun says, soft and light heartedly but with a husky undertone, a promise of something to come and Sunggyu hates how much he over-analyzes the simple words that likely carry little meaning at all. Sunggyu doesn't blush because he has dignity, doesn't let little words affect him so easily but his heart definitely feels prickly and maybe his hands become restless against his cigarette. 

The foreign object feels odd in his mouth, like dusty paper against his tongue, and he only inhales the smoke once before firmly deciding not to continue. It's okay though because he is here, talking to Woohyun, the man in his vision who he will _die_ with, and everything seems just a little less scary and yet intensified all at once.

"Come inside with me. It looks like you could use a break." Woohyun says, and though it could be perceived as a demand, it sounded more playful and coy. Sunggyu briefly wonders what he looks like, if Woohyun had made such a comment. Does he look how he feels, tired and drained? Sunggyu cannot see it well in the darkness but Woohyun is grinning slightly, his straight teeth in a lovely row peeking from behind his lips. 

Sunggyu can't refuse the offer. He can't because this is his only chance to talk with Woohyun- Sunggyu didn't even have to find an excuse himself this time. Woohyun took the initiative instead. Everything fits so nicely, and it would be so easy to just slip right into the feel of things.

"Inside the building? The club?" Sunggyu asks with a hint of apprehension. He is not fond of clubs, really, but he might have a change of heart tonight.

Woohyun smiles for real this time, all his teeth are on display and it makes Sunggyu feel things. Woohyun's voice travels their short distance to say, "Yeah. My buddies and I are great dancers."

Dancers? Sunggyu doesn't get it at first and it must be obvious on his face, because Woohyun gestures down to his clothes and face by means of explanation. Sunggyu really examines him for the first time and he notices the glitter in Woohyun's hair, across his cheekbones, sticking to his sweat damp skin and tight revealing clothes (is that leather?), eyeliner making his eyes sleek and thin and beautiful. Sunggyu finally gets it.

"No, no. That's..." Sunggyy thinks of something to say besides the negative words he would probably say. "I'm okay." He doesn't have any interest in seeing _strippers_. His mother raised him better than to derive selfish pleasure from that form of entertainment.

"Ah, sorry man. I have such a hard time figuring out if guys are straight or not." Woohyun says, thinking that Sunggyu is turning down his offer because he's straight, and it's only in that moment that Sunggyu realizes they are leaning against the building of a gay club. It makes him uneasy, the party atmosphere and the suffocation he feels in that environment, but there's another soft and earnest chuckle hiding somewhere in Woohyun's words that affects Sunggyu more than he cares to admit. 

"I _am_ gay." Sunggyu says, the same words that had confused him as a child, haunted him as a teenager and became his undeniable identity as an adult. He lives peacefully with it now, but it rattles him every time he says it.

"Oh." Woohyun says, then a little higher. "Oh! So I'm right. _Awesome._ Do you want a drink?"

Sunggyu should say no, but he also should say yes. No, because he doesn't want more toxicity in his system making him ill, but yes because he might be able to spend just a little more time with the man who will die beside him. Conflict twirls endlessly inside him, mercilessly until Sunggyu gives into the temptation and hears himself say, "Okay." 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont sue me yet


	5. One Night & One Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im suddenly good at updating

...☆...

Sunggyu tries to ignore his surroundings, but he can't. He tries to keep his eyes away from the men on stage or the women in the corner, but everything here is designed to draw attention and Sunggyu is losing the battle. He avoids looking at the bar and the poles and the shot glasses and the blunts, desperately trying to not get sucked into the party life. This isn't an environment he is used to be any means, and he feels a sense of shyness wash over him at seeing these deeply personal things being so shamelessly displayed.

Sunggyu is pulled out of his head by Woohyun turning around to check up on him, asking him something that Sunggyu doesn't hear because the music is too loud. It must have been something that didn't need an answer because Woohyun continues walking. Right, Sunggyu is supposed to be following him. He got lost in his thoughts for too long.

They bypassed the bouncer- all Woohyun had to do was point at Sunggyu and say _He's with me_ and the man nodded, allowing them entrance with an unprofessionally haphazard glance at his ID. The beat of the drum and bass is overbearing and there's an odd flood of adrenaline shooting in his veins, a steady pulse that keeps him following obediently behind Woohyun's guidance around the club.

They arrive at a bar, different than the first one at the entrance. This one has a less intimidating atmosphere, at the very least. Sunggyu is grateful, but still slightly uncomfortable at being surrounded by people who are so blatantly expressing their lust for one another and he feels like he is intruding in their personal space. 

"Four shots of... what do you like, Junggyu?" Woohyun pauses, his eyes looking around like he's trying to remember his name. "No, _Sunggyu_? Sorry. Do you like Tequila?"

Even if Sunggyu didn't like Tequila, he wouldn't have said so. He nods his head and within a minute, a shot glass is being slid to him across the sticky bar counter. It looks great (or rather, it's after effects are great), but Sunggyu doesn't really want to drink it. He knows he'll just want another one. Sunggyu drinks it anyway because Woohyun tiped his head back when he downed his shot and his Adam's apple bob at the swallow. Woohyun looks refreshed, smiling and looking at Sunggyu just a little more openly and encouraging him to do the same. 

The alcohol burns wonderfully going down, bittersweet and intoxicating. The affects should take hold of him soon, hopefully making Sunggyu less of a nervous wreck and more eager to make conversation, but for now he is struck with feeling stiff and awkward. 

They stand at the bar for several moments, bartender making short conversation with Woohyun over the loud music. They must know each other, Sunggyu thinks. But of course they do, if Woohyun works here. He must see a lot of things here. 

It's been several minutes, he should have calmed down by now. He should have acclimated to the club environment and should have gotten the guts to make conversation and should have felt the tequila kick in, but none of that happened. Instead, Sunggyu lost his cigarette and just overhears Woohyun talk to the bartender loudly. 

Sunggyu can't stop thinking, either. Why is Woohyun going to die so young? Death, not by drugs or alcohol as it seems to be the most likely, but rather death by drowning. Why did Woohyun look so scared, so regretful as he died? And most of all, why was Sunggyu with him? Woohyun doesn't deserve to die. Not him, the man standing in front of Sunggyu with beautiful eyes and a loud voice. Pretty Woohyun, the man who seems wild and kind and likes to smoke. It couldn't him, could it? Putting a real name to the face feels so strange and surreal. 

Sunggyu is so tangled up in his thoughts that he doesn't realize Woohyun's conversation with the bartender went nowhere and has died down. He begins to look at Sunggyu quietly instead, blatantly making a show of checking him out. Woohyun can pull it off because he's so beautiful, but anyone else here would never hold Sunggyu's interest the way Woohyun has. When Sunggyu notices the roaming eyes on him, he feels a little too _on display_ , too exposed. Woohyun looks at him like he's something special, something he wants to touch and Sunggyu is terrified because he feels the same.

Head motioning towards the crowd of sweaty bodies dancing near the stage, Woohyun asks, "Want to?" 

Sunggyu shakes his head, a silent no. He's too fearful to do that sort of thing, showing off his mediocre dancing skills and thinking that the alcohol might make him do something beyond foolish (which has been known to happen). He doesn't really want to be sexually involved with Woohyun- rather, he wants to find out _why they die together_. Though at the same time, he wouldn't mind it. Sunggyu supposes that he'll go great lengths to find out. 

Woohyun steps closer, so much closer that Sunggyu almost feels a kiss on his lips, a kiss that never comes. Instead, Woohyun's breath is hot on his skin like a promise of things to come. Sunggyu doesn't even realize his eyes have slipped closed until he opens them, feeling embarrassed at their proximity but noticing that eveyone around them is doing the same. The colored flashing lights in the club make Woohyun's skin flicker blue and green and purple, but his eyes are constant and brown, searching into Sunggyu's for an answer. 

There are hands on Sunggyu's body, too. A palm on his ass and fingers on his hip wake him up from his reverie, sending a rush of adrenaline in his veins like a shot would. He doesn't stop Woohyun from touching him, and maybe that's the alcohol kicking in, letting things be done to him that he would normally decline. Everything becomes a bit slow and fluid around them and he doesn't mind the hands on his body right now. 

He is enjoying being touched, but he can't bring himself to touch Woohyun back. Sunggyu hasn't been in a situation like this for years and he doesn't know what to do. He knows he should be fun and spontaneous but he doesn't act upon any of Woohyun's advances in fear of making a mistake, even though there's a small part of him that wants to touch and touch and touch and never stop. 

Maybe at some point Woohyun gets tired of showing interest and not receiving anything in return because he says, "I should go," and looks around the dance floor for someone new. 

Sunggyu wants to yell _Wait, you don't understand. We're going to die_ , but he is caught in silence under the heat of the flashing strobe lights. He gets it- Woohyun just wants someone to fuck. That's okay, Sunggyu thinks. Some people enjoy hook ups like that, and even though Sunggyu has never had an interest in that sort of thing, he cab understand why others do. Sunggyu should go in for the kill because it's been so long since he's gotten laid, and Dongwoo would probably be proud of him if he did. This is his chance-, someone is showing interest in him, and all Sunggyu needs to do is make a move in return.

"Wait, wait- Woohyun?" Sunggyu hears himself ask, loudly over the music. If he doesn't catch Woohyun's interest now, he might not have another shot again. At hearing a voice, Woohyun turns to look at him, expression a bit blank. Sunggyu adds timidly, "Do you... want to come over? To my apartment?" 

Sunggyu dreads the words as they spill out, fearful of the implications because he immediately comes to the realization that he does _not_ want to have a casual fuck with the man he's going to die with. A moment ago he mentally gave himself a great pep talk, enough to gather the courage to ask Woohyun such a question. Now, he almost regrets it. The words seemed harmless in his head but now they seem real and jagged and terrifying. Sunggyu has always been mild, modest, conservative, and Woohyun is still a stranger. He only asked because it seemed like the only way to get Woohyun's interest.

Even so, Woohyun's eyes begin to sparkle, brightening up considerably. It would be comical in any other situation, the way his demeanor shifted. "For some fun?" He asks cutely, voice raising in interest like a child. 

Sunggyu hates it, hates it all. He should have never even said anything, but then again... "Yeah, fun." 

To further the point, he puts his arms around Woohyun's neck flirtatiously in a continuous burst of bravery, trying to prove that he wants this (but really, is he trying to prove it to himself or to Woohyun?) and the man smiles brightly again. It's so blindingly beautiful that Sunggyu is suddenly struck with the thought that he would do anything to make that smile appear again. Woohyun becomes shy, as if he suddenly remembered a smile too bright and genuinely excited isn't as sexy as a coy and flirtatious one. Truthfully, Sunggyu likes the real smile best, but this one is really nice too.

"Hm, that's more like it. I was hoping you'd say that." Woohyun hums, and his fingers do things to Sunggyu's hair, shuddering at the light touch. 

Sunggyu says, "Yeah?" His body reacts to all of Woohyun's touches and words, heightened with the club atmosphere and alcohol. He isn't thinking all too straight. 

"Yeah, I thought you'd never ask. Let's go." Woohyun says, and he leads the way out of the club. His hand is pulling Sunggyu behind him through the crowd, looking over his shoulder occasionally to make sure he's still there, just like how they were when they arrived. 

Woohyun isn't drunk, but his steps are definitely sloppy and he starts to giggle at one point. It's off-putting and charming at the same time and Sunggyu feels enough conflict to combust. 

The cool night air breezes past them, wisping their hair and cooling their sweat as they finally step outside. The two of them ride a taxi to Sunggyu's apartment, and Woohyun touches him the whole ride there. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you guys have a twitter


	6. A Taste & No Waste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enough plot lets skip straight into the naughty parts shall we
> 
> warning: boy bits ??? holes ??? sEMEN¿¿

...☆...

Everything blurs together except for the warm hands on his body. Sunggyu doesn't remember much except for the taxi being too cold and the driver never being bothered to turn on the heat because he probably didn't like the fact that they were feeling each other up in the backseat. Everything besides that was a messy memory and the only thing Sunggyu can focus on is the sight of Woohyun pulling his shirt over his head with practiced ease. He watches Woohyun's fingers unzip his pants in what seems to be a familiar motion- there's no doubt he's experienced. It makes Sunggyu worry a little, because how good will he be compared to all the others Woohyun has been with? The thought tumbles around in his intoxicated brain and Woohyun makes it go away with his gentle touches.

"I'm surprised," Woohyun says, voice thick and hurried in between open mouthed kisses to Sunggyu's neck, "that you were eager this fast. I almost gave up, thought you were a nun or something." 

Sunggyu? Eager? Had he really portrayed himself in such a manner? He supposes it doesn't really matter because the only thing that _does_ matter is Woohyun's teeth biting his earlobe and warm hands prodding at his neck. Sunggyu revels in the feeling, all the feelings he thought he had lost and all the teenage horniness that he never really expelled comes crashing back.

"You haven't even seen me dance yet." Woohyun says, and every word is slow and promising with a pinch of his nipple to further a point. "Once you see me, you'll really want to fuck me." 

Sunggyu envisions it and nearly feels dizzy with intoxicating desire. What would Woohyun wear? What would his face look like, or his body? He can't help but let his head fall back against the bed with closed eyes and moan, just a little. The words coming out of Woohyun's lips send tingles throughout Sunggyu's skin and his body is on fire, a fever-like sensation accompanying the building arousal. When all the clothes have been tossed aside, Woohyun crawls above him, finding a position that his glorious body can stay in.

There's a mess of teeth and tongues and hands everywhere, heightening his desire with every bite and lick that follows. Without clothes acting as a barrier and hindrance to the view, Sunggyu can finally admire everything about Woohyun in the mediocre lighting above his bed. Woohyun has musclar thighs that he probably acquired from dancing, long arms and long fingers that Sunggyu can imagine all kinds of dirty things with. His apartment is full of cool air and it makes Woohyun's nipples stand up, inviting to be touched and played with. Sunggyu's body is probably reacting the same, but he only cares about Woohyun's.

Seeing him so clearly without the club lights or the hindrance of clothing, Sunggyu suddenly wants to touch him everywhere. The jut of Woohyun's hipbones, the dip of his back and the expanse of his stomach, his thighs, his arms, neck, collarbones, _everything_. It's almost scary how much desire Sunggyu is feeling in such a short amount of time. It doesn't even feel real, all the sensations of this entire situation feeling too much like a fantasy.

There's lots of tongues, but there isn't any kissing. In fact, Woohyun avoids it entirely, but Sunggyu figures it's more professional that way (it feels less special knowing that Woohyun probably does this often, but for his own sake Sunggyu tries not to dwell on that). Woohyun is kissing his stomach instead, breath warming around his belly button on each hummed exhale and a tongue swirling around the flesh surrounding it, which makes up for the 'no kissing' rule entirely.

Woohyun doesn't stay in one place for long like he wants to taste everything. He nips Sunggyu's inner thigh, making him squeak a little childishly in surprise. Woohyun travels again, this time ghosting over Sunggyu's length and licking so unbearably _teasingly_ at the tip, eliciting a response from Sunggyu in the form of clenched fists and a held back whine. Woohyun must see this because he leans up to lick Sunggyu's throat, whispering, "I wanna hear you."

The bed squeaks sometimes, especially if any weight is distributed unevenly to the upper left side of the bed, and it makes Woohyun laugh just a little bit. They swith positions multiple times, Woohyun being on top most of the time, then Sunggyu deciding to take control and flip them. Woohyun smiles every time, and it looks so out of place when they're both naked and hard, and rather something you'd see at theatre playing a funny film. Sunggy would almost take offense- sex shouldn't be something to smike at, right? It's all serious business here- but Woohyun is amused because it's obvious Sunggyu doesn't know if he wants to top or bottom. Dominating and being dominated have such different feelings and it's too difficult to chose. Either Woohyun is observant and noticed his indecision, or Sunggyu is really blatantly unsure because Woohyun eventually takes control, resting his ass on Sunggyu's thighs. Sunggyu is on his back, laying down on the bed and marveling at the wonderful view he has.

Woohyun looks so playful in this position, back in a slight arch and palms on Sunggyu's hips. His legs are spread, biting his lip and it's been so _long_ since Sunggyu has been privileged with a sight so beautiful. He thinks he might combust or something. Sunggyu's salivary glands even begin kicking things into high gear because the mere sight of Woohyun's bare body makes him react in this way. He just wants Woohyun so badly, so suddenly, wants to taste him and see him come. 

Before long there's a mess of lube and condoms and fingers ready to stretch, which Woohyun bats away because he insists that he likes the burn. Sunggyu insists right back, saying, "Never underestimate the power of stretching," and he can't believe he said that to someone far more experienced than himself. After Woohyun has been prepared, Sunggyu makes sure everything is okay before he entere Woohyun, nerves easing tremendously and worries being erased. Woohyun is nice and tight around Sunggyu, who's hands are shaking with the overwhelming feeling of pleasure. Everything becomes languid and hot and wonderful when Woohyun acclimates to the length inside him and begins to move ever so slightly to accomedate all of Sunggyu.

Technically Woohyun bottoms, but he is physically on the top of Sunggyu, remaining in control the entire time. It doesn't take long for Woohyun to adjust to the length inside of him, rolling his hips around for only a minute before beginning to ride him eagerly, head tossed back in pleasure as hands lightly guide him. When Sunggyu lifts his hips off the bed in a thrust, hitting Woohyun's prostate dead on, Woohyun lets out a loud sound that the neighbors will be sure to complain about tomorrow.

"Fuck, Sunggyu. God damnit, _fuck._ " The obscenities continue to spill from Woohyun's lips, proof that Sunggyu must be doing something right. The room is filled with sounds of skin slapping against skin, ass against thighs, the slippery lube making obscene noises with their intensity. They fall into a steady rhythm for a while, somewhere in between slow and fast, a constant speed until Sunggyu can't hold it any longer and is reduced to twitching and writhing on the bed in anticipation. 

Woohyun is fisting himself quickly, out of sync with the rhythm of their thrusts. His fingers are wrapped around his base and drag upwards to the sensitive head, mewls and moans intermittently being heard. Sunggyu can't even distinguish who's moan belongs to who anymore, both intertwining into a loud mess.The sight of Woohyun is too much for Sunggyu to handle, and coupled with the tightness around his dick, he won't last much longer. 

"Sunggyu. _Sunggyu_ , I'm going to..." Woohyun says, his voice strained from being on the edge of orgasm. The words are choppy and broken up, his panting and swallowing separating the syllables and Sunggyu thinks it should be illegal, the way Woohyun's loud voice raises and vocal chords tighten to cut off into a breathy whine. Sunggyu could get off from these noises alone.

Woohyun comes first, releasing pearly strings onto his stomach and dripping down his length in clear evidence of their passion. Sunggyu follows shortly after, pulling out of Woohyun and rolling off the condom to jerk himself into completion. Only a few loose strokes are necessary before he's unconsciously bucking his hips upwards, coming and adding to the mess on his stomach. 

Their heavy breathing dies down into something calmer, something steady and not-quite-but-almost synchronized. Sunggyu feels lazy and spent, but at the same time, he's happy and relieved. The atmosphere slips into a peaceful silence as they bask in the sleepiness that comes with ther orgasms, letting their mind and bodies replenish their energy. 

Sunggyu glances briefly at the digital clock on his nightstand, the screen brightly proclaiming it to be 1:42 am. He's so distracted, thinking how just an hour ago he was simply trying to make his way home, that he almost doesn't hear Woohyun say, "I should get back to the club." 

When the words register, Sunggyu stills. They weren't the words he wanted to hear, nor were they what he was expecting. He wants to pull Woohyun in tightly and say _Don't go. I don't want you to die_ , but he refains from doing something so foolish, so _absurd_. It's only been an hour at the most since they met. It's to soon to ask for a number, too odd to ask for more.

"You were great, though." Woohyun says lightly. "Guys like you are fun." A smile briefly appears on his beautiful face before he stands up. 

"What does that mean?" Sunggyu says, because he is too tired to contemplate the meaning behind Woohyun's words. He just wants to be lazy and look at Woohyun in all his naked glory.

Woohyun doesn't even think about his reply. "You react to everything; every touch, every sound. Hyper sensitive. Take away one of your senses, and we could have even more fun with that."

Sunggyu wonders what that means briefly, but then the thought of _We will be doing this again?_ perks up, because Woohyun implied a _next time_. With that, Sunggyu didn't think Woohyun would leave so soon but then again, he didn't think far ahead enough to consider them having sex, so he can't be blamed. 

There's a brief flash of panic in Sunggyu when Woohyun gathers his strewn clothes and pulls them over his beautiful body. _I need to say something. I need to see him again._ He needs to see Woohyun again, not for sex, but for peace of mind that he's still safe and alive.

"You coming back to the club?" Woohyun inquiries, zipping up his pants and Sunggyu remembers that motion being done in reverse only moments ago. 

"No, I..." Sunggyu releases a breath of air. "I'm good at home." He's under the covers, warm and sated with the alcohol and cigarette and sex throughout his body. Sunggyu watches Woohyun shrug and pluck at his hair in the nearby mirror. The room is silent, as neither of them have anything to say, but it doesn't seem wuiet because Sunggyu's thoughts are loud in his brain. It isn't long before Woohyun is completely dressed again, looking confident as he continues fixing his appearance.

Sunggyu surprises himself by saying without any pre-thought, "I want to see you dance." It was an excuse to be around Woohyun for a little bit longer, and a reason to see him again. 

A smile appears on Woohyun's face, so pretty. Sunggyu gets a bit cocky with, "You might suck, so I'll be the judge of your skill."

"I'm good at sucking." Woohyun says with a flirtatious wink, a pun that makes Sunggyu shy all over again. "Meet again at the club, okay? Next friday?" 

Sunggyu can only say, "Okay," without letting too much excitement show as Woohyun bows in parting, walking out of the apartment door.

...☆...

Sunggyu wakes up uncharacteristically easily, feeling well rested and energetic. It's been so long since he felt this way (usually waking up unbelievably miserable) and there's only one thing he can attribute it to. The name of said thing rattles around in his brain, taking firm hold and never leaving.

He eats breakfast and doesn't worry about his job, his visions, his _anything_. Sunggyu just feels too good to complain. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was such mild vanilla smut but i still need me some holy water god bless
> 
> i was so tempted to replace dick with 'meat stick' just for the lulz but i didnt and i bet yall are thankful


	7. Dirty Dance & Flirty Stance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i along with uploading this chapter, i kinda "re wrote" the last two or three chapters. i didnt change the plot or anything. i just added more details because i felt like the chapters were too short and lacking the usual detail i have, so i wanted to change it :))))
> 
> BY THE WAY i rly wanna thank yall for enjoying this fic. its been so fun writing it and i feel like i grow as an author with each fic i write. *gets teary eyed* ive been writing fics for about four years now, but i havent really published any because they are all unfinished. THE POINT HERE is that all yalls support is really encouraging and motivates me to keep writing and YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY REASON THAT THIS SHIT FIC WILL CONTINUE TIL THE END. AMEN.

...☆...

Sunggyu has only been here once before, memories of last week's events never seeming to escape his mind. The club full of damp bodies jumping to loud music and cigarette smoke permeating the air strangely holds a feeling of familiarity to him. Sunggyu has walked this way before, and with each step he takes across the stained floor, the memories of last week resurface (though they have been at the forefront of his mind ever since). He tries to recall the exact details of where the other room was- the room with the bar and less people.

His shirt suddenly feels a little too tight, too stuffy in this atmosphere. Sunggyu feels like he doesn't fit in here and feels like everyone knows it, like everyone has their eyes on him when he breaths. It's a little suffocating, but alcohol is likely to drown his worries so he sets his mind on a few shots before finding Woohyun. Sunggyu can handle himself; he is an adult. Walking proves to hsve its difficulties because it seems like snakes have collectively circled around his ankles or something, stopping him from moving. Or maybe it's just the nerves telling him to go home.

As Sunggyu travels a little aimlessly around the club, he tries to avoid the mass of people surrounding him (meanwhile, he laughs at himself internally for going to a club just to avoid everyone there). Finding the bar room was a task quickly completed, and Sunggyu commits to memory the path he took in case he'd be traveling this way again. He doesn't think he'll be at the club again, but upon brief consideration, Sunggyu realizes that he never expected to visit a strip club in the first place. Yet here he is, relieved to see the bartender pour a tequila into a shot glass for him as people around him dance seductively.

Two shots later (just as many as last time), he finds Woohyun. Woohyun, the guy with a long torso and tight clothes and a smooth voice and _Woohyun_. The same guy that Sunggyu had touched and felt and fucked- the memories hit him so strongly that he gets dizzy with it. Sunggyu is startled that he's spun himself into a web of such strong attraction so soon, unable to escape it. How many others have felt the same, he wonders? Sunggyu needs to calm himself down, maybe get another shot of something stronger but his feet are suddenly made of solid lead when he sees Woohyun across the room. 

His stomach twists uncomfortably as he watches Woohyun talk to equally as attractive men around him, unessescary jealousy telling him that Woohyun is too busy to notice Sunggyu. When he realizes he's being foolish, he picks his feet up and walks towards him with as much confidence as he can pretend to portray. No one seems to notice his presence, and Sunggyu is slightly hesitant to break up the conversation they seem to be enjoying. But when Woohyun's eyes briefly catch Sunggyu's, he leaves the men around him and walks toward Sunggyu. 

" _Sunggyu_." Woohyun says, eyes glittering with literal glittery makeup, hair once again styled upwards. Sunggyu is surprised that Woohyun remembers his name, the same name he was moaning last week and it sounds just as beautiful in both contexts.

Sunggyu wants to bow politely because he wants to leave a good impression, but the club lights travel over something shiny and metallic on Woohyun's neck and Sunggyu stops, his mouth suddenly very dry. Woohyun is wearing a collar, a little thick and deep black with silver buckles to tighten around his neck accordingly. The leather seems to match the harness reaching around his back and chest. The straps meet in the center of his chest with metal rings, probably cool to the touch if Sunggyu actually dared to touch them. Or maybe they were warm, being heated from the constant contact rubbing against Woohyun's warm chest. Against his skin, his nipples are dark and perky, peeking out from behind the maze of leather and metal. 

It's hard to see his face clearly here, difficult to truly appreciate Woohyun's beauty in its entirety. The dark ambiance and colored lights casting shadows are hindering him from doing so, masking the true colors of the surfaces it touches and adding a blurriness to the surroundings. Of course, anyone who spared a passing glance could tell Woohyun was beautiful, but they wouldn't understand the way his lips parted with a deep exhale when his prostate was hit or the way his eyes closed tightly when an orgasm washed over him.

Sunggyu himself didn't come to realize all of Woohyun's beauty until they were at his apartment, hands all over in desperation and distracted by their lust. Woohyun looked tempting back then, and even more so right now.Woohyun becomes falsely demure as his demeanor and posture change, shoulders held back and head tilted at an angle to extenuate his jawline and draw appeal to the expanse of his neck. It's working. 

Sunggyu finds himself forgetting about all the people surrounding him until Woohyun breaks his reverie with his voice saying, "This is Myungsoo, Sungyeol, and Sungjong."

Sunggyu had forgotten about them too, but they are brought to his attention when Woohyun mentions them. "They work alongside me on stage. You'll get to see us all dance in a little while. Though, Sungyeol is a shit dancer so he's primarily in charge of the poles."

 _Right_ , Sunggyu thinks. Strippers and pole dancers. He nods and tries to smile but the expression feels awkward on his face. The sentiments manifest themselves in a polite bow of greeting, though admittedly it's a bit of a formal gesture in such a casual place. Sunggyu wonders what they think of him, wonders what _Woohyun _thinks of him.__

If any surprise has risen from Sunggyu's gesture they don't show it, instead bowing in unison. The lights catch the face of one of them and Sunggyu studies his features for the fleeting moment that illuminates him. Though the guy can't compete with Woohyun, his lips are nice and his cheekbones are nice and his body is nice. Sunggyu thinks just for a moment that this guy (boy?) looks familiar, but it is just a passing thought. The more Sunggyu thinks about it, the less answers he can conclude to, so he tries to brush it away because there's a pounding in his chest that isn't going away from Woohyun's sudden close proximity. 

He's pulled out of his thoughts when Woohyun wraps his fingers around Sunggyu's wrist, a gentle tug in a different direction to non-verbally say _let's get out of here_. Sunggyu looks at the group, noticing they've all lost interest and are instead talking amongst each other and looking cool.

With their hands somewhat connected, Sunggyu and Woohyun leave the tightly packed dancefloor to make their way towards the first room, the one that you're led into upon entering the club. It's larger and less densely packed, but the stage is wide and the lights are different. The poles reflect the light from the ceiling and gleam off of it interestingly. Sunggyu almost trips with a happy anxiety in his stomach, twirling and twisting and making him excited.

"I'll be up soon." Woohyun says, voice being overpowered by the music but nonetheless distinguishable. "You have time to get a drink or a smoke. We have to take a few minutes to get ready before we perform, you know."

No, Sunggyu _doesn't_ know, but he nods anyways because Woohyun looks breathtaking and Sunggyu can't think properly. He wants to say that he's already had two shots, but that isn't an excuse and Woohyun probably has a high alcohol tolerance from being in this environment for so long. Actually, Sunggyu doesn't even know long Woohyun has been here (he guesses over a year, what with how confident Woohyun seems to hold himself), and there are so many other things Sunggyu wants to ask but cannot find the right time to do so.

Sunggyu ends up drinking two more shots, though this time of an alcohol he doesn't recognize. The time passes by quickly when he can only focus on the burn in his throat from the drink being stronger than he anticipated. Maybe the time in between Woohyun getting prepared and Sunggyu wincing at the drink was short. He can't really make sense of time right now, too difficult to distinguish when his brain has already begun to feel so mushy.

Before long there is a cliché announcer who talks about something Sunggyu doesn't pay attention to, and there are some dancers. His eyes are searching for someone in particular, but Woohyun never comes. It's a few songs later until Woohyun does appear, and Sunggyu becomes so enraptured that he forgets everything around him once again.

The other dances are pretty good too. The one the announcer had called 'Sungjong', the same one who looked incredibly familiar, was in a tall metal cage on his hands and knees, whipping his head around to the music. There were a lot of cheers for him, apparently proving to have a large fanbase within the crowd.

The other one (Myungsoo, was it?) was dancing alongside Woohyun. Unfortunately for the other guy, Sunggyu could only keep his eyes on Woohyun- the way his hips rolled, grinded into the air, moving his body in a sensual way to the fast music and running his hands along his body. His fingers stopped at the base of his pants in a teasing manner as the crowd cheered for them to come off. Woohyun said something, but his voice was covered by the loud music.

They all kept dancing, wonderfully in sync and captivating. The other guys were great- one of them, Sungyeol, was sliding up and down the poles with the noticeable ease and comfortability that only comes from experience. Woohyun was briefly on the poles too but not for long, because dancing seemed to be his main job. He looked just as beautiful as he did in bed last time, moving his body confidently as everyone watches in blatant fascination at his passion.

It all came to an end soon, but Sunggyu wanted it to continue forever. He was breathless for some reason and he wanted to watch it all over agan except with no one else around him. With nothing to focus on anymore when the performance ended, Sunggyu was immediately hyper aware of his beating heart, his sweaty palms and fast racing mind.

Sunggyu stands awkwardly amidst the crowd of dancing people and waits for Woohyun to find him. There are other dancers now, but none of them compare to Woohyun. In the meantime, Sunggyu fights off the budding feeling of arousal growing in his stomach. He almost feels guilty for enjoying the show being put on just a moment ago, but he washes it away with another shot from the bar. Sunggyu meanders around for a while until there are suddenly someone behind him slides their hands over his chest. He's startled, wondering _who who who_ before he hears a voice close to his ear say, "Your apartment?"

It's Woohyun, sly smile and sweat sticking to his skin. The metal buckle of his collar is a little off kilter to the side, reflecting the lights and Sunggyu wants nothing more than to touch him all over. It's been years since he's been so consumed by the unfamiliar sensation of lust, so much so that Sunggyu hardly believes he's feeling this. It's too overwhelming to be false, though. It feels too real to be anything less.

"Yes." Sunggyu manages to say, feeling nervous and excited all at once. Woohyun does something to him that is hard to comprehend.

Just like last time, Woohyun and Sunggyu get into the taxi and end up at his apartment in no time.

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERES A GIF OF WOOHYUN WEARING A COLLAR (IF THE LINK DOESNT WORK U CAN COPY AND PASTE IT INTO A URL) http://chimera.mixrmedia.com/wp-uploads/ningin/blog/2012/02/woohyun-collar.gif
> 
> HERES A GIF OF WOOHYUN POLE DANCING https://m.popkey.co/9e3752/zJDdz.gif
> 
> HERES A PIC OF WHAT I IMAGINED HIS BODY BELT/HARNESS LOOKED LIKE http://www.dhresource.com/200x200/f2/albu/g1/M00/DF/81/rBVaGVaTZw-ASIEsAADH9CQDKFM846.jpg
> 
> also quick question here: do you prefer the fic to consists of longer paragraphs, or is it better to read if its large paragraphs being cut into several smaller paragraphs? which is better to read?


	8. The Reality & The Sensuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright kiddos let me set you straight on the dealio. its not my intention for this fic to have a lot of smut in it. but i know what yall are thinking- wtf your last few chapters were kinda smutty and i bet this chapter has smut too (ur right)- and okay i _know_. but actually, there will only be one (or possibly two, but that second one will be much later) more smut scene/s. after that, it will be all plot and development. its just that the smut here is necessary because it jumpstarts gyu and woo's relationship faster and expands on gyu's emotions a little more. i dont want everyone thinking this story is gonna be a pwp or something. 
> 
> tl;dr bear with me, because theres only 1 or 2 more smutty chapters before you can be bombarded with ~~angst~~ plot. it just seems like a lot of smut right now because i introduced it so quickly and already twice. and because i feel bad about this (i know some of my readers arent rly into smut), i will be uploading the next chapter early tomorrow (surprise surprise its more smut) AND THEN AFTER THAT, IT WILL BE SOLID PLOT AND DEVELOPMENTTTTT :') pls forgive my sins

...☆...

Everything is warm and cold at the same time; cold air that hits them as they walk out of the taxi and into the night, but warm yearning hands that trace imaginary patterns along each others' bare skin. There's a different feeling in the air tonight- Sunggyu senses the blatant enthusiasm permeating the apartment and can taste the desperation on Woohyun's tongue, bittersweet and flavored faintly of alcohol.

Sunggyu reaches a hand blindly to fumble in the general vicinity of his nightstand, stretching his arm to open the drawer and find the bottle of lube inside. There's a rattle of the miniature airplane pieces when they roll around in the drawer- being carelessly tugged open had cause them to slide. Woohyun's observant eye catches on the sound, attention stuck between Sunggyu's body and the drawer. "Airplanes, huh?" A dirty thrust here, a flick of tongue there. "You like to- _ah_ , collect?" 

It's the worst time for Sunggyu to be reminded of his work, of his boss, of his co-workers and the fire and everything that happened before he met Woohyun. If he dwells on it, he fears a storm of unwanted memories will invade his mind and he doesn't want to think about anything that will disrupt the feeling between him and Woohyun tonight. Sunggyu makes a noncommittle sound in response, but it's masked by a sharp intake of breath from Woohyun's magic hands doing dirty things to him.

Woohyun must not expect a reply because his mouth is everywhere, quick and needy. Each and every moment reflects their hurried desire (and though there is no reason to be hurried, Sunggyu likes the feeling anyway and doesn't bother bringing it to attention nor makes any action to stop it), especially with the way Woohyun tugs and pulls hair with long fingers. It feels as though they can't get enough of each other with the limited amount of time they've been given. Sunggyu doesn't mind because he gets to taste even more of Woohyun this time, every expanse of skin so beautifully on display and all _his_.

This time, it's almost better than their first. They've become familiar with each other and their bodies, what they like and what they don't like. Woohyun even remembers the area on Sunggyu's upper thigh that he loves to have bitten, or how sensitive his nipples are. Little things that make Sunggyu scream just a bit louder seemed to have been all committed to his memory. If this, whatever _this_ is, were to happen again or even continually, Sunggyu reckons he'll know a lot about what Woohyun wants in bed.

But that's where the problems hides. Sunggyu wants to know more than just trivial sexual preferences. He wants to know if Woohyun likes sugar in his tea or prefers coffee, if he likes Western films or is partial to their native dramas. Would Woohyun work at a library or a coffee shop, or maybe a tattoo parlor instead? Does he prefer the hot sun of summer or do the December winds bring him more joy? Sunggyu wants to know more than just knowing that Woohyun likes to begin with fast thrusts and end with slow and lazy hip rolls. Sunggyu wants to _know_ Woohyun, wants to save him from the scary world that will eventually kill him. 

Every person in the world has a story, something that defines them or serves as a lifelong memory, and Sunggyu is oblivious to them all. What makes Woohyun so special? Is it because of the visions that causes him to stand out, or is it his stark beauty and the attention he pays to Sunggyu? It's driving him mad; he cannot seem to figure anything solid on Woohyun or his life. If he knew the answers, things would be different.

Because there's so much being hidden from him, trapped between Woohyun's exterior, it makes Sunggyu desperately curious to discover every little thing about him. It's startling how intense this feeling has become, grown from just a seed of curiosity at a vision he once had, but even that in itself seems small when compared to the full picture. He doesn't try to fight the feeling because it seems as though it belongs there, aching in Sunggyu's empty chest and keeping his mind occupied during the lonely stretch of days.

Sunggyu feels guilty for enjoying Woohyun and his body, twisting around to form a messy knot of anxiety in his gut. He tries to swallow it down, a half hearted attempt to ignore the burn of his negative thoughts, but alongside it comes an ugly mantra of _I don't deserve this_ , unprecedented in its arrival and making him clench his fists.

It's persistence finally dissolves after Woohyun involuntarily (or perhaps intentionally) clenches his body around Sunggyu. This time, he gets to watch Woohyun writhe underneath him and Sunggyu falls into a pit of endless pleasure, making him forget and consequently subsiding the guilt. It's so intense, the way their eyes are locked onto each other, and Woohyun's beauty captivates all of Sunggyu's attention. He tries to find a single flaw in Woohyun, but there really is nothing at all. There's a little scar on the back of Woohyun's neck, near the hairline, but even that seems to add character to him. 

Every detail keeps hs mind occupied, and when the orgasm washes over them both and Sunggyu collapses in the bed, he quickly feigns sleep. If he is immovable, holding on to Woohyun's body, maybe Woohyun will stay longer, if only for a moment. 

"I knew you were the cuddling type." Woohyun says after a moment of silence, probably thinking Sunggyu has drifted to sleep. His voice is jagged with a lack of breath, still coming down from his high and Sunggyu has to repress a shiver. "To be honest, I am too."

Normally Sunggyu has to pretend to smile, often directed to his co-workers or kind waiters, but this is one of the first times he can recall having to hide a smile. Woohyun is just so _endearing_ with his voice and eyes and words and actions. Sunggyu doesn't want to ruin the illusion of being asleep so he wills himself to remain still. 

It's only a few minutes of satisfying silence and semi-synchronized heartbeats before Woohyun breaks it with a whisper. "I should probably head back." 

At least he stayed a few minutes extra, Sunggyu thinks, already missing the feeling of arms around his chest. Woohyun continues with, "I kind of have an appointment. There's a new dancer with us and he needs to be taught a few basic things about the business." 

Sunggyu makes a noise, something in between agreement and resignation. It's _don't go_ and _tell me more_ mixed into one. Sunggyu pretends to wake up and says, "That's fine," because it really is fine and there is no justifiable reason that Sunggyu's stomach is getting angry at the prospect of Woohyun leaving to teach a guy about being a stripper.

"This was nice, though." Woohyun says and he stands up from the bed, springs creaking in protest. "I'm getting payed to dance, so I can only skip out for sex on the job before I start losing money."

Was that just a really nice way of saying they should stop? Is Sunggyu being paranoid and hearing something else? Questions arise but the only one that seems to cover every base is "What?"

"As dancers, we're allowed breaks during our shifts. You know." Woohyun begins with a vague hand gesture. "In case someone wants to take it further, which is expected but obviously not necessary. We're supposed to be back at the club by a certain time for the next show." Confirmed, Woohyun has been with a lot of people. _Right._ "And I'm using all my on-the-job free time for you."

"Oh." Sunggyu says, and it feels lame when he does but it's all he can manage.

Woohyun begins looking around the apartment bedroom for his tossed clothing. "You've never been to a club before, right?"

Sunggyu shifts and the bed protests. "How did you-"

"It's pretty obvious."

Sunggyu thinks it probably was and can only imagine the inexperience written all over his face and staining his movements, awkward and maybe a little lost.

"Anyways, I'll see you again, right?" And Woohyun looks partially expectant and hopeful. 

Sunggyu thinks _of course I will see you again- right before you die_ but that isn't something to bring out right now, so he just hopes he gives the right answer when he says, "Yes."

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE ACTUALLY FUCKING WILD. AS. FUCK.


	9. Bitter Expectations & Honest Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MEANT TO POST THIS LIKE FIVE HOURS AGO BUT IM CURRENTLY MOVING HOUSES AND THERE WERE SOME TROUBLES SO I HAD TO POSTPONE THE FIC IM S SORURURUY

...☆...

Sunggyu returns to the club again and this time his ears are filled with the words of _did you see the new dancer? He's amazing_. Sunggyu's curiosity is a little heightened, but even so, his attention would always be fixed on Woohyun because he seems to outshine everyone around him.

With everyone's words passing around the club, Sunggyu mindlessly begins to form a rough idea of what the dancer looks like, just to pass the time until Woohyun finds him. Sunggyu _doesn't_ expect to see Lee Howon saunter on the stage, feeling the beat and beginning to move to the music in a way Sunggyu had no idea his co-worker was capable of. This can't be the new dancer everyone seemed to be whispering about, right? 

Sunggyu gapes the whole time, and after the (admittedly great) performance, Sunggyu finds himself instinctively walking towards Howon. The dancer is chatting with someone, Sungjong perhaps, and Sunggyu doesn't think twice about interrupting.

"Why the hell are you here?" Sunggyu asks him, loud over the music and he feels like everyone is suddenly looking at him. It was not his intention to sound rude, but it must have been perceived in that manner because Howon looks hurt rather than surprised to see Sunggyu.

"I-" Howon begins, maybe angry or maybe about to explain, but Sunggyu interrupts him.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." He says, a mediocre attempt to apologize. "I just never expected to see you here." 

"Neither did I, Mister The-only-expression-I-know-is-a-scowl. I didn't think you knew what strippers were." Howon meant it to be teasing, probably, but it makes Sunggyu wonder how many people have labeled him as being uptight and constantly frustrated. Probably everyone. 

"I like what I like." Sunggyu says, but even to his own ears it falls flat and false. This is never a place he would have willingly gone to had he not seen Woohyun standing so beautifully outside it, so he doesn't know why he said that. Maybe to prove a point, no matter how trivial it may be. 

"Sure." Howon says, as if he knows it's false just as much as Sunggyu does, but his face gets slightly more solemn as he continues, still shouting over the music. "Workman's compensation from the accident didn't really pay enough, and my mother stopped working after my sister died. We need money."

Sunggyu thinks he almost forgot about his sister's suicide, about the fire at work that burned Howon and killed his boss and placed him in this mess, but there's no way he really did forget. It is impossible to forget the guilt and fear that washed over him for weeks after the events took place, but he pretends like it never happened (for his own peace of mind). 

Sunggyu is pulled out of his thoughts with Howon's sharp voice piercing through with, "Besides, I'm a good dancer, so why not?" 

Right, Howon had mentioned dancing several times before, but his comments were almost always directed towards Dongwoo. Sunggyu tries not to think about the hospital incident and Dongwoo's wife, but he can't stop himself from asking, "What about Dongwoo?"

Howon is typically unreadable, but even more so now. Sunggyu is envious that Howon is able to keep his emotions so under control, hidden away without them bubbling to affect his expressions. "There's nothing to talk about. Hyung is married and he is rightfully happy." Howon lets a peek of fondness show on his face when he says, "He's fragile and I don't want him to get hurt." 

The latter sentence seemed to be the real truth, the rest being excuses and Sunggyu acknowledges it with a nod of agreement. He's about to say something, maybe along the lines of a compliment to his performance or maybe ask how he likes it here, but a different voice intrudes before he can speak. 

"You two know each other?" Woohyun says, and his pupils dash between Sunggyu and Howon. 

"You know Woohyun?" Howon counters him, directing his question to Sunggyu who only shrugs in response. There's nothing he can really say without getting too detailed, and he hates having to shout over the music to be heard. 

"I... know him, yeah." Sunggyu offers, but it sounds like an anti-climax of a great story, grey and bleak.

"Oh no," Woohyun interjects, and Sunggyu has a flash of panic that hits his stomach roughly, as if maybe he has done something wrong, but Woohyun calms it with, "Were you guys together or something? Does Sunggyu have a thing for dancers?"

Sunggyu might have laughed if he weren't so stunned. " _No."_

"Oh." Woohyun says, and Howon is busy laughing off to the side, showing his wolfish teeth. "Because I was going to suggest a threesome." 

Sunggyu thinks about it for only a moment before again saying, "Really, no." And after a moment, he catches the attention of Howon and adds, "Besides, I think Howon has his eyes on someone else." 

Sunggyu doesn't bring to surface the fact that despite his desires, Howon will likely never have a chance with a married man (or if he does, he shouldn't take it), because Woohyun doesn't need to know that. Instead he says, "We were once co-workers. We worked in the same division."

"But not anymore?" Woohyun asks, and Sunggyu isn't ready to answer questions like this. No, it hits too deeply and the only answer he can give would be long and drawn and and borderline nonsensical, completely inappropriate for the environment here. Instead, Sunggyu says, "That's a story for another time." 

Howon laughs again, and it's almost inaudible from the music being played unbearably loud but Sunggyu hears it nonetheless. It catches his attention and he wonders what Howon really is really doing here, talking to him and Woohyun when he could be off doing something better.

Howon looks nice, though. He's wearing a strappy leather harness, tucked tightly around his body, and it's a startling contrast from his bleak work uniform that Sunggyu had always seen him in. It was difficult to discern with the darkness of the club and the false shadows being casted across every surface, but Sunggyu would almost guarantee that all of Howon's burn wounds have disappeared. He recalls them being light second degree, and it's surprising how quickly they healed. Maybe they are still there, hiding in the darkness.

It's after briefly examining Howon that he notices Woohyun. Sunggyu couldn't forget him, no, but he just focused on him. Now that he is, it's hard to imagine directing his attention elsewhere because Woohyun is just so captivating. Sunggyu begins to wonder if the dancer ever looks anything less than perfect.

His thoughts crash when Woohyun says, "Well, Sunggyu is my property for the next hour." His hands cover Sunggyu's eyes, obstructing his vision and blocking his sight. Because one of his senses have between taken away, the bite to his neck is completely unprecedented, dull teeth pinching and pulling his skin for only a moment. 

It's a blatant display of affection (or domination, he isn't sure which) and Sunggyu doesn't know if it makes the situation hotter or not. Maybe it does, because Sunggyu's heart is rapid against his ribcage. His mind races, wondering what Howon thinks about this- that is mild co-worker is at a strip club and doing things like this with people like Woohyun. Sunggyu himself didn't see it coming, so surely it's a bigger surprise for Howon.

"Wanna go?" Woohyun says in his ear, cool hands still cupped around Sunggyu's eyes. It takes him a few seconds to understand what Woohyun means, but he finally understand when Woohyun's hips lightly press against his lower back. 

Sunggyu nods because he can't speak, not right now, not with Howon watching. 

They make it to Sunggyu's apartment in five minutes.

...☆...

"I can do anything you want, Sunggyu." Woohyun says, and his voice is different than when he's at the club. Maybe it's a little huskier, a little throatier with lust. "I've got toys and restraints, all kinds of stuff we could play with. Dresses, handcuffs, vibrators, leashes- c'mon, pick your poison."

"I don't know about..." Sunggyu has to swallow because his throat feels tight and dry at the suggestions alone and finishes, "about those."

Woohyun doesn't deflate like Sunggyu expected, and instead says, "Hey, hey, no worries. We can still be still be spicy without the freaky stuff."

Sunggyu wants to laugh but it turns into a choked out moan because Woohyun takes Sunggyu into his mouth, swallowing him down with ease as his tongue does wonders. Woohyun lifts his head up, making Sunggyu hold back a whine of protest. 

"You know," Woohyun begins with a swipe of his tongue across his lips, "you're already really responsive, but if one of your senses is gone, it heightens your reaction." 

Sunggyu is too far gone to really understand what Woohyun is getting at, but thankfully he doesn't have to voice anything because Woohyun continues. "I want to blindfold you."

Sunggyu almost stops breathing- he can feel his eyes going wide and he probably looks so confused, but it doesn't matter because Woohyun shows mercy. "Only if you're comfortable with it, of course, but it would really fun."

Sunggyu doesn't know why Woohyun suddenly feels the need to bring kinks into their situation, but he's willing to try a few things if it's not weird or dangerous. He gets the feeling that Woohyun probably likes the dangerous stuff, maybe even some of the weirder things too. Maybe Sunggyu will even try some of those one day, but for now he starts small, exhaling the fear from his lungs and says, "Okay, let's do it." 

They use one of Sunggyu's old ties from his high school graduation, nervous anticipation bubbling in his stomach as Woohyun giddily wraps it around Sunggyu's eyes. He makes a knot in the back, assuring Sunggyu that he can take it off any time he feels uncomfortable.

He's thankful that Woohyun is so understanding, so kind about all of this. It's probably incredibly obvious that Sunggyu is new to all of this, and any empathy shown is a little more relieved he feels. 

Woohyun bites him a lot, the soft and supple flesh of Sunggyu's body caught between Woohyun's teeth- not sharp enough to puncture, but enough to leave marks that have Sunggyu arching his back. Even the anticipation is arousing, not knowing when and where the next touch or bite or pinch will be directed to, but knowing confidently it _will_ come. It sets him on edge in the best way possible, anxious for any touch and flinching in surprise each time it happens. 

Woohyun was right; the blindfold makes Sunggyu completely unaware of anything around him, heightening the sensation of each brush of fingers against his burning skin. Sunggyu wonders what he looks like, laying bare against the sheets of his bed, Woohyun probably hovering above him and planning his next action. He hopes that Woohyun is enjoying himself too, because Sunggyu truly is. 

"You can't come until I say you can." Woohyun says, and this time is voice is even deeper when they started. Sunggyu can only imagine the dilated pupils and the needy expression Woohyun has right now. He wants to see it so bad, but he's quickly developed a love for the blindfold too, and it stops him from untying the knot. 

Woohyun does everything he can to set Sunggyu on the edge of orgasm, pulling back or slowing his pace when Sunggyu starts to twitch or writhe in anticipation. Holding it back is difficult, but being obedient gives him a gratifying sense of pride that he cannot go against.

Woohyun pulls his hair, maybe in some kind of warning at sensing that Sunggyu is getting close, and the tug against Sunggyu's scalp is a delicious mix between gentle and rough. It's one of the last things he feels, besides a quick pinch to his nipple, before Woohyun says, "Come for me." 

Sunggyu's hips buck off the bed at the words alone, and he feels himself dripping against his abdomen. Maybe it's a little embarrassing how he came without more than ten strokes to his dick, but there were so many other things being done to him that it made up for it. 

He comes down from his high as Woohyun unties their makeshift blindfold, and when Sunggyu sees it tossed on the ground, he realizes he will never be able to wear a tie again without getting turned on.

Woohyun already came, apparently before Sunggyu but he didn't notice because he couldn't see it. After cleaning each other up, Sunggyu's skin still hyper-sensitive and jumping at every touch, Woohyun lays down beside him. He doesn't show any sign of leaving and it sends relief to flood Sunggyu's veins. He doesn't want to be alone right now, not after putting so much trust into Woohyun. He feels vulnerable. 

They stretch lazily on the bed as Woohyun mindlessly explains sensory-play and safe words, how much fun these kinds of things are and all the things they can experiment. It makes Sunggyu happy to know that he isn't the only one hoping for a next time, but it makes him wonder how he even got himself in this situation in the first place. It doesn't matter, right? Because Wooohyun is here next to him, supple and warm and laughing about something that Sunggyu wasn't paying attention to. It just feels so surreal. 

Woohyun makes an offhand comment about how he's hardly in control and how much he enjoyed tonight. It probably wasn't mean to be anything deep, not leading anywhere else, but Sunggyu wonders if there's a deeper meaning behind Woohyun's words that he isn't revealing. 

"Tell me a secret about yourself." Sunggyu says once the silence has given him too much permission to think. He needs a distraction.

Woohyun holds the silence for a moment before the says, "In the third grade, I stole our class pet."

"What?" Sunggyu says, because that's not what he was really expecting. 

"Yeah." Woohyun laughed his cute laugh, boyish and open. "It was a hamster- her name was JoJo- and we all took care of her. I think it was supposed to train us to be responsible or something, but one kid who sat next to her kept poking her. I hated seeing JoJo get bullied, even though she was a pet, so I put her in my backpack and kept her on my bedroom drawer."

"That's... so incredibly endearing." Sunggyu says, and it's so unexpected that it makes him smile.

"It was kind of stupid." Woohyun dismisses. "She died and everyone found out. They thought I killed her." 

"That's sad." Sunggyu says, and it's a lame comment but it's also the truth. 

"Yeah." Woohyun laughs the memory away. "What about you? What's your secret?" 

"I stole airplane pieces from my job." He blurts out, and that's not what he was intending on saying at all. Sunggyu had in mind a funny story about Dongwoo back in college but for some reason, that stupid secret slipped out. If he were still working there, he probably would have gotten fired for that. 

"Ha, looks like we both stole some stupid stuff, huh?" Woohyun says, and he scoots a little closer to Sunggyu atop the bed covers, the bare skin of their arm and shoulder pressed flush against each other. 

"I guess so."

"Wait, is that why I saw that shitty plane in your desk drawer when you got the lube last time?" Woohyun says, and his eyes trail over to the nightstand a few feet away.

"Yeah, I had almost finished it, but..." Sunggyu doesn't finish, he _can't_. He doesn't want to think about work right now (if anything he's thankful in some weird way that he lost his job, otherwise he would have never met Woohyun- but at the same time, he hates what happened). Sunggyu finishes his sentence by saying, "things got in the way and I never got the last piece I needed."

"That's sad." Woohyun breathes out, the same words Sunggyu had said a few moments ago. "I hate leaving something unfinished. I always feel the need to complete it."

"It's okay, though." Sunggyu assures him. "The plane is kind of like me, in a way. Both incomplete." 

The two of them let that sink of, a realization of what they both said, the meanings being deeper than just a missing plane part. The unspoken words float around them in the air and they fall asleep together, keeping each other warm.

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is kinda loNg but anyways there was real dialogue for once and also its un-beta'd as always so please tell me if tuere are any awkward sentences, character inconsistencies or grammer/spelling errors. ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ
> 
> And aGAIN I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR ENJOYING THIS AMD SUPPORTING THIS FIC. 
> 
> ONE OF MY INCREDIBLE READERS (Kissa13) MADE A SUPER AWESOME AS FUCK AND TOTALLY REALISTIC EDIT OF WOOHYUN WEARING A COLLAR/CHOKER AMD I FUCKING SCREAMED WHEN I Saw it so heres the link for it http://m.imgur.com/qz7nhr0 (ANITA I FUCKING LOVE YOU)


	10. New Addict & Old Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kkkkkk so i feel like this chapter is maybe kind of just filler but its IMPORTANT filler. like, youll look back on this chapter later and be like oh oh oh thats right i remember that. and so yeah enjoy

...☆...

Some people have addictions. Sometimes it's the thing itself, be it drugs, sex or power, that in itself is the addicting part. The other component of an addiction is the after affects or the reaction to said thing, and that's where Sunggyu has fallen down. 

Woohyun is kind of like a drug, in a way, because whenever Sunggyu is near him, he feels like he's doing something new and exciting- in a similar way some feel when they smoke for the first time. Sunggyu likes the after effect too, the attention being given to him and the kind words directed at him; he craves Woohyun when they separate and Sunggyu struggles to keep his mind elsewhere when they do.

It's also dangerous, again comparable to a drug, and an overdose would be imminent if he allowed himself to get closer. It's a scary thought, but Sunggyu allows himself to think about it, to fantasize about overdosing in Woohyun and everything about him overflowing his senses until he can't breathe. 

He's in too deep and it's terrifying. Woohyun is just a stripper, nothing more. But no, that's not right either, because Woohyun is _so_ much more than that. There's undoubtedly thousands of miniscule details that Sunggyu doesn't know about him, completely oblivious to them and wouldn't even know how to begin to ask anything. But they are there nonetheless, waiting to be discovered and Sunggyu is ready to uncover them all. 

Maybe they are hidden for a reason. Maybe Woohyun wants to keep his secrets exactly that- secret. Sunggyu would have to respect that, but at the same time sometimes people need to be nudged out of their comfort zones. Where is the demarcation? There's a never ending battle of conflict raging inside of Sunggyu and it tears him apart everyday. 

Time is running out and Sunggyu knows it. Woohyun is beautifully unaware of it and he remains happy and flirtatious whenever he can, but there's a lingering feeling in the back of Sunggyu's mind that screams _he won't be here for long_. The voice, no matter how cruel and malicious it may be, is completely correct. Sunggyu's visions have always been true to the last detail, never a single thing miscalculated. Woohyun's death will not be any different, and it is imminent. 

Sunggyu should leave now. He should run away and never look back so he can avoid getting hurt and torn to bits, but the pull to Woohyun is so strong- a relentless magnet that keeps attracting him without giving up. How can he fight against something so strong? He doesn't even remember how they progressed this fast, and yet here they are. 

What is he feeling? How did it turn out this way? What's even going on? Just shy of one month ago, Sunggyu was working at the factory, telling Dongwoo to shut up and slipping plane parts in his pocket. He blames the vision- Woohyun drowning and fumbling against the water, alongside Sunggyu. The vision, the one that haunted Sunggyu until he saw Woohyun in person and everything slipped so neatly into place.

In some rare cases, his visions have taken up to a year to fulfill. Maybe Woohyun will be the lucky one, taking a year or even more before he has to die. Maybe Sunggyu can prolong the amount of time they have left, for Woohyun's sake. He should stop worrying. No, he'll never stop worrying. He's going to drown in conflict and there nothing he can do to prevent anything.

Sunggyu should be walking on eggshells, fear taking over knowing that they could honestly die at any minute (and it did at first), but now he isn't. Instead, Sunggyu revels in the fact that him and Woohyun have become something akin to friends, their mismatched and polar-opposite personalities tangling up together nicely. It reminds Sunggyu of how black would not look nearly as dark without the contrast of white against it. White in itself is clean and beautiful, but the darkness of black exaggerates the purity of the lighter color even further. 

He thinks maybe Woohyun's spontaneity and cheerfulness does something good to himself, brings out Sunggyu's kinder side that he forgot he had. On the other hand, Sunggyu's rationality keeps Woohyun grounded, and everything just fits so well.

...☆...

Sunggyu visits the club again, sometimes to watch Howon's admittedly fantastic dancing skills, but mostly to find Woohyun and satisfy the burning desire to _touch touch touch._

It's on a Wednesday night when Woohyun introduces handcuffs, and it's also the same night that they talk about safe words; simple 'red' and 'yellow' for stop and slow. Even the sex alone has built a feeling of trust between them, and it feels warm and nice. 

Sunggyu wakes up alone, but he distinctly remembers falling asleep next to Woohyun. He feels disappointed, but it's to be expected- Woohyun undoubtedly has a life outside the club and he can't be blamed if he doesn't want to spend his Thursday off with some guy who visits too much.

A knock on the door slices his thoughts apart and when Sunggyu opens the door, all his worry evaporates into relief at the sight of Woohyun at his door.

"I don't think you know this about me, but..." Woohyun's eyes travel until he meets Sunggyu. "I fucking love donuts." 

He offers a white rectangular box to Sunggyu who takes it, opening to reveal a white array of donuts. "Why-"

"I don't have work today. Let's eat." Woohyun says, and its as simple as that. 

That moment was the proverbial ice breaker, the moment that released any lingering or awkward I-just-met-you tension. The two of them sat talking in bed and Woohyun spilled crumbs all over the white bedsheets, but Sunggyu couldn't bring himself to care. The donuts are strawberry, pink and artificially colored but Sunggyu thinks they match the color of his cheeks when Woohyun's smiles are directed towards him. 

After they eat, fingers a little sticky with jelly, Sunggyu makes a passing comment about how Woohyun is welcome anytime here. It set off something like a trigger, because after that Woohyun was at Sunggyu's apartment at least once a week with words of, "I was just in the neighborhood, and..." 

Sometimes he visits just to fuck, just to tangle his fingers in Sunggyu's hair or to slide down to his knees and make his lips raw with a messy blowjob. Other times, he brings a white box with him, full of different flavored donuts with at least two strawberry ones. They make a mess on the table or the floor or the bed, wherever they eat it, because Woohyun is like a child who plays with his food. Sunggyu doesn't complain because it's one more thing he knows about Woohyun, and it's one more reason to smile.

...☆...

"When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?" Sunggyu asks, because it's a question that he has always found the answer to be interesting; whether or not they achieved the goal or how much their current job has differed from their childhood dreams. 

Today is one of the days when Woohyun had come over just to release some sexual tension, and so they ended up both boneless and lazy on Sunggyu's bed. "I think," Woohyun begins, "that I might have dreamed of being a mechanical engineer, but I don't really remember my childhood that well. Maybe I wanted to be a singer, too. I can't remember with certainty."

Woohyun, an engineer? It brings a nice image to the forefront of Sunggyu's brain, a smart young man with multiple degrees on his wall. Maybe that's the kind of job Woohyun deserves, to be looked at with respect from others rather than have aged men stare at him like meat. He wonders endlessly how Woohyun ended up with his current job, if it was intentional or on a whim of desperation. It remains a mystery because Sunggyu would never have the courage to ask. 

Sunggyu asks other questions though- simple inquires that have mindless or easy answers, leading the conversation to contribute to the light atmosphere around them. As Woohyun talks (something he can do for hours), Sunggyu admires him like a piece of fine art, flawless with the rose of his cheeks and the lips that smile often. There's always something to look at, something that catches his attention and holds him captive without tiring. 

That's how Sunggyu notices a small scar on Woohyun's neck, near the hairline and hardly noticeable. It's probably nothing, but Sunggyu has noticed it before, hasn't he? When the silence permeates the apartment for a moment too long, Sunggyu takes the chance to ask, "How did you get that scar?" 

He's probably not allowed to touch it, so Sunggyu respects that and keeps his hands to himself. But Woohyun seems to know exactly the scar of question without Sunggyu having to clarify. 

"It's nothing important." Woohyun says with small smile, and he looks like he means it, too- but his voice sounds different, a sharp betrayal, and Sunggyu is about to ask him to elaborate when he's suddenly very aware of Woohyun closing the distance to kiss him. It's short, chaste, unexpected; it's a nice way of asking Sunggyu to not bring it up again. 

Sunggyu got the message. The scar must be something more than 'nothing important' and he obviously didn't want to talk about it. Sunggyu should erase his curiosity and not ask about it again, right? He should drop it, leave it alone and not mention it again, but instead of reveling in Woohyun's lips, he can't help but dissect the words in his mind and wonder what Woohyun really means. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~*waits impatiently for anita's theories about my fic*~~
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> what do yall think is gonna happen?¿?¿


	11. The Whole Truth & a Half Sleuth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is three days overdue but big fat thanks to kissa13 who gave me writing energy by sending me shitty photoshoots of infinite

...☆...

It became natural so quickly- far quicker than Sunggyu ever expected it to; him and Woohyun, being around each other and possibly something akin to friends. It was hard to pinpoint the precise moment that changed everything, but a good guess was the donuts. 

It was kind of their thing, now. Woohyun brought donuts over every Thursday (Sunggyu has gained some pounds from this, and only after begging did Woohyun agree to buy a smaller package), but Woohyun looks irresistible with his boyish uninhibited smile that crinkles his eyes and Sunggyu can't say no. Even Woohyun's laughter sounds like the embodiment of music, and it's become Sunggyu's favorite song. 

They have sex a little less, but that space is replaced with long talks. Woohyun is surprisingly philosophical in a way, and he excels in carrying a conversation into interesting territories so Sunggyu can enjoy every minute of it. 

They've only kissed twice so far. Sunggyu thinks the first time was out of impulse on Woohyun's part and he doesn't really want to think about that one- but the other one was nice. They were eating donuts and the kiss was strawberry flavored.

That's how it all began, really. With such a seemingly natural progression, it started as an accidental meeting in front of a club and has progressed thus far to... to _friendship_. Maybe more like friends with some added sexual fun (yesterday at the cinema, the sat in the back row so Woohyn could blow him. He tried to keep quiet but they ended up receiving multiple annoyed looks due to their failed attempts. Woohyun also sexted Sunggyu once- a dirty picture late at night with a detailed text, and that was incredible too.).

Everything was smooth and calm. Sunggyu had enough money saved that he could pay his apartment bills without a job (though he really should look into a place that would hire him by next month at least). There was a consistant routine of which Woohyun had become a prominent part, a solid fixture at the root. Sunggyu thinks maybe, just _maybe_ , he would consider himself happy like this. 

And of course, that does not last long. It's because Sunggyu is _Sunggyu_ and luck has never been on his side. Tragedy seems to cling to him, somehow always returning to him despite his desperate attempts to flee from it.

Things fall apart when they kiss (for their third time, now on the couch of his apartment). Sunggyu's worries today had slipped away under the heat of Woohyun's mouth, warm and promising on his. Everything was perfect.

That is, until there's a sudden sharpness in the base of Sunggyu's head that roughly shocks him out of the moment. It's a familiar cramp in his brain, causing a throb of pain to tumble around in his skull and Sunggyu knows immediately what it is.

"Fuck, not now." Sunggyu says, pulling back quickly from Woohyun as if he's been burned. "Of all times, I-" 

Sunggyu can't finish his words, pain shooting deeper and deeper which causes him to lose the ability to create coherent sentences. 

Woohyun's eyes become worried, brows knitted together in confusion. Sunggyu wonders how someones eyes can hold so much expression, so much vivid honesty all at once.

Woohyun looks like he's wondering a million questions, eyes so intently focused on Sunggyu. It's almost suffocating to have all that concentrated emotion directed to him all at a single moment of time. It's too much right now and Sunggyu can't look anywhere exceot the backs of his eyelids, letting his eyes slip shut. He can still taste Woohyun on his lips but the pain is distracting him from properly reminiscing.

"Sunggyu, are you okay?" Worried. "What's happening?" Desperate. "Look at me, Sunggyu." Unsure. " _Sunggyu_." 

He hears his name being repeated over and over along with some jumbled curse words that he doesn't pay attention to. Sunggyu cannot respond; stuck in place and immovable. The oncoming vision is too much to focus on anything else. 

"Paper." Sunggyu manages to say, but his voice sounds wrecked as if he's been yelling for hours without stopping. "Pen. Pencil. Marker. Something."

"Why?" Woohyun says, and his bewilderment is written all across his features. So expressive, so beautiful. It's a distraction only for a short moment before Sunggyu's brain is punctured with the image of a death, demanding to be acknowledged.

"Just bring it to me right now." Sunggyu says, aware that it sounds rude and demanding but he can't bring himself to care. He's on the floor, fingers quickly rubbing desperate little circles into his temples in a futile attempt to relieve any pain. It isn't working. 

Woohyun obeys and gets up (Sunggyu vaguely hears frantic shuffling, drawers being opened, papers wrinkling and pens clanking) and returns a moment later with a newspaper and Sharpie. It's probably the worst material Sunggyu could have been given but his brain aches too much to complain. 

Woohyun returns to his crouched position on the floor beside Sunggyu, and at noticing him pick up the Sharpie, Woohyun states, "Is this an allergic reaction? Is it an anxiety attack or something? I don't think right now is a good time to doodle." Woohyun says, but any answer is covered by silence. "Please, Sunggyu. Talk to me. You just suddenly dropped to the ground and freaked out. I'm worried." 

Woohyun lets his emotions on display so bravely. It's a stark contrast from Sunggyu, who doesn't like to let everyone know what's going on inside his bastardized brain. Just like right now, as the image of a woman getting shot repeatedly across her chest and face is searing his mind. 

He draws the face messily and quickly, the scatching sound of a pen against paper seemingly resonating loud and irritating in his ears. It isn't anyone immediately familar to him until Woohyun says, confusion evident in his voice alone, "Is that... the newscaster? Why are you drawing the newscaster? What's going on? Sunggyu? Why-"

"Too many questions." Sunggyu cuts through, and his voice is louder and deeper than they both intended or expected. "Stop."

Woohyun backs off, surprisingly not offended. Instead, he waits and fidgets beside Sunggyu who frantically drawing the scene being projected in his brain, translating the image to paper as accurately as he can. It's a chaotic mess, both the sketch and the vision, but it all comes together within a few minutes of uneasy silence.

"Park Hansoo- I think that's her name- she's the weather lady." Woohyun fills in, but his voice is full of angry confusion at the lack of response. He examines the messy sketch of the woman on the newspaper. "Bullet wounds in her chest, somewhere in an alley or something...? Why the fuck woukd you draw this?"

Sunggyu realizes it belatedly. He just had an episode right in front of Woohyun; he saw all of it, from the start of the headache to the shaky hands holding too tightly onto the newspaper with the vision on it. It's so out of context for Woohyun, so so unfamiliar and unbelievable. Sunngyu doesn't know how to explain himself. He trapped himself into telling Woohyun something he should have never known or been made aware of. 

"Why would I draw this?" Sunngyu repeats Woohyun's questions as if he doesn't know the answer. "You're right, why in the _world_ would I draw this? So silly, I'm sorry." Sunggyu says, and crumples th newspaper, tosses it in the trashbin and stands up to physically dismiss himself from this situation. It's his best attempt to play dumb.

His tries to regulate himself are futile because Woohyun does not look like he's going to be inclined to believe Sunggyu any time soon. His voice is strong when he says, "Tell me what's going on. That was fucking weird and random as hell. I'd assume it was a joke if you weren't sweating and shaking so hard."

Right now Woohyun is exposing a side of himself Sunggyu has yet to see until now. It's raw and on-edge, frustration evident in the crease of his brows and Sunggyu would be fascinated with this new side if the ache in his brain wasn't so distracting, albeit gradually subsiding. 

"I can't tell you." Sunggyu says, immediately flooded with anxiety that alone is making him shake. He wishes with such an intense ferocity that he could rewind his life by five minuted and save himself from getting into this mess. Woohyun is going to leave, and then he'll die, and everything will go wrong.

"What do you mean you can't tell me?" Woohyun says. Anger. Confusion. It's all on display. "I think I deserve an explanation." 

Sunggyu doesn't argue, doesn't even try because Woohyun is right. There's a rush of nervous energy going through his veins like an adrenaline shot and he feels like he's crawling out of his skin, stopping him from saying anything. There's so much pressure to tell the truth, Woohyun's eyes looking heavily at him. A lie would be easier, playing it off as a joke, but maybe even that wouldn't work. He has to tell the truth, even if he doesn't want to. There isn't a lie good enough that Woohyun would believe (even the truth itself is hardly believable). 

"I can... see things." Sunggyu whispers. It wasn't intended to come out so softly, but he doesn't think he can speak the ugly truth any louder than this. He's afraid the whole world will hear him. 

"I see things, too. And what I see right now is you trying to avoid the truth." Woohyun says, and his point is painfully true.

Sunggyu takes a deep breath in and exhales, trying to clear his mind of the anxiety and focus himself, directing the remnants of the slowly disappearing pain elsewhere. "Sometimes, I get these visions." 

"Visions?" Woohyun prompts and by now his face has softened, probably trying to seem a little more conversationally approachable.

It's hard to make any more words come out but Sunggyu tries. He really does, but everything comes out choppy and messy because he never thought he'd have to explain this to anyone. "The visions show me people's deaths before they happen."

And there it is. The truth is out there, unadulterated and not hidden behind any masks. It's the truth and it's open for Woohyun to take it or leave it. 

Woohyun looks a little pale, a little skeptical, and a little worried. "So... what you're saying is that _you_ \- just right now- had a vision of our local newscaster getting shot in an alley? And that it's going to happen? Is that what your implying? Am I correctly understanding you?" He sounds desperate, like he's hoping the answer is _no, of course not_.

Sunggyu cannot lie, not like this, looking straight at Woohyun. So he says, "Yes." 

Woohyun is silent for a moment, rightfully so, and he looks the most serious Sunggyu has ever seen. It startles him when Woohyun touches Sunggyu's arm lightly and says, "Have you gone to see a doctor about this? Is there any medication that you need-"

"I'm not... I don't..." Sunggyu says, but everything he thinks of saying slips out of his mind before he can say it. "I'm not like that." Sunggyu nearly gets frustrated that Woohyun doesn't believe him, that Woohyun chalks it all up to a mental illness. But really, even to himself the visions don't sound probable. Only something fit for television and fantasy novels.

Woohyun sighs, a heavy breath trapped inside his lungs being let out into the thick air around them. "Okay, Sunggyu. Clearly you need some time to yourself so you can think-"

"No, no, I don't need time to myself." Sunggyu interrupts insistingly, earnest nonetheless. He even feels desperate now, like Woohyun must be shown the truth. "I've been thinking about this by myself for twenty years and I'm fucking done. I don't know why I'm like this, but I am. And the only way I don't end up killing myself from the overwhelming sadness of it all is drawing out the vision as soon as I get it."

Woohyun is very still, breathing shallow and quiet. Sunggyu wonders if he's even listening but it doesn't matter because now he has a mouthful of words and couldn't stop if he tried, even if they fall upon deaf ears. If one piece of truth is out there, then the rest has to accompany it as well. "It's like inside my brain the vision is clawing its way out. It's born in my mind and it's first destination is the paper. Then it enters the world to be fulfilled."

Woohyun still looks skeptical, and no doubt Sunggyu would too if he were on the other end. He tries to be understanding and not lose his temper but Woohyun is backing up towards the door. When Sunggyu walks closer, Woohyun equals the distance by stepping back. It's almost insulting.

"I've never been wrong before." Sunggyu says, and his voice is unexpectedly steady when he says it. If this doesn't help Woohyun believe him, he doesn't know what will. "Every single vision I've had has come true, exactly the same down to every last detail."

"Prove it." Woohyun says. He can't even hold solid eye contact anymore, looking steadily at a spot on the carpet.

"The woman I saw right now- Park Hansoo- she's going to die soon. I don't know when or why; I only know how." Sunggyu explains. "The longest period of time between receiving a vision and it being fulfilled was about a span of a year. Shortest has been within the hour. So at some point in the future, she's going to die exactly the way I saw it. That will be your proof."

"I guess that means I'll have to keep my eyes open for an upcoming local murder." Woohyun says, but it sounds influenced by some kind of dry humor that Sunggyu doesn't understand. Woohyun looks him in the eye after a moment, deep and wondering. "Have you ever tried to prevent it?"

"You mean like stopping someone from dying?" Sunggyu asks,and he feels uncomfortable at the thought. "I haven't tried. 

"Why?"

"Because if they die, it's meant to be that way." He explains, but it sounds lame to his own ears, even if its the truth he believes. "I'm not supposed to stop it or intervene in any way. I'm just someone who knows a little more than I should."

Woohyun seems to ignore his words, doesn't even acknowledge it. Instead he fills the space with, "Sunggyu, do you believe in God?"

"I don't know." Sunggyu says, and it's the truth. 

Woohyun doesn't give an answer in return, doesn't elaborate or give his opinion. He just looks at Sunggyu deeply until it seems he's going to crumble. At that point, Woohyun walks out of the apartment door without any last words, leaving a large empty feeling in the room where he once stood.

Sunggyu retrieves the crumpled newspaper sketch from the trashbin and smooths out the wrinkles. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was some foreshadowing here but i dont think any of you will catch it bcos it was so minor /sighs
> 
> anywys i should just rename this fic That's So Raven 
> 
> (fact: the chapter titles are not important to the story at all (!) ~~anita im looking at you~~ and im running out of good rhymes- i think that is evident by 'half sleuth' bcos what the fucK)


	12. Slow Pace & First Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is.... rly overdue. i'm sorry. i made this chapter long to make up for it bUT ITS BAD LOL RIP
> 
> (I WOULD LIKE TO THANK KISSA13 FOR BEING MY IMPATIENT CHEERLEADER)

...☆... 

It has been exactly three days. 

"Sunggyu," Woohyun says, voice just a little unclear from his cellphone speaker, "turn on the news."

"I don't have cable." Sunggyu replies, which is true, but it makes Woohyun sigh heavily in response (he's been so irritable since Sunggyu told him about the vision).

"Use your phone. Look up the local news." Woohyun says. His voice is a little different than usual, slightly tensed and noticeably tired. It's in that very moment that Sunggyu knows exactly what's going on- his heart speeds up in anticipation of it.

The vision is being fulfilled, finally. It's going to serve as undeniable proof to Woohyun that Sunggyu isn't making this up and it will be up to Woohyun to accept the truth or not.

Sunggyu opens the news application on his phone, scrolling past day old news briefly before finding the headline of today. _Seoul's Beloved Newscaster Park Hansoo Mugged in Alley._

His heart slows down to a rugged stop.

Seoul's Beloved Newscaster Park Hansoo Mugged in Alley...?

Sunggyu rereads the headline three time to make sure his brain didn't miscalculate the words in his haste. 

Seoul's Beloved Newscaster Park Hansoo Mugged in Alley. 

That's not what the headline is supposed to say. She's supposed to be shot, not mugged. Maybe Sunggyu had seen his vision wrong? But no, that couldn't be possible- the bullet wounds were far too obvious. Had she been mugged, then shot after? 

He can't keep guessing, staring wide eyed like a child in panic with sweaty hands clutching the phone too tight. Sunggyu forces himself to keep reading more than just a single sentence leading to more questions. He needs answers. 

There's a wave of panic as he begins to read the article entirely. His eyes skim over the paragraphs, looking for keywords like 'bullet wound' or 'found dead'. Instead he sees 'stolen purse', 'attacker unidentified', and 'alive with no fatal damage'. 

This means Sunggyu is wrong. Sunggyu is _wrong._ Park Hansoo wasn't shot in an alley like his vision foretold, instead having her belongings stolen and making it out alive. 

He frantically jumps out of his seat on the couch, scrambling desperately to his desk where the image he drew of her was sitting. There she is, drawn on precisely on old newspaper with obvious bullet wounds in her upper chest. 

Sunggyu grips the paper, shaky hands holding it too tight, making even more wrinkes at the already damaged edges. He compares the headline with vision, the drawing on the paper. 

It's just a single detail off. 

Instead of being shot, Hansoo was mugged. Because of that one wrong detail, she survived. She isn't dead. Park Hansoo is alive after his vision predicted her death. 

This means so many things. Firstly, if Sunggyu is wrong in this case, is he possibly wrong with Woohyun as well? In future visions, will he also be wrong? No longer can he trust his own visions with confidence. Could both of their deaths be prevented? Does this mean Sunggyu can save Woohyun? 

He jumps out of his skin when his phone beeps in his pocket, an indication of a message that Sunggyu does not want to check. He knows who it's from. 

Nam Woohyun:  
you said 'you have never wrong before' but Hansoo-ssi is alive, so what does this mean? 

Sunggyu can hear Woohyun's words in his head, a hint of chastisement at the edges of his voice. 

Kim Sunggyu:  
i have never been wrong before.

Woohyun must assume he's making it all up, or...

Nam Woohyun:  
i'm only saying this because i care. i think you should consult a professional about this. 

Kim Sunggyu:  
doesnt it mean anything that all the details were right except one? i could have predicted a million other people to die, yet i got her right. 

Nam Woohyun:  
but she didn't die.

Kim Sunggyu:  
but it was the same person! both events happened in an alley! the only thing that differed was the actual even that took place. there are more things right than wrong.

Nam Woohyun:  
you said she would be dead, but she isnt. she will probably be back at the news station next month telling us all to wear coats when we go outside. you were wrong. 

The words hit his chest deeply, the truth sinking in and finalizing with Woohyun's words.

Kim Sunggyu  
i can't explain that. 

Nam Woohyun:  
i didn't think so. i'm going to send to you the number of a good psychiatrist i know. she's recomended by sungjong. 

Sungjong...? The name is familiar- right, he was one of the strippers at the club, the one that rung in his head for a face he couldn't place where he had seen before. Sungjong had a psychiatrist? What for?

The number is on his screen within a moment, but Sunggyu ignores it. 

Kim Sunggyu:  
so you think it was all a really big coincidence? that i guessed the same person and same location? 

It takes several minutes for a reply to come.

Nam Woohyun:  
yes. 

Surely he is lying. It's too uncanny to be chalked up as a coincidence, a strike of luck, right? But then he thinks about Woohyun, how he had said he cares. That must mean something, as well. If Sunggyu pretends it was all fake, all along, Woohyun would go back to his normal self and it would be established that he _cares_ about Sunggyu. That's nice.

Kim Sunggyu:  
thank you for the number. i will look into it.

He isn't lying. Sunggyu is thankful for the number indeed, and he will look into it- but he will not consider calling it. He doesn't have enough money to visit a psychiatrist, but even if he did he wouldn't. Sunggyu just wants to keep Woohyun happy, so he'll say whatever needs to be said to maintain that. 

Nam Woohyun:  
i'm glad. thank you. 

...☆...

After Sunggyu gets over the initial betrayal at having Woohyun not believe him, they start to hang out again. The donuts are still the main excuse, Woohyun even going far enough to say _I was planning on eating them all but I think I ordered too many..._ These times though, his eyes are filled with a slight worry. Sunggyu tries to ignore it- he did this to himself.

Sunggyu is slightly suprised that Woohyun has yet to run away in fear thus far. Even having witnessed Sunggyu in the midst a vision, he is still here. It must mean something- it's been a month since they've met (at least) and Woohyun isn't showing any sign of leaving, even after that incident. 

There's even a feint trace of trust in their friendship, and Sunggyu can't let that dissolve. He won't. That's why it scares him when he has another vision about Woohyun. 

This time it was different, sharing a similar feeling as a dream except just as vivid as reality. It was grayscale and pop-color at once, it was chaotic miasma of noise yet eerily absent of sound at the same time. 

It was a vision that had his head spinning, making him race up from the bed to vomit in the toilet with the intensity in the back of his skull. It was a vision that stole his breath, gasping inhales and shuttering exhales, desperate for air. It was a vision of Woohyun that reduced him to a trembling mess. 

Woohyun is behind the wheel of his car completely crushed under the force of his steering wheel. The impact of the car crashing into the front of his was too much. It must have been at full speed, because Woohyun's collar bone is protruding unnaturally from his skin, flesh torn open to reveal blood. The entire front of his car is smashed in, damaged beyond repair. 

It feels so real. The vision almost feels like a memory- so much so that in order to calm himself, he has to check his phone to remember Woohyun texted him twenty minutes ago. It's okay, Sunggyu shouldn't worry. It wasn't real.

Except if it was a vision (which it was), then it will become real very soon. At any moment it could happen, and suddenly the twenty minutes he last talked to Woohyun seem like years. 

Sunggyu begins to think about Park Hansoo- if his vision was wrong then, could it be wrong now? And _why_ has he had two visions of Woohyun so far? What does that mean? 

Don't think about the questions. Sunggyu tells himself to ignore what he doesn't know. Instead he takes a sheet of white paper and draws the image of Woohyun behind the wheel, bleeding and broken and dead.

It shakes him up so much, wondering if Woohyun is okay. Sunggyu can't even ask him, because why _wouldn't_ Woohyun be okay? It would be weird to ask, right? He has to keep his visions on the downlow still. If the vision with Hansoo hadn't been exact, then this vision may not even have the same outcome as well- but he will not allow himself to take that chance. 

Kim Sunggyu:  
come here. 

He erases it before he sends it, because having Woohyun come over that means he has to drive. Driving means using a car, and using a car is dangerous. He rephrases the text.

Kim Sunggyu:  
can i hang out with you today? 

Nam Woohyun:  
hey! that'd be cool. i'm at donnie-hyung's diner, but i was just about to leave. want to meet somewhere? 

Kim Sunggyu.  
NO

Sunggyu erases that text too, because he's trying to stay calm and nomal and not weird. 

Kim Sunggyu  
no, that's alright. i don't mind picking you up from the diner. i will be there in ten minutes. 

...☆...

Sunggyu finds himself at Donnie and Connie's diner. It's Donnie's pride and joy, having spent many years perfecting it. It's well loved and through the glass window, Woohyun looks very cute sitting in the booth with his long sleeved sweater eating french fries. It's so endearing that it makes him forget about the vision, if only for a moment.

When Woohyun sees Sunggyu, his cute eyes light up. He mouths, "Hi, hyung." 

Woohyun doesn't call him that often, but Sunggyu likes it when he does. He watches Woohyun leave money on the table and walk outside to meet him, scarf wrapped around him loosely and hands tucked into his jacket pockets.

"I can take us somewhere?" Woohyun says once he comes outside. "I was thinking movies, maybe-"

"No, no." Sunggyu interrupts, realizing it too soon and tries to clean up his mess. "I mean, it's really nice out. We can walk. I want to walk."

"Are you sure?" Woohyun asks. His voice raises cutely, like a little boy wondering something. "It's kind of cold." He tightens his scarf in emphasis.

"Yeah, it'll be fine." Sunggyu says. Maybe it won't be, since it's actually very cold and he didn't bring a jacket, but he can't let Woohyun drive. "We could use the exercise."

"Hey, speak for yourself. I look great." Woohyun smiles, and he really does. Even under the thick coat, Sunggyu knows he is great- more than great, he has learned the beautiful dips and curves of every surface. "And my car is right here, see?" Woohyun points to the car right next to them, convenient.

Sunggyu has a momentary flash of panic at this, a sudden thought that Woohyun is going to get in the car and drive off to his death. It scares Sunggyu enough that he would do anything to stop it- even if it means suddenly pressing Woohyun back into his car door as a distraction to keep him from getting in. Sunggyu is thankful that the parking lot is empty, because he leans into Woohyun's ear and says, "Ever been fucked in a car before?"

Woohyun is very still underneath him, hands to his side and breath shallow against his neck. "No."

"Do you want to be?" Sunggyu says lowly, inching closer until his body is pressed up against Woohyun's chest. 

"Fuck, yes." Woohyun says. 

Those words turn them into a sudden scrambling mess, rushing to unlock the car and take off their clothes in the backseat. 

Sunggyu feels greedy this time, taking as much of Woohyun as he is allowed. Every touch feels heightened knowing they are in public, having to be semi-discreet. Woohyun looks wrecked begging for release, and for some reason Sunggyu feels like this is the last time. For what, he doesn't know. It just feels so final. 

Sunggyu enjoys it though, and if fucking Woohyun means keeping him from possibly getting in a car crash, he's more than willing to help. And if Donnie notices the car moving back and forth in the parking lot, he doesn't say a thing.

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer i dont know how car accidents, sex, visions, life, death, anatomy or relationships work. I DONT KNOW HOW ANYTHING WORKS. im actually a five year old. yall been fooled.
> 
> also just to clarify: gyu takes the subway everywhere, and woohyun has a car.


	13. One Delay & None Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha hA. um, ,,, okay here u go

...☆...

The visions keep coming. 

No longer had it been one or two odd visions of Woohyun- it became many more. The vision following the car incident had been rather vivid as well, again in a haunting conglomeration of dream-like softness and sharp reality. 

This newest vision is similar to the last, but maintaining a major difference. It still leaves Sunggyu a shaking mess when he draws the image, Woohyun laying in the street as cars pass, dead and bloodied. 

It haunts Sunggyu, twists his heart a little more each time he sees it. Every line he draws makes him wince knowing he's creating the image of Woohyun dying painfully. It hurts too much to see it, but he can't get rid of the headache any other way. It's a selfish trade-off, lessening his pain by adding more, just of a different kind. Seeing Woohyun dead (now multiple times) hurts just as much as the headaches. 

It drives Sunggyu to paranoia. He is already weary of cars (the last vision was enough to scare him, but this third one made it worse). When they walk across the street to the diner, Sunggyu's throat constricts at seeing the cars driving by, too quickly and fast enough to kill. 

He can't stop himself from holding Woohyun's hand when they cross the street, allowing Sunggyu to convince himself that Woohyun is safe beside him. It's not entirely true, considering that his original vision showed them dying side by side. Maybe it's a sign that Sunggyu really can't save anybody. Maybe he shouldn't even try. 

Despite this, he will try for Woohyun. Sunggyu doesn't know how he would live with himself if he allowed Woohyun to die, especially knowing that he might have been able to prevent it. 

Sunggyu clutches Woohyun's hand tighter as he thinks about the sting of loss and how much he doesn't want to feel it. He would rather be numb and hollow than to feel Woohyun slip away from his grasp. 

Woohyun thinks it's cute when Sunggyu squeezes his hand down the street, an innocent and discreet display of affection. But when Sunggyu doesn't let go, fear taking hold of him and convincing him thay Woohyun will die if he's out of sight, Woohyun starts putting pieces together. 

"Wait, is this part of your 'visions'?" Woohyun asks, holding up their still connected hands. Suddenly Sunggyu's palms are burning up at the contact. 

Sunggyu's silence and avoidance of eye contact is answer enough.

"Fuck, I thought you were just being affectionate or something- which is stupid of me anyways, because you're just trying to prove a point." Woohyun says, and his frustration is evident. He's been frustrated a lot lately, mostly manifesting after the first vision he witnessed. People around them give them side eyed glances at their volume. 

Sunggyu's voice is small and doubtful when he says, "I just want to keep you safe." It should have been said strongly, confidently, proudly, but instead it sounded nothing like those things. "I just... I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you that I knew I could have stopped."

Woohyun begins to look guilty, which wasn't Sunggyu's intention in the least. 

"I'm sorry." Sunggyu says, and Woohyun gives in. 

They walk into the diner, hands still clasped together. 

...☆...

The next and fourth vision come completely as a surprise. The warm shower water of the shower is washing away the day's stress when a pounding fist collides with his skull. At least, that's what it feels like. 

This is when Sunggyu notices the pain associated with the visions getting worse. When he was a child, it wasn't anything some ginseng tea couldn't soothe. Now, soju and Vicodin can't even contribute to subsiding the pain in the least bit. 

Sunggyu runs out of the shower and kneels in front of the toilet, stomach lurching uncomfortably in every direction. Prickling at the center of his brain is the image of Woohyun being attacked by a ravenous dog, circling around his dead body and foaming at the mouth as its sharp canines are proudly on display. It hurts to see, but he has to draw it. 

Sunggyu's hands are wet from the shower, water rolling off his hair in droplets to splash against the paper as he draws the vision unwillingly. The paper becomes damaged and wilted from the water soaking into it, ink lines becoming smudged and smeared. The pain begins to disperse, but not nearly as fast as it used to, still lingering for a day after. 

When they are on the street, the two of them together, every barking dog he never noticed suddenly becomes the focal point. Each yip from the Chihuahuas and every howl from the Labradors set him on edge, a chill down Sunggyu's spine and forcing a terrible image to the forefront of his mind. Woohyun is beside him, beautifully oblivious and yes, ignorance is bliss. 

When Woohyun wants to pet a seemingly harmless dog on the street, it scares Sunggyu enough to grab his hand away. It looks bad, forceful and controlling to anyone looking, but Sunggyu tells himself he's protection Woohyun. Even if it doesn't seem like it, he is.

...☆...

Again, there is another vision. For some reason, it come as a surprise each time to Sunggyu, even though he knows he will recieve another one. And for what reason, he doesn't know. 

This vision wakes him up from his sleep (though these days, he doesn't truly sleep anymore). Like Park Hansoo, there are deep bullet wounds across Woohyun's body, chest, face, and torso. Sunggyu cries when he draws this, almost tempted to shred the paper to bits and forget about it all, but he doesn't. Instead, he shoves it angrily in the drawer to collect dust alongside the other messily drawn sketches. 

The next time Woohyun visits his apartment, they eat donuts and fuck and laugh a lot, but Sunggyu doesn't let him leave. Woohyun is startled at the intensity of which Sunggyu asserts his dominance. "I'm not letting you leave, Woohyun. I don't want you to get hurt."

"You're getting weird again." Woohyun says, making reference to the visions. There's a gleam of fear in his eyes at the hidden strength Sunggyu has. "I don't like it. Let me go."

Sunggyu doesn't realize he's grabbed on tightly to Woohyun's wrists, holding him in place. A flood of guilt washes over him and he releases Woohyun, feeling bad at having done such a thing. But if Woohyun leaves, Sunggyu fears Woohyun will die. He can stop a dog or a car, but he cannot stop a bullet. Not unless...

"I'm leaving." Woohyun says with finality. It means more than just leaving the apartment, Sunggyu figures. 

He doesn't see Woohyun for a while after that. 

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is better than the last one imo. and its gonna get a lil more wild so watch out and fasten ur seatbelts pls


	14. Confusion & Disillusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my little lovelies. I have a goal that I want to reach by the time this fic is completed. if it is reached, i will reward yall with a side-story/spin-off to this fic! If/when it happens, i will give you several options (likely two side-stories and an alternate ending, and of course all relating to this fic) for the plot, and the readers can chose what they want to see most :) ultimately I would like to write all 3 of those ideas by the time I finish this universe, so I may consider setting 3 goals. 
> 
> Keep in mind there is no rush to achieve the goals and they will probably be reached even without me asking because my readers are amazing like that ♡ regardless of when the goal is reached, the side-story will be published AFTER this fic is completed. 
> 
> the (first and main) goal is:  
> 200 comments  
> 100 kudos  
> 15 bookmarks  
> 2,000 hits
> 
> Some of these aren't too hard and are already pretty close :))))
> 
> enjoy this chapter~ I'm kinda scared of writing the next one tbh lol

...☆...

Sunggyu spends the rest of his week worrying. Endless anxiety tugs at every inch of his body, saying _get off your lazy ass and go look for him _, but Sunggyu isn't being lazy and Woohyun clearly doesn't want to be found.__

__One of the (many) voices in his head tells him that Woohyun is undoubtedly dead- why else would he leave and refuse to return? But the more logical side of his brain convinces him that Woohyun is taking time to himself, allowing the previous weeks' incidents to sink in._ _

__Sunggyu is used to all of this; the visions and the headaches associated with it, including the moody behavior patten that trails menacingly after. He's so used to it that he forgets others (namely Woohyun) are completely unaware how to handle it, not able to understand how someone could live such a life. If Sunggyu thinks about it, it doesn't come as a shock that Woohyun needs time to think and adjust, because he can't be expected to accept everything so readily._ _

__Sunggyu would be okay with Woohyun taking time away from him if it weren't for the persisting and ever-lingering feeling that pulls him into thinking Woohyun is either dead or going to be, by means of a dog attack, car accident, or gun. Sunggyu hasn't even heard a peep from Woohyun so his worries are elevated even more so._ _

__He checks his phone more often them he would admit to, eyes scanning the news app in search of anything regarding Woohyun. It scares Sunggyu each time he looks at the news, wondering if the next article was about a beautiful young man found dead in the streets._ _

__It never comes, and that surprises Sunggyu more than the visions themselves. It takes nearly two weeks for any sound from Woohyun to be heard, and it finally comes in the form of a text._ _

__Lee Howon:  
I think he misses you or something. _ _

__Howon didn't even have to specify who 'he' was. It's so obvious, and that means Woohyun is alive- that alone is enough for Sunggyu to breathe properly for a little while. It's honestly a relief to see the message, and even if it isn't from Woohyun himself, it's something close enough._ _

__Howon sees Woohyun at the club all the time- in that case, how could he tell that Woohyun misses him? Did he say something? Does he act differently? Sunggyu doesn't reply, knowing that Howon will understand he appreciated the sentiment without an answer._ _

__...☆..._ _

__In all his lack of motivation, Sunggyu stirs up enough energy to get a job, landing one at Donnie's diner. Things have been calming down amidst the mess of life he's been dealing with lately as the thought of Woohyun gently slips away into the back of his mind._ _

__The new job gives him something to focus on, something productive to direct his energy and effort towards. It's rewarding too, seeing the customers enjoy their meal and give him money (the latter is his most favorite part)._ _

__When the day of work comes to an end and the 'closed' sign makes its home in the window of the diner, Sunggyu sits on the subway and tried to avoid thinking of Woohyun. He fails, and quite miserably too._ _

__There is a boy in the seat to his left, fidgeting endlessly at his jacket sleeves without visible reason. Perhaps it's some kind of nervous twitch or habit- whatever it is, it frustrated Sunggyu terribly. He's briefly shot with deja-vu of when he sat next to a kid who did the same thing, but upon a quick look at his face, Sunggyu realizes it's the same kid as last time._ _

__It isn't a kid either- it's Sungjong from the club. Sunggyu suddenly has one hundred thoughts racing his mind, all of them along the lines of Woohyun safety and none having to do worth Sungjong himself. Because of that, he doesn't inquire anything._ _

__Sunggyu notices from a few glances that Sungjong's eyes are wild, back and forth in their path of sight and almost as if on a search for something. Sunggyu gets slightly uncomfortable and tries to direct his mind elsewhere._ _

__He ends up thinking about Woohyun instead._ _

__...☆..._ _

__Things begin to shift ever so slightly._ _

__Sunggyu notices himself becoming enraged at the smallest of things. Take the incident of Howon and Dongwoo back at the hospital about two months ago. Sunggyu hasn't payed much mind to that, deciding if Dongwoo wants to ruin his marriage he certainly can._ _

__Well, Howon unexpectedly pays a visit to the diner. At first it seems coincidental and Sunggyu plays it as just what it seems to be. That thought changes when Dongwoo settles beside Howon in the booth, laughing about something Sunggyu doesn't know about._ _

__It sets him on edge, seeing them together, seeing them happy. It can't be just bitter jealousy, right? Because Sunggyu himself isn't happy and laughing with Woohyun, is his mind taking it out on those who are?_ _

__His mind is so messy and fucked that he wouldn't even be surprised._ _

__...☆..._ _

__Sunggyu's head spins and heart stops when Woohyun visits the diner._ _

__It's been about four weeks since Sunggyu has seen him and memories flood back viciously to the surface of his mind at just the thought, so vivid and clear. His smile, his body, his death. It all comes tumbling into Sunggyu right when he thought he had everything under control._ _

__Woohyun looks positively beautiful standing here at the bar of the diner, elbows rested against the smudged counter top with a hopeful smile curling his lips upward._ _

__"How did you know I was here?" Sunggyu asks. He suddenly feels uncomfortable in his work uniform, black and itchy against his skin._ _

__"Howon told me you worked here now." Woohyun replies, and despite the customers chatting in the background, the only sound Sunggyu hears is the resonance of Woohyun's voice. "I'm glad you've found a job."_ _

__Sunggyu smiles sadly in return because he's reminded that things have changed. He longs for the time when he could easily touch Woohyun's hair out of his eyes or hold his hand, but that seems to be far in the past. Sunggyu can't believe how quickly that time had passed him by, slipping away so subtly and leaving him wondering desperately if they can reach that point once more._ _

__"Me too." Sunggyu pulls himself out of his reverie, and there isn't really anything else to say in that moment. The atmosphere around them feels tense, and they both known it's because they haven't addressed the real issue at hand._ _

__"So," Sunggyu tries to think of something to say, remembering just a month ago when words came easy around Woohyun, "what brings you here?"_ _

__"Oh." Woohyun looks surprised, oddly enough. "Right, I almost forgot." He fishes something out from his jacket pocket and hands the item out, presumably for Sunggyu to take._ _

__"I found this." Woohyun supplies, gesturing his hand towards Sunggyu once again to convince him to take it. He looks so hopeful and endearing that it is impossible to refuse._ _

__It's a small parcel that has been wrapped in a grey cloth resembling cotton, and it's soft under Sunggyu's fingers when he takes it. There is a black ribbon tying the ends of the fabric together at the top in a bundle, and Woohyun watches intently as Sunggyu pulls the string to undo it all and release the contents._ _

__Resting inside the cloth is a miniature model airplane piece, the left wing, and it's exactly the part Sunggyu needs to complete his plane. The mere sight of it causes his stomach to jolt, and Sunggyu is briefly reminded of the time he said he was just like that incompleted plane._ _

__Woohyun begins to speak Sunggyu's mind. "Your plane has been incompleted for a while now and I saw this and I thought..." He stops for just a moment, as if to consider his words. His brown eyes wander thoughtlessly around the diner walls before they fix on Sunggyu. "I wanted to help you complete it. So here it is, the missing piece."_ _

__The piece in his hands means so much more than completing a plane. It posses so much more depth than he could even comprehend right now, feeling dizzy and intoxicated at the thought of Woohyun, knowing that he doesn't hate Sunggyu and is safe and was thinking about him and is completing him-_ _

__Woohyun is the missing piece to Sunggyu's life. That's exactly what it feels like. That's the feeling Sunggyu has been trying to place for a while, and know he knows. Granted, it took Woohyun's month long absence to realize it, but he knows now nonetheless._ _

There are so many things Sunggyu wants to say to this, namely _I'm so sorry_ , but the only one he can voice is, "I missed you." Those words alone say everything he's too afraid to vocalize. _Thank you for everything._

__"I missed you, too." Woohyun says, words so genuine that it pierces straight through Sunggyu's chest. Woohyun's eyes seem to shine wonderfully despite the harsh lighting they are under, and Sunggyu is desperate to kiss him._ _

But he is stopped. There's something suddenly swirling in the pit of his stomach and scratching at his brain, screaming at him violently. It feels dangerous and scary and _suffocating_. It takes effort to ignore it. 

__"I want to see the plane when it's done, okay?" Woohyun asks as his classic smile creeps up. That alone calms the weird feeling in Sunggyu's stomach._ _

__Woohyun is like a drug, indeed. Sunggyu is aching for more, drowning in the thought of Woohyun. He is willing to sink too, if it means having Woohyun by his side._ _

__...☆..._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [copying the goal from the intro]
> 
> the (first and main) goal is:  
> 200 comments  
> 100 kudos  
> 15 bookmarks  
> 2,000 hits
> 
> I love you all so much tHANK YOu ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡


	15. Real Fear & End Near

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goOoo00d you guys are so amazing - i got five bookmarks in two hours hAHAH and lots of lovely comments with an ton of kudos i literally love you all
> 
> i want to make cupcakes for all my readers tbh

...☆...

Sunggyu should have never ignored the bad feeling he had. 

Ignoring the feeling worked for a little while, but continuously pressing it back had seemed to make it worse; leaving temporarily only to return with anger. 

First, the headaches come. 

They come tenfold more intensely than what comes along with his visions; so much so that he spends a few mornings sitting by the toilet and calling in sick for work. At least Donnie doesn't fire him (yet) for the days he has missed thus far as a new employee. It figures; the moment he has a decent job, there's an easy excuse to miss work and make his boss frustrated.

The headaches aren't like the ones he receives with the visions. These feel different, like they originate somewhere elsewhere entirely. It must be a residual ache from the visions, especially considering the fact he has had more than one vision so rapidly. He's still not sure the reasoning behind that, having multiple visions for Woohyun, but the curiosity isn't as overwhelming as it was before. 

Sunggyu uses these headaches as an excuse to get drunk, something he's tried to avoid for a while now. He attempts to dissolve all the pain with alcohol, glass after glass, carrying an ache to his chest that he always gets when he drinks. It's a good ache, probably, even if it makes him want to cry uncontrollably. 

As it turns out, the alcohol makes it worse. As the night progresses, Sunggyu can no longer sit still as the bitter liquid seeps deeper into his body. Each sip of soju makes his stomach twist painfully, every drink a knife to the gut. He should stop if he knows what's good for him, but Sunggyu is immature and has a hard time doing the right thing. 

The night turns into morning before he can even realize it. He's been drinking for hours now, wallowing in some weird but not entirely unusual self-pity fest, and he thinks back to a few days ago when Woohyun visited him at the diner and he couldn't stop smiling. 

Why does his brain go through such emotional changes like this? Why can't he just be consistantly happy like Dongwoo, or perpetually pissed off like Howon? Why does his mind hate him enough to forcibly subject him to a rollercoaster of emotions?

Sunggyu would rather be numb, and that's why he keeps drinking. Really, this is why he's been avoiding alcohol for a while- he knows it's too hard to stop once he's started. Somewhere in the part of his brain that keeps locked up is the thought of Woohyun, and it swirls endlessly in his body amidst the alcohol. Maybe drinking isn't the answer, maybe Woohyun is. Maybe those nights spent together were more than just that. Maybe Sunggyu is drunk off of his fucking rocker and making it all up.

Another shot of something (he doesn't know what) slides down his throat effortlessly as he waits for the effects to take place. The liquid settles warmly in his stomach, nice at first but only to transform into something ugly later. The alcohol flavored happiness makes him giggle for a moment; a result of a chemicals producing endorphins momentarily, only to fade away and make him replace the emptiness it leaves with more alcohol. It's a dangerous cause and effect game, too addicting to stop. 

The build up of frustration from the constant pain bubbles up at some point, and he wanders around his house in search of something to do or break. A swig of Soju every once in a while keeps him balanced (not really) and his feet don't seem to match up with his brain anymore.

There's an odd sensation of disillusionment, an aching dysphoria that makes him feel out of place in the world. This must be what dimension-hopping feels like. It makes his spine tingle uncomfortably, though maybe that's just the alcohol in his bloodstream. 

Sunggyu doesn't know it happens or why, but one minute he's at home, the next he's in the middle of the street. It must be three in the morning on a Wednesday and Sunggyu is far away from his apartment. The wind is cool on his skin, grazing the surface and blowing his hair, and it seems like just a moment ago he was in the kitchen of his apartment. He was, wasn't he? Or was that the effect of an intoxicated dream? He must have wandered out without realizing it, but why does it seem to impossible to recall? 

Sunggyu tries to find his way home- no problem. Actually, small problem; he isn't wearing a shirt (though the bath robe he thankfully has seems to mostly cover him). He's wearing shoes at least, and his brain is fogged over in an alcohol induced haze enough to devalue the importance of modesty. No one is around either, which is good. Something else that is good, undoubtedly so, is alcohol. He takes a drink of that. Very good.

A few sips more and some wandering around makes Sunggyu realize something. He is scared. He doesn't know where he is or how he got here, feeling foreign in his own body. It feels like someone else is controlling him, like he doesn't belong in his skin. The sensation of being unable to remember anything from a moment ago is frightening beyond belief, overwhelming to the core.

The only comforting thing now is that he still has a bottle of Soju in his hand, and that alone makes him slightly calm (though, isnt htat what shook him up in the first place? He can't remember). Sunggyu wanders around for a little while, traveling from place to place without any memory of the last location he was in. The sun rises further, people begin to walk by him in their work clothes. He feels drunk and lonely and lost in a large empty space.

For the first time since his childhood, Sunggyu prays. He prays fervently to a God he isn't sure is even listening, out loud and unashamed as those passing by watch him with caution in their eyes.

...☆...

Sunggyu begins to lose weight. A few pounds would not have been a cause for concern, but shedding the weight enough to make his face become long and stomach slightly caving in _is_.

Replacing his meals with alcohol and throwing up every time he has a headache (which is frequently) contributes heavily. Sunggyu doesn't care enough to make himself a proper meal, and instant ramyun seems to be the solution to everything.

Woohyun hadn't seen Sunggyu in a week or so, one day stopping at the apartment to say hello for a few minutes and ending up spending the night becaysw of what he saw. Woohyun was scared too, so obvious on his face. He kept asking silly questions like _what's wrong?_ and the only answer he would receive was, "Everything."

Sunggyu doesn't know what happened, what caused this horrible downfall. Him and Woohyun were becoming good friends at one point, weren't they? The vision slipped, Woohyun grew skeptical and left, returning a month later with kisses of acceptance. Now Sunggyu is lost, trapped and suffocating in a massive black hole that sucks out all his oxygen.

"I want you to see a doctor." Woohyun says on a day where things have become particularly painful. Sunggyu is under a mountain of blankets on the couch, cold-sweating and itching to get up and run away from his problems, but Woohyun is here to stop him and make sure he rests well.

"I'm not crazy." Sunggyu says.

"I didn't say you were." Woohyun soothes him, a gentle touch of his cool hand to the over heated skin of Sunggyu's forehead. "I meant your fever seems to be really bad" 

"I don't need a doctor." Sunggyu insists. "And it's not even a fever; I can tell."

"Then what is it?" 

Sunggyu lets the questions sink in for a moment, tossing it around in his sleep deprived brain. "God is punishing me."

"That's ridiculous- you haven't done anything wrong." Woohyun says, completely unaware that the statement Sunggyu made was bold- he isn't a man of faith, holding little value to the idea of God, and yet that was his reply.

"I let hundreds of people die." Sunggyu says like an admittance, and he's shocked as soon as he says it. That wasn't the answer he had in his head. He's grown out of that guilt after all these years, calloused at the edges. Is his subconscious still affected by it?

"You couldn't have saved them."

"Does that mean I can't save you?" Sunggyu asks, voice seeming to reverberate in the lonely room.

The unbearable silence engulfing them holds the answer.

...☆...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,, so here is some sadness 4 u :))))) prepare 4 more sadness o k ,


	16. Settled Dust & Lost Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG CHAPTER AHEAD 
> 
> MY APOLOGIES 
> 
> bring a tissue

:::☆:::

The first thing Sunggyu notices is the white ceiling. 

This isn't home- his apartment ceiling is blue with an ugly light fixture in the center of the room. What Sunggyu is waking up to right now is definitely _not_ somewhere familiar to him, white painted walls and the scent of chemicals trailing in the air.

"Mr. Kim! You're awake, finally." Someone says from somewhere in the white room. He feels disoriented, like there's something foreign running through his body and can't quite place who he is. 

"Where am I? Who are you? What happened? What's going on?" Sunggyu asks, a mouthful of inquiries spilling out at once and all desperate to be answered.

"Slow down, there." The voice says, though Sunggyu is still unable to identify where it's coming from or of whom it belongs to. "Let's take this one question at a time, shall we?"

"Okay." Sunggyu says, and he can hardly hear his own voice. His body seems to be caught in a paralysis, unable to move in any way. Like a restraint, his limbs feel too heavy to lift, eyes too tired to coherently examine his surroundings. Sunggyu doesn't feel like he's all there, mentally slipping back and forth out of unconsciousness- otherwise he would be frantically worried about the unfamiliarity of everything around him. 

"I'm Doctor Kim Jonghyun, and you are my most recently admitted patient." The voice says, and the words sink deeply into Sunggyu's mind. It makes him slightly more alert, blinking against the fluorescent lights of the room and increasingly becoming more aware. The doctor's voice sounds friendly- a trap to get Sunggyu to trust him, probably. 

The doctor continues after allowing Sunggyu a moment to adjust. "To be quite frank, the level of alcohol in your bloodstream is astonishing." 

"What a surprise." Sunggyu says, because even when he's sick his sarcasm must be evident in some manner. 

The doctor chuckles at this, a lovely sound that makes Sunggyu angry at how nice it is. "You're friend dropped you off here yesterday at around three thirty in the morning. Luckily for you, the emergency room is openough at all hours." There is the sound of a rolling chair sliding across the floor, a drawer being opened, papers being handled. "Your friend mentioned you being a threat to yourself and others. Do you have any recollection of this, Mr. Kim?"

"No." Sunggyu says, words true. If he thought he had any strength to move previously, he certainly has none now. It has all been lost and buried under the doctor's words. "Can you please elaborate?"

"Of course, Mr. Kim." The doctor says, again with his kind voice. It grates at Sunggyu's nerves endlessly. "Your friend had initially said-"

"Did he have a sharp nose?" Sunggyu asks, abruptly. 

"Excuse me?"

Sunggyu repeats himself. _Doctors are brainless chimps,_ he thinks. "Did this 'friend' have a sharp nose?" He's sure to inflect his voice properly, too.

"Oh! Well, I think he might have, let me think..." The doctor says, and Sunggyu begins to see the fuzzy shape of his face, the white outline of his coat. "Yes, I believe so." 

"Then his name is Woohyun. He's more than just a friend." Sunggyu admits. The words ring loudly in his ears, though every other sound around him is dull. At this point his vision seems to be returning more so, the sight of a classic hospital IV coming into view beside him.

"Ah, I see." The doctor says, and the blurry colors of his hair and skin are beginning to become more crisp. "In that case, have you had your yearly examination for AIDS?"

"Yes, but that's not what I- fuck, that's not the point. What did Woohyun have to say? What did I do?"

"Right; your friend _Woohyun_ ," the doctor is sure to emphasize the name, "claimed you had a kitchen knife in your hand during the early morning and refused to release the weapon."

"Oh." Sunggyu says, and his voice comes out hesitant amd strained. His vision is almost clear now and he can move his hands, but the doctor's words weigh heavy on his body still. Sunggyu with a knife? He has no recollection of this, terrifyingly enough.

"Ah, so if you cannot recall these events, that furthers the evidence for my hypothesis." The doctor concludes, and Sunggyu can now see the man smile professionally. 

He doesn't know anything that's going on and he hates being so unaware, lost in the dark. "What?"

"Hyung, your awake!" A voice says, and it's _Woohyun._ His eyes are overflowing with worry and relief, a bundle of both, and Sunggyu wants to hug him. He can't though, not like this. Not when his body is glued to the hospital bed and he can't see clearly. 

"I am awake." Sunggyu says against an odd tightness in his throat, constricting around the words he tries to say. 

"Well, thank God- I was getting really worried." Woohyun sighs with a smile and takes a drink of the coffee in his hand. He looks cute, standing in the doorway with the same old scarf wrapped around his neck around fingers poking out from that long sleeved sweater, but Sunggyu feels an ugly sensation of betrayal in his stomach. 

"Why did you bring me here?" Sunggyu says, that sensation becoming more heated as the words flow out. "I don't need a doctor."

"Everyone needs a little help once in a while, Mr. Kim." The doctor says, and his voice is soft and soothing and it makes Sunggyu want to slap him. He feels like everyone is suddenly turning against him, both Woohyun and this doctor. 

"You don't even remember what happened." Woohyun adds, like an afterthought. The words feel sincere and sad as his voice falls down at the ends. "I haven't known you long enough to know if this was a recurring incident, or..."

"And how long have you known Mr. Kim?" The doctor directs his question to Woohyun.

"Three months or so." Woohyun replies. Sunggyu feels like it had been three years. 

"Ah, I see." The doctor says, and Woohyun comes to sit at the foot of the hospital bed near Sunggyu as the doctor pulls out a notepad and pen. "Mr. Nam, could you please recount the events of that night again?" 

"Okay." Woohyun says, and he sets his coffee cup down on a table nearby, hands coming to rest on Sunggyu's ankle. Nervousness appears on his face as he speaks, "Sunggyu, it was about three in the morning and I noticed you left the bed. So I went downstairs and you... were sitting on the table with a knife. The medium sized ones that you can cut a melon with. Those ones." 

Woohyun's hands become antsy and restless on Sunggyu's leg as he continues. "You weren't threatening or anything, but you just wouldn't let go of it." 

"And you had mentioned something about Mr. Kim's eyes, correct?" The doctor says, flipping through several pages of his notepad. 

"Right." Woohyun says, but Sunggyu doesn't want to hear any more. He doesn't want to keep feeling like everyone around his is blaming him, accusing him. He can't even remember anything, and yet he feels like the bad guy. "You're eyes were open but they were moving back and forth really rapidly, like you were watching something move. But I looked around and there wasn't anything."

"Why did you take me here, then?" He says, but his voice is weak. 

"Sunggyu, you were putting both of us in a dangerous situation. I did the responsible thing." Woohyun says starkly. "You passed out and I drove you here."

"If I was unconscious, there was no way I could have hurt anyone." Sunggyu fights back, ignoring the doctor's brief attempt to add into their conversation. Sunggyu is to busy becoming heated and upset.

"I know, but- I've just..." Woohyun's words trail off limply. "I've been in a similar situation where things had gotten out of hand, and it was obvious you weren't in your right mind so I had to do something. I didn't want you to be liable for something you didn't mean to do."

The words soak in and Sunggyu wonders what the 'similar situation' meant; he wants to punch whoever made Woohyun feel unsafe and then punch himself for reminding Woohyun of a time that he was. "Are you implying that I would have hurt you?"

"I'm just saying," Woohyun says avoiding the real answer as nicely as he can (it's loud and clear anyway), "I didn't want to risk anything."

"So that's a yes." Sunggyu says, a stab to his heart as he says it. "You don't trust me."

"No, don't misunderstand me-"

"I believe," the doctor finally cuts in, "that it is relevant to observe Mr. Kim's behavior that night. Note the racing eyes and unconsciousness immediately thereafter."

"Yes?" Woohyun asks, Sunggyu realizes he is sitting slightly father away from Sunggyu now. 

"Those are common symptoms of hallucinations." The doctor informs. Sunggyu suddenly can't breathe, suffocated in this tiny hospital room and the walls are caving in on him, tightly constricting him and cutting off his air supply-

"Hallucinations?" Sunggyu chokes out with a suddenly sore throat as his mind whirls around those words. 

"Yes, and that would explain several things." The doctor says, becoming a little detached which is likely necessary in this profession. "At first I had assumed it was a case of alcohol-induced hallucinations, but a coupled with some other facts I'very concluded it to be something else.

"What is it? What causes something like that?" Woohyun asks, again with the worry showing so clearly on his face, too beautiful to have to be subjected to that. 

The doctor's face twists, looking empathic before his blunt professionalism resurfaces. 

"Until Mr. Kim undergoes a CT scan, I cannot say with certainty," the doctor says, gentle and firm at once, "but I suspect he may have a benign brain tumor. If this is the case, it's likely causing pressure on his brain which can attribute to various personality and behavioral shifts."

"O-oh." Sunggyu says, but it doesn't sound like his voice. Maybe his hearing is fading out, or maybe his voice is. The news crashes into him heavily and he sinks into the bed a little further, eyes unable to focus on a single thing. 

"Depending on the place where it is positioned, it may result in the tumor causing your brain to mimic some symptoms of schizophrenia." The doctor continues, probably looking at Sunggyu but he's too busy staring unfocused at the inoffensive white ceiling. "In this case, delusions and hallucinations seem to be the symptoms. Brain tumors are very unpredictable and without further testing, I cannot make a definite diagnosis."

Sunggyu wants to scream and cry and evaporate into the air. He wants to hold onto Woohyun's hands tightly, he wants to hear Woohyun say _everything will be okay_ even if he knows it won't be.

Woohyun's voice speaks up, but they aren't the words he wants to hear. They are masked with his soft and soothing way of speaking, but the words cut deeper than any knife. "Your visions are hallucinations, Sunggyu. Even the doctor says so."

No. _No_. That's not right at all. That can't be true at all- save for the last few, his visions have always been fulfilled, correct to every detail. It wasn't until Woohyun that things began to change (he still hasn't discovered what sets Woohyun apart from the others). The visions couldn't have been just a concoction from his brain and its faulty chemical reactions. 

"You're wrong." Sunggyu says, but he isn't sure about anything anymore. Who's the one in the wrong, again? He can't remember.

"Sunggyu, I care about you and in this case I think it's important to listen to a trusted medical physician." Woohyun says, but the words don't register in Sunggyu's brain. 

The only thing Sunggyu can think of is that he is trapped in a room full of people who don't believe him. 

 

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also u guys are so rad im almost at my goal lol yall crazy
> 
> (tell me who u believe ?? the doctor or gyu¿¿)


	17. Intrusion & Seclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda short but the previous chapter was long and the next chapter will be long too so I thought this was acceptable 
> 
> pls forgive mE

:::☆:::

Sunggyu had thought things had gotten worse, but no- things _now_ were really worse. 

He had been released from the hospital and prescribed some medication, the doctor's words of _this is in your best interest, Mr. Kim_ sitting solidly in the back of his brain. The same brain that might have a tumor, and that thought sent a shot of worry into his system, an endless anxiety prodding at his stomach for attention. 

Woohyun has stayed by his side thankfully, and despite him not believing the visions, Sunggyu appreciates the company. Woohyun has an even softer, more gentle smile these days; rounded at the edges and Sunggyu wants to kiss him. 

But he doesn't, because they only shared kisses when Woohyun thought Sunggyu was normal, and that thought has certainly perished by now. Sunggyu wonders if he attempted, would Woohyun kiss him back? If so, out of kindness, or out of desire? He doesn't want to find out. 

Sunggyu continues to get worse with each passing day. He has no memory of many of the things he does now, even forgetting how he ended up on the couch when he was just on the bed a minute ago. It frightens Woohyun, and that is probably why he stays and helps. 

Woohyun says Sunggyu has had another incident, something along the lines of holding a knife and refusing to release. It's strikingly familiar, the way Woohyun has a trace of fear in his eyes and says _Sunggyu- wake up, let go of the knife or I'm taking you back to Doctor Kim_. 

Sunggyu wakes up in the car ride to the hospital, sweaty and shaking because there's a knife in his hand (which he can never remember how he gets them) and Woohyun looks scared.

Knowing that Sunggyu is the one who warranted that reaction in Woohyun makes him angry at himself even further.

:::☆:::

Woohyun says it keeps happening, the tumor manifesting it's horrid effects in a different manner of ways. 

Woohyun's fear is vocalize in multiple ways, firstly with the knife and now with _Sunggyu, you were took my car and you were driving forty miles above the speed limit at five in the morning. You don't remember any of that?_ Sunggyu's anxiety swirls heavy inside his body at the words, because he doesn't recall a single second of it. 

_Sunggyu, you don't remember this either? You threw a glass and stepped on the pieces on purpose._ Woohyun bandages Sunggyu's feet, the skin of the soles punctured with broken glass. Woohyun's hands are gentle and forgiving as he takes care of the the wounds, making tears fall from Sunggyu's eyes because he doesn't deserve to be treated this well. 

It happens again, this time with _Sunggyu, you woke me up and told me I was going to die. _With each confession of truth from Woohyun sends fear into Sunggyu, wondering what he is capable of doing. Even if he isn't in control of his actions, he could do something horrible.__

It sends terror and trepidation to permanently reside in his mind. 

:::☆:::

The throbbing in his brain becomes persistent and Sunggyu takes pain killers daily to relieve it. Vicodin is his favored pill, white and innocence yet deadly as he swallows it down with alcohol. Woohyun says Sunggyu is making the tumor's effects even worse by drinking and refusing the proper medication, but Sunggyu shakes his head. 

Sunggyu has stopped worrying about the visions. Everyone is telling him they are false, induced by a tumor, so it must be true. In reality, he's too tired to fight for what he believes in and he _knows_ the visions are real. They have to be. They have to.

Woohyun spends the night often, but he never looks well rested. He comes back to Sunggyu's apartment from the club, glittered and beautiful but exhaustion clearly consuming him. His posture weakens, his eyes droop, his smile is rare, his worry is constant. What has Sunggyu done to this beautiful man? 

Woohyun looks defeated these days, anxiety triumphing over his usual smile and boyish laugh. It makes Sunggyu sad knowing he has placed that look upon Woohyun, but he's far too selfish to let him go. Sunggyu has had enough, watching this beautiful man deteriorate alongside him, but his hands always end up reaching out to pull him back in. 

Woohyun has had enough, too. 

Sunggyu wakes up one morning and Woohyun is not there. There is no explanation, though Sunggyu doesn't really need one, and his absence doesn't come as a surprise. Woohyun needs to live his life free of being dragged down. That should be clear enough, and yet Sunggyu still wishes to feel Woohyun's gentle hands stroke his back when he gets especially bad, or the softness of his hair when Woohyun places his head against Sunggyu's chest at night.

The empty room and overbearing silence fill his heart with a sudden dread of being without a companion, of having the absence of sound strike his heart and remind him he is really and truly _alone._ They had said their goodbye without words; instead, it was the kindness Woohyun showed to Sunggyu that said _I can't continue like this_.

Sometimes Sunggyu wakes up and cannot move. It's a invisible weight that keeps his entire body stuck and frozen in place, vision blurring (from fearful tears or as an effect of the paralysis, he doesn't know) and hands shaking. There's a constant and heavy exhaustion behind his eyelids that keeps them shut for hours, even after the sun has risen.

Sunggyu sometimes calls out for Woohyun, but the only answer he ever receives is silence. 

That hurts more than any physical wound he could ever endure.

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u guys know this fic is gonna be sad right 
> 
> i live and breathe angst i love2 die


	18. Awaken & Shaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yALL.my goal has almost been reached !!1!1 
> 
> Comments and kudos have been met. now i just need 3 more bookmarks (and a few hundred more hits, but those come pretty easily as this is a chaptered fic)!♡♡ after my goal is reached, I will give my readers 3 or 4 options of a side story/alt ending to chose from for me to write :)
> 
> anyways here's a good ol chapter for u. I love u all so much and Thak you for commenting and enjoying my fic! I know things have gotten kinda confusing but I promise by the end everything will be clear! And if not, I can answer any of your questions completely after the final chapter is published :'''')))

:::☆:::

Sunggyu opens his eyes to a familiar white ceiling. 

The image his eyes detect strikes his mind- in what way is it so familiar? The image runs unbridled in his head and holds captive his attention, begging for its origin to be remembered. But the voice breaking into his reverie is even more familiar, and startlingly so. 

"Mr. Kim, I see you're awake now?" The voice says, and it's doctor Kim Jonghyun, again with his kind tone of detached doctorly comfort. 

"Am I in the hospital?" Sunggyu asks, and his voice hurts like a thousand needles when he says it. It feels like he swallowed sandpaper and ashes, dry mouthed and sore. Coughs erupt from his throat and the doctor ushers a plastic cup of water towards him to soothe the ache; the small ice cubes make clinking noises when the movement causes them to clash against the cup's plastic edge. When Sunggyu reaches for it, tentative, he realizes his body hurts just as much as his throat, what with the way his muscles clench and protest at the movement. 

Of course he's in the hospital. Why else is there an IV next to him and the smell of chemicals so prevalent? Why is the wall paint so muted and dull, the curtains so ugly and bleak? It's a hospital, that's why.

"Did Woohyun bring me here again?" Sunggyu asks before the doctor can answer his pervious question. His voice still hurts, rough at the edges when the words escape. 

"Actually," the doctor says as he scoots closer to the bed in his rolling chair, "no. Most of the ER patients from this side of Seoul are admitted here, and I just so happened to recognize you as you were being brought in. We try and keep the same patients with their same doctors, if at all possible." 

"ER patient...?" Sunggyu asks with confusion evident in his voice and face, leaving the question open ended to be answered.

"Well, you see, you've been in a coma for twenty two days now." The doctor says, setting down a file of papers and looking Sunggyu in the eye seriously. "You were in a nearly fatal car accident." 

Sunggyu grows stiff at the doctor's explanation, heart beginning to race wildly against his ribcage in a demand to be released, to show the universe his fear. He's still a little numb to process everything fully, a combination of sleep, drugs, and sudden consciousness from weeks of continuous slumber. "I..."

"Driving fifty miles over the speed limit is very illegal, you know." The doctor says by means of filling the empty silence of the room. 

"I don't remember that." Sunggyu speaks, but it resembles a whisper more than anything. The honesty behind it is terrifying.

"I know. That's why while you were unconscious, I did a CT scan of your brain to confidently diagnose the cause of your behavior." The doctor replies as he pulls put some files, examining them while he speaks. "Tumor confirmed. It's releasing pressure against your medial temporal lobe, which controls your ability to remember recently occurred events. Put simply, the obstruction is preventing normal memory function."

"Oh." Sunggyu says, a little hoarse because it's all he _can_ say. The terror is busy as a distraction, eating away at his thoughts without release.

"Like I mentioned last time you were here, the growth is benign so you don't have to worry about it being cancerous." The doctor continues, not noticing Sunggyu's fear and confusion (or possibly just not caring. Sunggyu is cynical and likes the sound of the latter). "By the looks of it, it's relatively recent which means the symptoms may have only manifested from as early as eight weeks ago to as late as sixteen weeks ago."

"Oh." Sunggyu breathes out the toxins, a repetition of what he just uttered sentences ago.

"I can understand that this is a lot to take in, as it would be." The doctor catches his attention, eyes full of sincerity that Sunggyu can't tell is genuine or not. "That's why I'm giving you a copy of the test results, prescriptions, and bills for the procedures we've fulfilled during your unconscious state. All of the decisions we make at this hospital are in line with your best interest, Mr. Kim."

Sunggyu has the sudden desire to get up from the bed and run straight out of the window, but he doesn't. He can't, not with the dead weight of his limbs, immovable against the stiff sheets and fatigued muscles that have grown accustomed to the lack of use. 

"I'll give you a moment." The doctor bows politely before exiting, leaving Sunggyu alone and confused. 

The papers are all directly in front of him, stacked in a file and contained in a folder on the hospital table beside him. He can exert just enough energy to retrieve the files, which he does, and sinks back into the bed that reaches out to pull him back in.

The words on the file, black font against the white paper, startle him into complete sobriety. The hospital bills are _outrageous_ , enough for Sunggyu to know without calculation that he cannot pay it off in a timely manner. 

On top of this, he's likely lost his job from a month of solid inactivity, not showing up to work or using all his sick days as soon as he began working at the diner. Of course this is Sunggyu's luck. Luck has never really been on his side, anyway.

His tired eyes skim the rest of the files- bills for medical procedures like the doctor had mentioned, medications, a diagnosis and his final conclusion with evidence. Sunggyu can't stand to read any of that, so he skips to the next chunk of papers. There's more bills, but the one that holds Sunggyu's attention is issued from their city officials. The car accident he was in must have caused some damage to city property. 

Sunggyu doesn't have any desire to examine the bill any further because it only reminds him he's a guy with financial instabilities in addition to an incredible amount of recently received hospital bills (and without a job). The car he crashed wasn't even his own, according to the licence plate. Rather, it was the car he had kept in storage for Dongwoo. 

Sunggyu suddenly feels a severe shock in his body, a realization that he has absolutely no security in this world. He is alone and without help. His family is gone, his friends are gone... He has nothing to fall back to no one to help him up again. 

Who would even notice if he were dead? 

But then the rival thought hits him with a jolt of hope.

_Woohyun._

With his weak body strength, Sunggyu scrambles for his phone. He doesn't know where it is for a while until he finally finds it in the drawer to his left, along with a Bible and the classic hospital television remote.

There's an abundant of missed messages (it makes him feel missed, which is nice), mostly from his boss and Dongwoo, a few from Howon, and one from Woohyun. 

Jang Dongwoo:  
i got a job! let's go celebrate!!!

Jang Dongwoo:  
hyung? i visited your apartment but you didn't answer. isn't today your day off?

Jang Dongwoo:  
um, there's no way you have friends besides me. so where are you? i'm your mother. WHERE ARE YOU

Jang Dongwoo:  
hey, i got a raise already!! celebrate? please? 

Jang Dongwoo:  
ii dran'k t0o m uCh hah hA .*&! (,,

Lee Howon:  
dongwoo is a very wild drunk  
[Image attached]

Lee Howon:  
are you and woohyun still... a thing? 

Unknown Number:  
Are you looking to invest in the stock markets? Join our newsletter today by replying with 'YES'! There's only 3 easy steps before you can potentially make millions!

Jang Dongwoo:  
do you realize we missed kibum's funeral :(

Donnie Hyung:  
You're fired.

Jang Dongwoo:  
i miss you and your hamster face. let's hang out soon. sushi or something. or that new movie with the kim hyuna lookalike.

Jang Dongwoo:  
i'll even buy you some of that unreasonably expensive as fuck chocolate coated popcorn!! what do you say?? :))))))

Nam Woohyun:  
hello?

Despite the rest of the texts, Sunggyu's heart beats faster at only one. The last one, to be exact. He wants- no, _needs_ to see Woohyun. His body craves for it, desperate at just the thought of being in his presence again.

As Sunggyu looks around the room, he almost swears he sees Woohyun's beautiful figure standing silently by the doorway, but when his eyes focus on the fixture, it disappears. 

Odd. 

Sunggyu inhales the air of the hospital room, still feeling suffocated but slowly dissipating into thick anxiety. It's less painful, at least. The awareness of the drugs in his system seemed to have calmed the muscle soreness within these few minutes. 

There's a feeling replacing the pain, too. It's telling him that he's going to see Woohyun soon. He can feel it.

Sunggyu is rarely wrong... Right?

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! so what do yal think? 
> 
> Totally unimportant but I gave dongwoo a lil more personality here so he becomes more loveable and relateable....for reasons that you will find out later.... ;;)) but he's my bias so I couldn't let him go uncharacterized (sp?) 
> 
> Who's your Infinite bias? :D


	19. Failing & Derailing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this whole chapter in under 20 minutes today I need hELp --- - - - --- - - - - - 
> 
> And yeah ik I'm late but I've been so busy obsessing over nct 127 on tumblr and it totally consumed me. O hey,, follow me on tumblr ?? [Shameless self promo] @hurricanejongin for general kpop sHIT or my new @nct127x for nct sHiT

:::☆:::

After another few weeks in the hospital, Sunggyu makes it home.

When he's released, the first thing he does is call Dongwoo and apologize for not making it to the movies that one time. He had a pretty good excuse, being in the hospital and all- but regardless, Dongwoo hugged the breath out of him when they reunited. 

Sunggyu regrets all the bad things he may may have said about Dongwoo in the past, like how he talks too much (even if it's true) or about his relationship with Howon (even if it's immoral by Bible standards- Howon is religious). Dongwoo has so kindly offered to help pay off Sunggyu's incredibly high bills and fees, expecting nothing in return. Dongwoo is just a nice guy like that, and Sunggyu is ashamed he has not realized this sooner. 

His apartment is struck with the aura of loneliness and it doesn't dissipate even when Dongwoo visits. They watch movies and eat healthy foods (no more ramyun for Sunggyu) and Dongwoo tries his best to keep his hyung's mind away from the problems at hand. Sunggyu is thankful for this, but it doesn't work. 

Sunggyu's mind will always drift back to the thought of Woohyun, how he's doing and where he is, if he's even alive still. The lack of knowledge is overwhelming him with fear, coming up with all the possible answers to his questions yet none with confirmation. 

It drives Sunggyu to paranoia. 

Sunggyu begins to see Woohyun everywhere. Beginning with him standing in the hospital doorway, it escalates to seeing Woohyun outside Sunggyu's apartment window, demure and silently curious as he stares in. Sunggyu jumps out of his seat as fast as his pained body will allow, trying his best to run outside and find Woohyun until Dongwoo stops him.

It furthers when he sees Woohyun sitting on his couch, hands folded neatly on his lap and breathing softly without disrupting his surroundings. "Woohyun, when did you get here?" Sunggyu asks as his palms grow sweaty in anticipation. He wants to move but is instead frozen on the spot with a weighted body. 

Woohyun looks like he's about to answer until Sunggyu's phone buzzes in his pocket. The noise distracts him momentarily, looking down to his phone to glare at it angrily. When he tilts his head up again, the space Woohyun had occupied is now empty. 

The contrast is startling; Woohyun once sitting there only to disappear. Is it that he was never truly there in the first place? 

The doctor said, after all, that hallucinations were a common side affect of brain tumors. In that case, what else has Sunggyu seen that wasn't true?

Suddenly the bottle of medication seems very enticing. 

To take one would be to give in, he reconsiders, and opts out of the medication. 

:::☆:::

The paranoia continues to consume him. 

Sunggyu sees Woohyun truly everywhere. When he awakens, Woohyun is beside him in the bed with his eyes closed lightly. At breakfast, Dongwoo comes over and Woohyun is standing coyly behind him with a smile (a smile which has come to haunt Sunggyu).

He begins to hear Woohyun as well. 

At some point, the only distraction from the imaginary voice is combating it with something loud. When the television is on, Sunggyu turns the volume up so high that the neighbor below him complains, but he can't explain to them that it's the only way he can drown out the sound of Woohyun's voice in his head. 

Dongwoo is in the bathroom when Woohyun appears out of thin air, a whisper coming from his lips when he says, "I've missed you, hyung." 

Sunggyu is too shaken to say anything, debating if Woohyun is truly there in this moment or if it's from his damaged brain. Instead of replying, he grabs the remote and turns the volume to maximum. 

"You're not gonna talk to me?" Woohyun looks sad but somehow it seems false. His words are spoken softly and for some reason Sunggyu can hear it clearly over the loud television. "I've missed your voice, too."

"R-really?" Sunggyu trips over his words, allowing the illusion to get the better of him. He can't fall for this- it's impossible. 

"Yes, really. Sunggyu, you should visit me tonight." Woohyun continues on, his voice the silkiest Sunggyu has ever heard (or at least, _imagined_ he heard).

Sunggyu almost falls for it again, but Woohyun's figure disappearing and reappearing elsewhere is the necessary reminder he needs to tell himself this isn't the real Woohyun. "No. I won't."

"Oh, trust me." Woohyun reappears within a meter away from him, eyes heavy lidded with intent. "You'll be there."

"No." Sunggyu says with all the determination he doesn't feel.

Woohyun doesn't looked surprised- instead, he's uncharacteristically blunt. " _Yes_."

"No!" Sunggyu responds this time with genuine defiance. He doesn't like being told what to do, even by someone who isn't really there. 

"Yes." Woohyun says once more, then suddenly disappears. 

"Hyung, where you talking to someone?" Dongwoo emerges from the restroom and has confusion across his face.

Sunggyu sighs and slumps into the couch. "No one." 

"Okay, great. Then let's turn this TV volume all the way down, please."

:::☆:::

It's midnight and Sunggyu can't sleep. 

Dongwoo is next to him in the bed and the steady rhythm of his breathing calms Sunggyu significantly, grateful that his friend worries about him enough to stay the nights with him.

But this night, Sunggyu sneaks out of bed and away from Dongwoo. Willing his footsteps to silence, he makes it to his front door and walks outside with his phone in hand. 

It only takes a moment before the cool air of the night runs across his skin when a voice on the phone says, "Hello?"

"Ah, Woohyun. You're awake." Sunggyu says, hoping that him calling awake this hour wasn't too late. Though from memory he knows Woohyun likes to stay up late.

"Sunggyu? Hi, Sunggyu!" Woohyun's voice is full of excitement, of shock and surprise. He must have not been expecting a call from Sunggyu. 

"Yeah, it's me." Sunggyu breathes deeply into the phone, relieved at hearing the sweet voice on the opposite line. 

"Actually, I think I have to go." Woohyun's voice has been drained from the excitement he just had only a second ago, as if he just remembered something bad. "Bye."

"Wait, wait-" Sunggyu tries, but the line falls dead and the dial tone rings loudly in his ear.

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter succs ,, ive failed everyone I'M AWARE OF THIS but pls forgive me ,, i h8 me and my Writers Block™
> 
> (Also yall are 1 bookmark away from getting the side story options ok ilyall)


	20. Honesty & Modesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that long wait guys :((( I had lost my phone but I have it now~ 
> 
> Congratulations! You guys helped me reach my goal and I love you. Here's the reward: vote for what story you want and I'll write first whichever had the most votes! 
> 
> VOTE HERE (copy and paste the link to the url bar) http://www.poll-maker.com/poll750246xABB31b19-30

:::☆:::

 _It's for Howon,_ Sunggyu tells himself repeatedly in a tired mantra as he drags his feet through the doors. _I'm here for Howon._ The lights of the club flash colors against his skin and his brain says it again in a confirmation. _I'm looking for a Howon and only Howon. No one else._

It's a lie that Sunggyu is drilling into his head in hopes that he will come to believe it if he tries earnestly enough. _Howon is the only one here in the club who I'll speak to._ He tries to bite back the vicious afterthought of _no, you're here for Woohyun_.

Instead of focusing on the real issue, Sunggyu turns his eyes this way and that in some attempt to find his way. It's been some time since he's been to the club and the environment has already begun to feel foreign again, the lights and noises and aura he isn't used to creeping in on his senses. 

On stage are the dancers, long limbed and graceful even in their sensual movements. It's quite the display and it makes Sunggyu stop for only a moment to watch, taking it all in. His eyes are searching for someone in particular, someone he _cannot_ allow himself to see.

Sunggyu then sees Howon off to the side of the stage in all his beauty, talking to an equally beautiful woman near him. Sunggyu rushes over without a care as to the people he is nudging to get through, and Howon's pupils catch on Sunggyu in the darkly lit club.

The conversation he was otherwise engaged in seemed to dissolve in an instant with, "Sunggyu, what's happened?"

Howon's actions become something reminiscent of his mother's, what with the way he scans Sunggyu assessingly and says sternly, "I thought Dongwoo said you weren't to leave your apartment? What are you doing out? Are you okay?"

It's only then that Sunggyu realizes the thickness of his saliva and the trouble he has swallowing, a tight constricting fist around his throat with intent to collapse. Howon is right- why _is_ he here? The answer is evident and his pulse is speeding accordingly, faster than the beat of the music blasting through through the club's sound system. 

Has he been like this and is now only realizing it? His hands and arms are jittery, nervously shaking but not truly nervous about anything. Sunggyu notices he's sweating too - the club is warm, but his body feels like fire. 

He doesn't answer Howon's endless inquiries, not when Sunggyu catches the sight of Woohyun in his peripheral vision. "Bye, Howon. We'll talk later."

"Dongwoo is going to be pissed, you know!" Howon shouts over the music but Sunggyu has already turned away to walk towards Woohyun. 

He shouldn't do this, Sunggyu _knows_ he shouldn't but he doesn't have self control. That's why he's just a few people away from Woohyun and staring at him with an emptiness that he can't manage to change. That man standing by the bar with his lips in a grin, _that's_ why Sunggyu is here.

Woohyun, beautiful Woohyun is is alive and real and not a dream or hallucination, he's dancing and smiling and being happy like he deserves. It's a knife to his heart knowing Woohyun has probably moved on, but Sunggyu can still manage to find happiness in knowing that Woohyun is safe (even if that means he is with someone else).

That thought shatters and crumbles when the man beside Woohyun grabs his wrist harshly, a sharp gesture without gentle intentions behind it. 

There's a wave of something that says _I must protect Woohyun_ , and that alone is enough for Sunggyu to realize that he truly has fallen into something deep with Woohyun. That possessiveness inside him, that bitter jealousy at the sight of someone touching him brings Sunggyu the most inexplicable anger. Coupled with his jitters and anxiety (from who knows what - refusing to take the medication for the tumor? Actual instability and deterioration? Placebo effect from being told he's sick?) only heightens the sensation. 

Sunggyu's eyes never leave Woohyun- even though the he's being grabbed and tossed by some _guy_ , and even though Woohyun in return is pretending to like it but grimacing at the first touches. Sunggyu can see it clearly, the way Woohyun feigns to enjoy being manhandled by this stranger. It sets every cell in Sunggyu's body in flames and there's nothing he can do about it. 

Soon Sunggyu is unable to move with his feet glued to the dirty ground. He can see there's a hand creeping down Woohyun's chest, lower and lower- Woohyun thankfully shoves the hand away from his body but, oddly enough, smiles at the man. It seems like a contradiction but Sunggyu is confused enough. He doesn't let it sink in any more than the surface in fear of going mad with the thought of Woohyun with someone else. 

Sunggyu forgets how it happens but he's sitting in his apartment at the table wondering why he went to the club in the first place. 

Sunggyu won't save Woohyun anymore. He won't even try. If he can't save him from dying, there's no point in trying to rescue him from some man. The outcome is inevitable anyway. 

It's all useless in the end; destiny will arrange everything to happen according to its plans. 

:::☆:::

The day comes when Sunggyu is face to face with Woohyun- though instead of it being exciting like he had imagined, everything surrounding him was as bleak as Woohyun's eyes. He looks older, maybe even a bit thinner. There's something obviously different about him that Sunggyu cannot pinpoint and it shatters his heart even further. 

Woohyun is uncharacteristically silent as Sunggyu wishes for any sound to flow from his mouth yet receiving nothing in return. As Sunggyu's protective instincts kick in (despite Sunggyu being unable to protect himself), he notices a patch of darkness just below Woohyun's collar. It's a bruise, dark and angry on his beautiful and otherwise undamaged skin. Woohyun isn't even bothering to hide it, so maybe it's some kind of wordless cry for help.

"Hi, Sunggyu." The voice eventually comes after a long and awkward pause. 

"Hello." It's all Sunggyu can say in return. 

A sigh follows as he says, "I wanted to see how you were doing." 

"I'm fine." _Ask how he’s doing_. "Do you need anything else?" _Fuck._ Sunggyu doesn't know why he always resorts to being cold. 

The distant reply comes as an obvious surprise to Woohyun who resembles an offended pup, all widened eyes and cute nose standing in the middle of Sunggyu's living room. 

"No, that was..." Woohyun stops himself, standing up to his full height and looking at Sunggyu truly. Sunggyu can see the gears moving in Woohyun's head before he says, "Actually, yes. I wanted to tell you I'm living with my ex now." 

Very promptly things begin to click. The ex is the man at the club, presumably, and the bruise must have come from him. Of course, it makes sense, but why? Maybe the ex was the cause of the scar on Woohyun's neck from long ago, too. Dangerous. 

"Great news." Sunggyu says as he turns away to sit on the couch, leaving Woohyun standing awkwardly. "Have fun with him." It's not what he wants to say at all, but his bitter attitude always shines darkly through.

"I fucking will." Woohyun's voice is harsh with upcoming anger. 

The door slams behind him and Sunggyu's heart further breaks. 

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all and yeah this fic will be angsty 
> 
> Pls vote for what you want lol http://www.poll-maker.com/poll750246xABB31b19-30


	21. Imitation & Duplication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was at kcon the past few days and it was so nuts i cried twice
> 
> alsoO apparently like half my readers don't like angst ¿¿so um ,,.. i feel bad for making this angsty but i love angst. ., . ..maybe this isn't the story for u.... pls forgive me all i want is love..... im worried im going to dissapoint my lovely readers....
> 
> yall chose the alternate ending option so congrats to the 38 voters who wanted that becos yall gonna get it (the other options will be written later :)))))

:::☆::: 

Sunggyu was convinced that the visions had ceased, even if only temporarily. It had been weeks, nearly a month since his last vision. Whether is be of Woohyun's untimely death or a strangers, nothing had surfaced. That was also enough to assure Sunggyu that medication was unnecessary. 

Of course, just when Sunggyu believes he is right, something proves him wrong. It begins with a cramp in his brain that magnifies into a migraine, the sensation so familiar that it hurts. Sunggyu could have sworn the visions were taking a rest, and yet here is the throbbing pain in his mind. 

Along with the headache comes the vision itself. This time, Sunggyu is largely unprepared. The words from both the doctor and Woohyun have been suffocating him for days on end, weighing heavy on his mind- the only thing left to do is to sit alone in his endless confusion. Because of this, the vision that crawls up into the forefront of his mind is unprecedented, startling enough to wake Sunggyu from a brief nap. 

Woohyun is here in the vision, right in Sunggyu's very apartment. His pretty face is obstructed by the blood dripping down it, bangs covering his eyes and neck unnaturally bent. Sunggyu tries closing his eyes, shutting them tightly so he doesn't have to look at the mess or acknowledge the pain, but his eyes are already closed as the image is only in his mind, so nothing happens. 

It's like a dream, but far too vivid. The violent sight of Woohyun dead is something that he can't seem to escape- ever since the very bringing, they've been tied together by an unbreakable string of death.

The crimson against Woohyun's skin in the vision is horribly vibrant, like a painter that used too much red on accident, and it makes Sunggyu gasp for air that he doesn't have. His lungs feel dry and deprived at the sight of the stark white of Woohyun's skin, too pale and opaque to belong to a living body. The absence of breathing sounds or any sign of life is what drives Sunggyu to awaken. 

The pen he immediately grabs is nearly out of ink and the frustration makes Sunggyu's hands tremble when he draws- he wants to cry out, scream, yell. The image he illustrates only frightens him further as he considers how it might happen. Yet at the same time, he holds on to the fact that he's been wrong once. Perhaps he can be wrong again. 

:::☆:::

Sunggyu drinks more these days, just enough to make him wonder if what he's seeing is a dream or reality. He's constantly shifting between consciousness and sleep, the barrier between the two so thin and easily broken. Sunggyu treads between what seems like two worlds and everything becomes blurry. Dongwoo visits on Friday's after work, he thinks, or maybe that's only in his dreams. It's hard to differentiate things these days. 

Sunggyu can't be sure if what he sees are visions, dreams, hallucinations or reality. All he knows is that Woohyun dies every day in his mind and Sunggyu is worthless to prevent it. 

Sunggyu's hands shake the next time his head aches unbearably, on onset of an upcoming vision, and he thinks that maybe Dongwoo is next to him. The Woohyun that lives in his brain dies today, just as gruseome as all the other ways the days before. He's in the back of a van, windows blacked out so that it seems cold and dark in the trunk. Woohyun is blindfolded and bruised, an endless pattern of wounds across the road of his body. 

Sunggyu doesn't draw his visions anymore. Before, when he wasn't a mess, he drew the images because it was a release for the actual pain in his head. Now though, the pain is constant and never ending. It's so overwhelming that the little release that he used to live for is now worthless. 

Dongwoo holds onto Sunggyu's hand and says something too soft to register, but Sunggyu appreciates it nonetheless. Even if this Dongwoo isn't even here at all, he likes to pretend otherwise. The hand feels warm atop his own, so maybe he is real. It's too difficult to determine. 

"Are you real?" Sunggyu asks, but his own ears don't hear the words. Only his mind does. They aren't even vocalized. 

"Yes." Dongwoo says, but the hand on his suddenly feels like an empty space. 

"That's what the dream version of Dongwoo always says." Sunggyu thinks, and removes his hand to be placed in his lap instead. 

:::☆:::

The next vision comes in the form of Woohyun being kidnapped with rope around his body, squeezing too tight to allow air to pass. Sunggyu flinches at the sight in his mind, but it doesn't scare him like it used to. Maybe he's gotten numb to it- maybe deep down, Sunggyu knows that Woohyun is going to die. His brain (being the first to process the images) must have already come to terms with this, while Sunggyu himself hasn't. He's too weak, too fragile to accept it. 

The next vision is terrifying. Woohyun is alone in a lab with his guts locked up in a container beside the cold metal bed he is strapped on, being injected with various colors and chemicals. Sunggyu isn't faced with the image any longer than a minute at most, but once it deceases, he is determined that he will not allow Woohyun to die alone, no matter what. 

Sunggyu truly has become a mess. Coupled with the visions that tear him apart, he can't walk straight or speak without choking. The alcoholism has spiraled him further downwards too, aiming towards his inevitable collapse. 

Everything is against him and it's far too much to handle. It feels so real; every stab to the imaginary Woohyun's chest and every last breath that Sunggyu imagines he takes drives him to insanity. 

Suddenly, the bottle of medication seems tempting. Sunggyu is desperate, and a desperate man would kill for a change to be made where it is due. This means Sunggyu could be dangerous. 

If he took the medication, Sunggyu may stop the visions. That would be nice, wouldn't it? It means that he wouldn't have to see Woohyun die over and over and over again. But taking the pills would also be giving in, an admittance that he _is_ unstable, and Sunggyu will _not_ give in. 

In an act of brash confusion, Sunggyu takes the bottle of medication and throws it at the wall as hard as he can, listening to the shrill of tiny round pills fly on the floor and bounce with the force. The sound somehow calms him, oddly enough. Sunggyu stands in the middle of his apartment, staring unfocused at the wall he just hit and blinking openly as the numbness overtakes him. His hands are trembling and the sweat is persistent down his chest, eyes red from a mixture of crying, sleepless nights, and alcohol. 

The weight of it all is terrifying and it feels like he has suddenly made a big mistake. Sunggyu runs over in his haste to pick up every last pill that hit the ground, gathering them up in his sweaty palms. His hands are shaking too much to grab them immediately and it takes time before they are all back in the bottle. Once they are secured, Sunggyu has the urge to throw them again. He wants to watch them crumble, just like himself. 

He doesn't realize he is crying, albeit silently, until he sighs and his breath comes out unsteadily in a hiccup. As an afterthought, Sunggyu reaches out to the medicine bottle and unscrew at the cap, tantalizing himself with what he could potentially have. 

He shakes around the pills mindlessly, without any thought, and in a sudden act of courage (stupidity), he swallows a vague handful down with the alcohol. 

He sits on the ground, shaking from illness and not from fear (he suddenly isn't afraid anymore) and awaits for his sins effect to take place. 

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .............ok.......wat do u think.......


	22. All Pain & No Gain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi fam, i have the next few chapters completely finished and written, so now i promise i will not be super late in updating. more comments = updates quicker. you guys know the drill :)))) im a slut4 comments &love,, pls show me love o k

:::☆:::

Sunggyu's mind is in a desperate state of panic and unease as his eyes open, the light around him too bright to allow his eyelids to be closed for any longer. 

He realizes he is waking up from something, groggy and lethargic as his limbs struggle to find purchase against their weakness. Sunggyu feels like the longer his eyes remain open, the more his anxiety intensifies. Consciousness means he must address his surroundings and do _something_ about it, which he is almost positive he is unable to do.

When he sits up, his bones feel like they fall into the wrong place, misaligned from laying on the floor of... where is he? As he looks around in his overwhelming confusion, Sunggyu realized he isn't thinking properly. Almost as if he isn't in control of his own actions, his body begins to do things without his consent. Why is he standing up, and why is he running down the street? 

Sunggyu still feels hazy and heated, as if there is a remnant of alcohol still lingering in his bloodstream (which isn't surprising). It's as if the leftovers are tainting his attitude and intensifying every negative feeling swirling in his mind. 

His heart is beating wildly in his chest- or no, maybe it's going so slow that it feels fast. Almost as if you put your hand under boiling water, it gives the impression of icy coolness, if only for a moment. That's what Sunggyu feels like; completely unsure if his body is doing this or that, two complete opposites, and being so overwhelmingly unsure is terrifying. 

It isn't long before Sunggyu groggily reawakens yet again, though this time elsewhere. He's in the middle of a vast desert and there's sand all around him, except when he touches the sand there is no trace of it on his hands. It doesn't move at all like it should and all of his surroundings are eerily still. He doesn't even have a shadow. 

Sunggyu stares at the sand so long that he forgets everything else. He must have fallen asleep again, or at least drifted in and out of consciousness because he only can feel the sensation of his eyes opening. This time, there is no desert to be seen. It's all vast cityscape, fast cars and busy people and dirty sidewalks. There's smoke in the air from factories and cigarettes, but when Sunggyu inhales it, he doesn't taste anything at all. 

His feet begin to travel, yet again without Sunggyu's permission. The colors around him start to become ugly and over-saturated and the air starts to smell like burnt tires and strawberry pie. There's a car barreling down the street at an alarming speed and Sunggyu is right in the middle of the street, too slow to move- it runs directly over him, but Sunggyu doesn't feel a thing. In fact, he's still standing without injury and the car is driving along like nothing happened.

Everything around him is fake. 

People's calm faces surrounding him begin to morph into a screaming child in agony. Everyone walking along the sidewalk becomes a little boy with missing front teeth who viciously yells, " _Get away from my mother!_ " 

It takes a few minutes for the oddness of his surroundings to set in, for Sunggyu to realize that the passerby's on the street have morphed into five year old Sunggyu after having witness his father threaten to hurt his mother. It was the same year his visions began, oddly enough. Sunggyu just blinks numbly at the false people around him before they all disappear and he is left alone in a big city.

Sunggyu's skin is on fire with an overwhelming heat burning inside him. There's a body of water in sight, near a bridge maybe a half mile away. He'll walk himself there, maybe step in the water to cool himself. Anything to relieve the fire in his body. Sunggyu looks down and sees his skin has become so inflamed with heat that it is red. There is blood seeping angrily through his pores like sweat. When his heart beats faster in fear and he blinks, his skin is back to normal. 

Everything around him is so odd that it cannot be real. The sky is becoming green as he continues walking, the sidewalk turning a dark violet. His skin goes yellow a few times, too. And suddenly, his hearing begins to give. The sound of wind and traffic dies down to a steady buzz directly in his eardrum, like an angry bee trapped inside his head relentlessly. 

Sunggyu feels the sweat drip down his body as he walks towards where he saw the body of water. He's close, he thinks, and he hopes so because he can't feel his feet moving anymore. The blood rushing through his body is thick and heavy and it only drags him down further, but Sunggyu is determined to get to that water. It looks so blue and normal, cool and soothing. 

For a moment he thinks he hears police sirens, but that cannot be true as all the people and cars around him have disappeared. In a single moment, Sunggyu suddenly realizes his surroundings. This isn't just an average, big city- it's Seoul. This is where Sunggyu lives, and he only now vaguely knows where he is. He just wishes he had some alcohol to help him think. 

Oh. 

Alcohol and... didn't he swallow a bottle of narcotics? He did, didn't he? Sunggyu did, and he's facing the deadly repercussions now. Maybe that's why everything he sees feels like a hallucination, a nightmare. 

It doesn't matter to Sunggyu, really. All he wants right now is to cool himself by laying in the water for a while. He's getting so close, too. He can see it without having to squint. 

Walking becomes difficult as he continues on, and the sun shines on him with a vengeance. Sunggyu stumbles around because his feet just won't work properly anymore. His lungs seem to be holding a grudge on him too, because they refuse to do their job and fucking breathe. 

It is only a moment before Sunggyu has to stop and sit down, fearing that his surroundings will overpower him and everything will become too much. He isn't wearing shoes and the sun is burning the soles of his feet, reddened by the rocks and heat. 

When Sunggyu sits down to rest, he rubs at his feet in hopes that the feeling will return and the numbness will leave, but he becomes easily distracted by a shadow in his peripheral vision. 

When Sunggyu looks up, his eyes linger on the unexpected sight of Woohyun, so handsome as the light shines on him.

If everything around him isn't real in this moment, then neither is Woohyun. Sunggyu is almost positive of this, but his mind betrays him into thinking that maybe Woohyun has come to save him. 

"Woohyun?" Sunggyu asks, but his voice is dry and it sounds weak. 

He doesn't receive a reply besides silence, only Woohyun standing stark still in front of him. Sunggyu can't help it- he needs to know if this is real. In an act of determination, Sunggyu stands up dizzily and kisses the man in front of him. It's so fleeting that he cannot tell if his lips even touched anything before the figure of Woohyun disappeared into nothing. 

Of course, Sunggyu thinks. Nothing is real. My whole life is probably a dream. He shoves his hand in his pocket in a desperate attempt for his phone, which he finds with minimal struggle, and dials Woohyun. He needs to hear that voice, the soft ad soothing voice that Sunggyu craves. Just to prove to himself that something in his life that he knows is real.

_"Hi there! You've reached Woohyun. Sorry, but I'm not here right now. Try calling again, okay? Make sure to leave your name and number. Bye bye!"_

It's so sweet and so typically Woohyun that Sunggyu feels his heart expand with affection. He wishes Woohyun were here, if only for a moment.

"Woohyun?" Sunggyu asks into his phone in a voicemail, shakily and unsteadily- he doesn't care that nothing is real right now. "You're so cute. I've missed you. I-" Sunggyu coughs, the dryness catching up with him. "I think I've made a mistake. A lot of mistakes. Many. I... I don't think I know where I... Did I...? I think I'm going... I'm going to...? Woohyun, I don't feel good. Maybe I should, uh..." 

Sunggyu can't keep a single thought together as his mind cannot remain focused on one thing at once. He can't remember anything right now, can't recall what the beginning of his sentence was about to the ending of the same one. 

When he looks up, the imaginary Woohyun is still nowhere to be seen. Even so, Sunggyu whispers, "I'm sorry," and wonders if Woohyun was even real in the first place, ever. 

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok,,, so . yes, this is happening. :)))) u can't run away from this, o k. . .


	23. Crying & Dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....guys....u kno what's coming...... pls prepare tissues this is no joKe ,..

:::☆:::

Through the empty city scape Sunggyu's legs keep moving, slowly but surely until he finds the water that he has been looking for. The air smells like salt and toxicity as it travels into his lungs, and Sunggyu breathes out the anxiety trapped inside. He's standing on the bridge, walking closer and closer to the edge because that's where the wonderful water is waiting for him. 

His bare feet inch near the edge of the bridge and before he knows it, Sunggyu's toes are hanging off it precariously. The water looks so inviting beneath him, hundreds of feet down into a cool and dark bliss. 

The temptation becomes too strong, and coupled with his intoxicated brain, his judgement is poor. He's about to step off the edge into the water until he's stopped by a voice yelling behind him, "Don't you fucking dare, Kim Sunggyu."

The voice is raw and wrecked, sounding strained with a hint of familiarity. When Sunggyu's curiosity leads him to turn his head, his eyes prickle at the sight of Woohyun standing behind him several feet away, shaken and holding his hand out as if to grab, to save. 

"Woohy-"

"Yes, yes, it's me and I'm fucking terrified of what's happening right now. I got your voicemail and I had heard from the local police that there was a man standing over here by the bridge." He says, frantic and hoarse. Sunggyu refuses to look at him directly in fear he will disappear. "I put the two together. Now just step the fuck back. Please. Sunggyu, we can talk about whatever is going on- just step back. You'll regret whatever it is you're going to do."

"I just want to feel the water on my skin." Sunggyu says, and he sounds like a child, he knows, but his skin is burning and there's something unexplainable pulling him closer to the water.

"Stop!" Woohyun outright yells, voice cracking from the sudden strain. "Fucking stop, Sunggyu!" Woohyun no longer keeps a distance- he rushes over and tugs on Sunggyu's arm backwards to pull him away from the dangerous edge. His hands are cool, soothing like Sunggyu imagines the water to be.

"Why should I believe anything you say?" Sunggyu says nonchalantly. He can't hear himself speak. "You're not real, anyway." 

Sunggyu can't see Woohyun's face, but judging by the voice that follows he's sure it looks incredulous. "What? Fuck, I'm so real. I'm really real. I know you've been kind of confused this past month or so and I should have been there for you. I know I should have and if you step back, we can talk about it all, okay?" 

"No, no." Sunggyu insists calmy, ignoring the tug on his wrist from Woohyun, insistent. It feels real but it can't be- it's so unlikely. "You are just my imagination and I'm done giving into it. I want to do what I want to do, for once."

"Killing yourself?" Woohyun asks, and his voice breaks in the slightest as he does so. Sunggyu has to remind himself that Woohyun cannot be truly there, no matter how real he sounds. 

"No." Sunggyu explains as he stares at the water below, so inviting yet seemingly a world away. His skin still burns and his heartbeat is slow, nearly at a standstill at this point. Everything is thick and his hands feel dead. "This isn't suicide. It's just me wanting to go for a swim to cool myself off in the summer heat." He justifies as he breathes in the heavy air. "I think I might have a fever."

"It's the middle of Winter and you're ill, Sunggyu." Woohyun tries to reason with him and his voice reverberates slightly. "I'm going to call the police if you don't step back."

"Call them, I don't care." Sunggyu breathes loudly into the air, not really listening. He's too busy focused on the water. "You aren't real anyways."

An exasperated sigh meets his ears before he hears, "I am so fucking real." 

Sunggyu gives in and turns around to face the man that has been weighing heavy on his mind for several months. It's almost shocking how different he looks- skin marred by bruises and dark circles under his eyes. Sunggyu would ask what happened if he were fully coherent and believed Woohyun were really there. 

"I beg you, Sunggyu. Step back." Woohyun whispers, and Sunggyu only hears it because Woohyun has stepped closer to him, speaking softly near his ear with a firm grip on his hand. Now that Woohyun is closer to Sunggyu, he is also closer to the edge. It's almost like a sign of bravery or trust, in a way. 

Sunggyu wishes it were real because it feels so real, but it can't be. It's too good. Sunggyu sighs in anxiety and tells himself to let everything go once and for all. 

Sunggyu yanks his hand away out of the tight grasp. Woohyun isn't expecting the movement because he stumbles, loses his balance, crashes forward and...

And Woohyun is falling into the water. 

Sunggyu doesn't hear any screams or cries for help- only sees two eyes looking fearfully up for a half second but Woohyun is moving too quickly downwards to focus on him. It's not the true Woohyun so it's okay, but Sunggyu could have sworn the hand on his wrist felt real. 

Sunggyu is numb as he hears the short splash of the body hit the water, and in an instant, Sunggyu feels oddly sick. His body is on fire again and he hasn't done what he came here to do yet. Sunggyu decides it best to just take take a quick dip into the water. It will only last a minute, after all.

Sunggyu can't breathe, see, hear, or think- not really. So when he takes a small jump off the edge of the bridge and into the tempting water to meet Woohyun, he doesn't regret it. 

The wind is heavy and fast against his skin and it feels good, feels energizing. Sunggyu basks in it for the few short seconds he is allowed. His head spins on the journey down though and his stomach flips uncomfortably; everything feels fuzzy and fake. Sunggyu loses the ability to think before his body heavily hits the water, stinging his skin and momentarily clouding his vision and hearing. 

The cold and icy water is soothing against his overheated body, and he doesn't mind that he has to hold his breath to enjoy the relief. Sunggyu opens his eyes and the salt water stings, but he can see the vague outline of Woohyun a few feet away. Even if it isn't real, it is comforting. 

When he starts feeling light headed, his thought process starts to come back to him. This situation seems too familiar, doesn't it? Both Woohyun and Sunggyu under the water...

It hits Sunggyu as hard as his body had hit the water. He realizes too late that this is how it ends. His vision all those months ago had been of him and Woohyun drowning together, hadn't it? And Sunggyu is suddenly sober and terrified and doesn't want to die because Woohyun is really here. Yes, here they are together under the water, frantic for air as their lungs give in and fill with water. 

The feeling of regret begins to sink in rapidly and when Sunggyu looks up, all he sees is darkness. He can't swim out of this and neither can Woohyun. It's not like they could escape it, though. This is how they were supposed to end. Sunggyu doesn't fight it, even though he hates seeing Woohyun struggle for air, gasping and clawing at the heavy liquid suffocating them.

Sunggyu only has one last glance at Woohyun who is crying silently, his sad eyes that say _I'm scared_ being the last sight in his mind. Sunggyu's head becomes dizzy from the lack of oxygen and soon, all he can feel is the water consume him. 

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))))))) fam r u Ok
> 
> anYwAys please don't hate me too much im only only a fifteen year old piece of shit that doesn't know how to write fanfiction ,,this is the biggest accomplishment of my entire life becos its the first completed fic i've ever published and w0w ,,...it's crazy i didnt think any one would even read this fic at all o k ..well anyways stay tuned for an epilogue hah get ready2 die
> 
> also pls tell me what you think ;;;


	24. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys,, going on this incredible fic journey with everyone was so amazing.. like, i could cry.. i hope everyone continues to support my other works (currently writing some shinee and nct shit, but I have many other infinite fics in mind). there is nO wAy I could have completed this fic without everyone's support, seriously. Everyone comments are the only reason I continued, so thank you. I feel like a proud mom tbh. I LOVE EVERYONE 
> 
> (Also remember this is an epilogue, and after this in a week or so you guys get the alternate ending :D I will be writing a few other fics in this universe so keep an eye out~)
> 
> xoxox ♡

:::☆::: 

"Destiny has a way of subtly arranging present and future events to coincide with the way things are supposed to be in the future. Throughout my life, I have gathered this much. My mother with her soft and gentle voice had always told me to let the world do it's damage, because in the end, it would fix itself. I think Sunggyu's mother might have said something similar. 

Most of us may know Kim Sunggyu as being hard-working, blunt, and honest. He was indeed all of these things, but there was a side of him that no one else knew for a very long time. It was a side that I was blessed with seeing, a side that he rarely showed, for which I feel incredibly lucky to have been given the chance to have seen it. 

It was a side that showed his insecurities, his fear, his mistakes. Sunggyu was often too proud to admit it, but I saw this side with my own eyes. It reminded me that he was human, something beautiful and to be cherished. 

Kim Sunggyu had a gift. Yes, he was a great singer and yes, he was a great worker, but those were not gifts. Sunggyu's real gift was being able to see things that people like you and I could not ever imagine seeing. We aren't strong enough to hande such things. I like to think God had given Sunggyu this gift to build up his strength to endure any challenge he might face, but those here today that dont believe in God would laugh at me. In that case, I lay the blame on destiny. 

Like I mentioned, destiny can arrange things to make the final outcome coincide with what needs to be fulfilled. Destiny doesn't like it when something hinders it from going the way things are planned. 

In this case, I was Sunggyu's hindrance. I was destined to die. That's just how it is - I've been in countless near death experiences in my life. Especially this last year, after meeting Sunggyu, I had at least three. I'll have you know, Sunggyu saved me each and every time. I didn't believe him at first when he explained his gift. No, like a sane man, I didn't. And little did I know, I was the first person he really told and trusted in. I still didn't believe him, but he helped me anyway, even though I called him crazy countless times. I don't know why he stayed with me, but he did. 

Remember when I said I was destined to die? Right, I am. But you know what? I was also destined to stand alongside Sunggyu, us together against the world for as long as we could stand. That was destiny's plan too, but destiny made a huge fucking contradiction there. How can you be destined to be with someone who is also destined to die - someone who is born as a mistake and will leave you, breaking the balance of fate? It's confusing, I know. I think all of us here today are confused in some way or another. 

I like to think Sunggyu had his visions because it was destiny's way of telling him to protect people. He never even tried until I came along - who knows why. But the visions always motivated him to save me, and he did every time, even if it meant his death.

I always thought I would die before Sunggyu, but... I was wrong. We must have been destined to fall apart too - Sunggyu broke the balance because he kept saving me, a person who isn't supposed to be alive, which stopped me from fulfilling destiny's plan. One of us had to die, and Sunggyu unknowingly sacrificed himself for me. For this, I love him endlessly. 

In short, none of us will ever know the truth. But my theory that I firmly believe is that God allowed Sunggyu to have visions to save people. He never took the chance to do it, and fate got upset at this - something needed to he done to change the course of events, so destiny gave Sunggyu one unique vision to make him realize something needed to be done, to be put to action. It was just one chance, but he took it. He saw us dying together, and it snapped him out of it, made him want to save me. 

Destiny also made a mistake, because likeI said, I am destined to die. Sunggyu ended up desperately trying to save someone who had no right to live. It made things complicated, and it ultimately drove Sunggyu crazy trying to work against such a strong force. 

Well, this isn't about me. I know I talked about myself a lot already, but that's because our lives mixed so strongly towards the end of his life. I feel... guilty, to an extent. I can't help but tell myself I was the cause, and deep down I think all of us can agree that Sunggyu would have been around longer without my intervening. 

I will always remember Sunggyu as the opposite of what others may have perceived him as. I know some thought he was too honest, but that was just how Sunggyu tried to make things easy. Some thought he was a heavy drinker, but that was only him trying to ease the pain, and rightfully deserved, because he had faced some scary things. Others may have thought Sunggyu was rude, but that was simply him not knowing how to act around people from years of being ignored. 

We will never understand how complex his life story was. Now that it has come to an end, we can only guess half the things he may have endured. 

I will never forget Kim Sunggyu, and I know that everyone here today feels the same. He will be dearly missed. Though his body is gone in our existence, he will always be alive in memory and forever in our hearts for the rest of time."

Woohyun steps off the podium with the wobbly legs that he cannot trust in this moment and sits down in the back of the church, an empty pew reserved for him. The closure sets in, finally, when Woohyun turns to look at Sunggyu and finds an empty seat. 

Though it is damaged now, Woohyuns heart will heal (even if it will take an eternity). Sunggyu had always thought of himself as being incomplete, like a plane from his factory missing a piece. Sunggyu has been wrong this whole time- it's really Woohyun who was incomplete, needing Sunggyu to finish him. And now he's _gone_.

But that's okay. 

Woohyun needs to learn how to be strong. Maybe this is all happening to prepare him for something bigger and better. But now that Sunggyu is gone, Woohyun realizes they weren't anything special despite what onlookers may have thought. They were just two boys with plane parts and healing hearts.

And that's okay, too. 

:::☆:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
> here is a somewhat simple explanation of the fic ending since it might still be a cause for confusion: the visions are warning sunggyu to protect woohyun because the two of them are destined to be together, but woohyun is also destined to die, so destiny is contradicting itself. sunggyu never had multiple visions before of the same person because he never tried to stop the death. with woohyun, he tries several times to save him, thus causing several visions to appear in order to accommodate to the changes happening in the balance of destiny.  
>  this fic is completely inspired by the song destiny by infinite ♡


End file.
